Journal Entries


The date today is Dec 21 2022

[Square brackets] [Is commentary from this date, which is 5 years later] [To clarify parts into a Christian Universalism perspective]


Truth: Jesus Christ will save everyone. Even those who die without believing, will go to Sheol where Christ Jesus will persuade them to believe in Him with faith alone to be saved, thus all people will go to Heaven.


Warning: The following posts contain references to Anxiety, Asthma, Autism, Child Abuse, Corporeal Punishment, Depression, Hell, Mannerisms, Physical Abuse, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Self Harm, Scrupulosity, Social Anxiety, Suicide,


Disclaimer: Hell is temporary, everyone will go to Heaven. Spanking children is child abuse and physical abuse and sexual abuse, it is evil. I only let out my suicidal thoughts to vent, I will not kill myself. Please seek medical attention for any life-threatening conditions. I love my family, I care for my family members deeply and forgive them for everything as Christ has forgiven me for all I have done.

 nal Entries (Sept 17 2014 – Aug 29 2016)

Journal Entry 0: Genesis


Journal Entries (Sept 6 2017 – Jan 15 2018)


Journal Entry 1: About the Author


Journal Entry 2: First but Not


Journal Entry 3: Oddology


Journal Entry 4: Rush for What


Journal Entry 5: Peace of Prayer


Journal Entry 6: Drill or Thrill


Journal Entry 7: Rest When Not


Journal Entry 8: Black Box


Journal Entry 9: Persecution Points


Journal Entry 10: Mouth Ache


Journal Entry 11: Feel It Beating


Journal Entry 12: Relaxing in Vain


Journal Entry 14: The Rush of Suicide


Journal Entry 19: Catch You Later


Journal Entry 22: Dense Progress


Journal Entry 23: Three Modules


Journal Entry 24: Disappointing Sapped


Journal Entry 26: Made Loss


Journal Entry 27: Rush and More


Journal Entry 28: Staring not Caring


Journal Entry 29: Fringe Friday


Journal Entry 30: No Time for Long


Journal Entry 31: Back to Morrow


Journal Entry 32: Tried and Tired


Journal Entry 33: Bus Distractions


Journal Entry 34: Rush of the Day


Journal Entry 35: Desires


Journal Entry 36: Hollow Starving


Journal Entry 37: Stomach Pains


Journal Entry 38: Pain in my Head


Journal Entry 39: Onwards and Outwords


Journal Entry 40: Late in Late Out


Journal Entry 41: Earls of Early


Journal Entry 42: Involuntary Volunteer


Journal Entry 43: Mentions of Madness


Journal Entry 44: Shortness of Breath


Journal Entry 45: No Monkey Business


Journal Entry 46: Time Around


Journal Entry 47: Picked on Pinterest


Journal Entry 48: Warm Yoke


Journal Entry 49: Fast


Journal Entry 50: Bumpy Road


Journal Entry 51: Another Calm Bump


Journal Entry 52: Regular Day


Journal Entry 53: Burn Burnin


Journal Entry 54: Through Thinking


Journal Entry 55: Trudging Through


Journal Entry 56: Here I Am


Journal Entry 57: Season of Waiting


Journal Entry 58: Monitoring Myself


Journal Entry 59: Shimmering Down


Journal Entry 60: Make it Quick


Journal Entry 61: Hard to Breathe


Journal Entry 62: He’s a Doctor


Journal Entry 63: Living on Life


Journal Entry 64: Died Down


Journal Entry 65: Just Surviving


Journal Entry 66: Too Much Sleep


Journal Entry 67: Late to Start


Journal Entry 69: Marks


Journal Entry 70: My Melancholy


Journal Entry 71: Waiting On


Journal Entry 72: Can’t Stand It


Journal Entry 73: Enough is Not


Journal Entry 74: Through Suffering


Journal Entry 75: No Bible Blogs


Journal Entry 76: The Rest is Rest


Journal Entry 77: Depress Depression


Journal Entry 78: Videogames


Journal Entry 79: Worrying about Worrying


Journal Entry 80: Exposition


Journal Entry 81: Extra Exposition


Journal Entry 82: Quick


Journal Entry 83: Leaving Behind


Journal Entry 84: No Noisey


Journal Entry 85: Live Forever After Dead


Journal Entry 86: Pass On


Journal Entry 87: Photo Pass


Journal Entry 88: Pass Through


Journal Entry 89: PASSOVER_____________________________


Journal Entry 90: Don’t Take Seriously


Journal Entry 91: Don’t Take for Granted


Journal Entry 92: Take Two


Journal Entry 93: Tackle Tool


Journal Entry 94: Washroom


Journal Entry 95: Tea Time


Journal Entry 96: Sea Tea


Journal Entry 97: Teach Y


Journal Entry 98: Tea and Meditation


Journal Entry 99: Validatea


Journal Entry 100: Almost Bleu It


Journal Entry 101: Not a Bleu Christmas


Journal Entry 102: U Blue


Journal Entry 103: Stories


Journal Entry 104: Storrying


Journal Entry 105: Tea Break


Journal Entry 106: Break the Cycle


Journal Entry 107: Bicycle


Journal Entry 108: Buy Sigh


Journal Entry 109: Buyte the Dust


Journal Entry 110: Oki Doki


Journal Entry 111: Noki Fade


Journal Entry 112: Phoney Foam


Journal Entry 113: Justice


Journal Entry 114: Happy Thoughts


Journal Entry 115: Lose Track


Journal Entry 116: Notice


Journal Entry 117: Hard Willed


Journal Entry 118: Hard Boiled


Journal Entry 119: Hard Work


Journal Entry 120: Hard


Journal Entry 121: Rest Easy


Ledger Entries (Jan 17 2018 – Sept 10 2019)


Ledger Entry 1: Worry


Ledger Entry 2: Therapy


Ledger Entry 3: Bird


Ledger Entry 4: Prayer


Ledger Entry 5: Gap Theory


Ledger Entry 6: Rapture


Ledger Entry 7: Churchianity


Ledger Entry 8: Buddhism


Ledger Entry 9: Cuddling


Ledger Entry 10: Wait


Ledger Entry 11: Screaming


Ledger Entry 12: Trust


Ledger Entry 13: Infinite


Ledger Entry 14: Anime


Ledger Entry 15: Support


Ledger Entry 16: USB


Ledger Entry 17: Lost Entry


Recollections (Dec 25 2022 - 2023)


Re Entry 1: About the Editor


Re Entry 2: Mannerisms


Re Entry 3: Relaxing


Re Entry 4: Giving


Re Entry 5: Rebuke


Re Entry 6: Insults


Re Entry 7: Slander


Re Entry 8: Friendship


Re Entry 9: Advice


Re Entry 10: Text Message


Re Entry 11: Sadness


Re Entry 12: Therapy


Re Entry 13: Zoom


Re Entry 14: New Passover


Re Entry 15: Cut Ties


Re Entry 16: Two Posts


Re Entry 17: Makes Sense


Re Entry 18: Prayer


Re Entry 19: True Master


Re Entry 20: Kindness


Re Entry 21: Worried


Re Entry 22: Dark City Running


Re Entry 23: Print


Re Entry 24: Gunshots


Re Entry 25: Bank Tower


Re Entry 26: Unfair


Re Entry 27: Abduction


Re Entry 28: Searching for Sister


Re Entry 29: Objectives


Re Entry 30: My Hourly Wage


Loran (NSFW)



The Timeline


First Journal Entries Series Start: Sept 17, 2014


First Journal Entries Series End: May 20, 2015

(Not daily)


Date I Was Saved by Jesus Christ by Faith Alone: May 14, 2017


Christian Journal Entries Series Start: Sept 6, (Wednesday), 2017.



Christian Universalists Discord Server created: Sept 17th 2018


Christian Journal Entries Series Last Date on This Site: Jan 15, (Monday), 2018

(This series continued daily until at least 2020, but I have not included those here as they contain personal information about my family and I, which I wish to protect).


Tentmaker (Christian Universalist Website) Join Date: June 18, 2022, 10:03:06 PM


December 6 2022 7:33 PM Christian Universalists Discord Server Join Date


February 4 2023 11:05 AM Christian Universalists Discord Server First Post


December 22 2022 Founding Date


December 23 2022 My Cherub Dream Day


March 16 2023 John 3:16 Day, 3rd month, 16th day


April 9 2023 11:05 PM Given @The Server’s Daily Quote role on Christian Universalists Discord Server


July 27 2023 The Murderous Iglesia Ni Cristo Day


Sept 29 2023 Became a Elder (Mod Lite) [Kick/Ban] on Christian Universalists Discord Server


Christian Journal Entries Series End Date:


(I was a Christian Universalist before I joined. I knew of Christian Universalism at least in 2018)


Oct 20 2023 Became Overseer (Mod) [Channel management and kick/ban] Can on Christian Universalists Discord Server

Nov 11 2023 Got name Jaysa Jam from Purely Symbiotic fan group to register for my AO3 account


Dec 19 2023 My Birthday While I Was Homeless



06/03/2023 1:48 PM

 Psalm 112:5

Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely,

who conduct their affairs with justice.


God is good. Thus, He must be generous. He is gracious with salvation, as it is a gift He freely gives to all people. All will believe in Christ to accept it. His mercy exalts over His judgment. James 2:13.

06/04/2023 8:07 PM

Proverbs 10:22

The blessing of the Lord brings wealth,

without painful toil for it.


The Lord may permit pain only temporarily.

But His blessing of life is permanent. Believe in Him, Christ; He is far more valuable than mere physical wealth.

06/05/2023 2:28 PM

Psalm 27:1

The Lord is my light and my salvation—

whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life—

of whom shall I be afraid?



Growing up, I suffered from scrupulosity, a type of OCD, an intense fear of hell. I used to believe in the false doctrines of Eternal Conscious Torment and Annihilationism in the past. What were their fruit? Suicidal ideation, self-harm and frantic survivor’s guilt. Why was I afraid of the Lord? Is He not love?


It was for the sake of my own mental sanity that I was pushed to find this truth. He saves.


What’s changed since then? Well, I made my website about this truth, Universal Reconciliation through faith alone in Christ, who’s spiritual fruit is joy in life, self-kindness and patience in hope. But physically life’s still brutal and filled with suffering. Still, I know for sure that there’s a happy ending awaiting us all my friends.


Why do I believe in this truth? It is for the sake of my own mental sanity. He heals.

06/06/2023 6:53 PM

Luke 14:28 Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?


God wants to save everyone (1 Timothy 2:3-6), to build a holy city, New Jerusalem, with all people of the Earth as it’s inhabitants, believers in Christ. Yet, would not God have first sat down and estimated this cost?

Imagine if God did not save enough people to accomplish this. That’s just poor planning! Surely, the Almighty Lord knew He would complete His salvation.

06/07/2023 12:52 PM

 John 14:2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?


How many rooms are in the Father’s house? One for every person in existence! As all will believe in Christ and be saved. Why would Our Father create a room in His House, only for it to be left empty? Thus, He knew in advance when building His House that everyone would be saved.

06/08/2023 11:44 AM

Isaiah 30:18 Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore He will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!


The Lord longs, meaning יְחַכֶּ֤ה (yə ḥak keh) Strong's 2442: To adhere to, to await. Why does someone wait? Because they expect something to happen, eventually. The Lord expects to give mercy to all people eventually. Otherwise, why would He wait if it will not happen? Thus, all will believe in Lord Christ, who rose up from the dead, and be blessed with salvation, amen.

06/09/2023 1:03 PM

 Psalm 25:6- Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good. 7


I am a sinner; all people are sinners. Before, I was an atheist, I eventually became a believer in Christ. Since God is able to save me from my sins, how much more so will He wash away the sins of the whole world?

If I was born in another part of the world, then I maybe I would have believed sooner or later, who knows. But the fact that some people are saved, means that all will be saved. All will eventually believe in Him. Amen.

06/10/2023 9:23 PM

1 Corinthians 15:21 for since through man is the death, also through man is a rising again of the dead (YLT)


ἀνθρώπου (anthrōpou) to ἀνθρώπου (anthrōpou), man to man, from Adam, death for all, from the Second Adam, Christ, life for all. Believe in God, Jesus, to be made clean of all sin, death, θάνατος (thanatos) to gain αθάνατος (athánatos) permanent life.

06/11/2023 10:28 PM

 Philippians 1:23-24 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.


For many of us, there are those we wish to save who have not yet become believers in Christ. Will God abandon them forever? No. Thus, just as we should not give up on being kind to them, God’s love never fails (1 Cor 13:8). For the people we wish to save, God desires to save many more: all people (1 Timothy 2:3-6).

That is why we remain here on Earth and why God is patient. He will wait until all people believe in Christ, God, to be saved.

06/12/2023 2:10 PM

1 Corinthians 3:16 Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?


Each person is like a construction site when they are born, awaiting God’s temple. When a person believes in Christ, the Holy Spirit dwells within them permanently and the temple is complete as they are born again. Why would the Almighty God just leave something incomplete? Thus, He will accomplish His will and save us all as we are all His accomplishments! :D

06/13/2023 7:33 PM

Psalm 119:133 Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me.


Footsteps implies direction. Each of us travel towards a destination, no matter how far. That is, to have faith alone in Christ, to be made clean of all sin to go to Heaven. Some walk, some run, but eventually, all will reach it. פְּ֭עָמַי (pə·‘ā·may) here refers to feet (Song of Solomon 7:1) or anvil (Isaiah 41:7). We are metal and we will all be refined.

06/14/2023 8:04 PM

Psalm 130:5 I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.


I wait for = קִוִּ֣יתִי (Strong's 6960 qiw·wî·ṯî) = To bind together, collect, to expect

What do we wait for? Genesis 49:18. For Your salvation I wait, O LORD. קִוִּ֥יתִי  (Strong's 6960 qiw-wî-ṯî)

The whole world waits. The word of the Lord is for the salvation of all through faith in Christ. He will collect us all. We will Genesis 1:9 יִקָּו֨וּ be gathered together (Strong's 6960 yiq-qā-wū) in Heaven.

06/15/2023 7:37 PM

Nehemiah 9:31 and in Thine abundant mercies Thou hast not made them a consumption, nor hast forsaken them; for a God, gracious and merciful, art Thou.



God does not abandon forever. "mercies" = וּֽבְרַחֲמֶ֧יךָ (ū·ḇə·ra·ḥă·me·ḵā) Strong's 7356: Compassion, the womb, a maiden. The same Strong’s number is used in Genesis 49:25 and refers to womb. וָרָֽחַם׃ (wā·rā·ḥam)


Though we all were birthed from a physical womb, many still remain in a spiritual womb, awaiting to be born again by the dwelling of the Holy Spirit, achieved by faith in Christ

06/16/2023 4:34 PM

Romans 10:13 For, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”


The simple truth. Everyone will believe in Christ and thus everyone will be saved.

Everyone who = Πᾶς (Pas) = Strong's 3956: All, the whole, every kind of. This same Strong’s is used in Matthew 28:18 which describes the salvation power Jesus has, which is “all authority in heaven and on the earth”

06/17/2023 11:01 PM

Psalm 33:5 The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of His loving devotion. (BSB)


Full = מָלְאָ֥ה (mā·lə·’āh) Strong's 4390. All people will be filled with the Holy Spirit of Righteousness by faith in the LORD Christ.

How full is full? As full as the threshing floors with wheat. וּמָלְא֥וּ (ū·mā·lə·’ū) Joel 2:24 His loving devotion is like an oil poured into a vat until it overflows.

06/18/2023 11:34 PM

 Psalm 119:7 I will praise you with an upright heart, when I learn your righteous rules. (ESV)


Learning the Lord’s righteous rules is not a matter of if, but when. Eventually, all hearts will be made permanently righteous by faith alone in Christ, the receival of the Holy Ghost. When I learn = בְּ֝לָמְדִ֗י bə·lā·mə·ḏî Strong’s 3925 = appears later in Psalm 119:124, where it relates the act of teaching לַמְּדֵֽנִי׃ lam-mə-ḏê-nî Strong’s 3925 as the Lord’s mercy.

06/19/2023 9:03 PM

Ezekiel 36:26 A new heart I will give you, and a new spirit I will put within you; and I will remove from your body the heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. (NRSV)



Are we not all born with a heart of stone? Thus, we must all believe in Christ to gain the Holy Spirit. Therefore, all people will have their hearts of stone replaced a heart of flesh.


Psalm 33:15 He made their hearts, so he understands everything they do. (NLT)



This same heart לֵ֤ב (lêḇ) Strong's 3820:  also means “the will”. God knows everything we do, it was predestined. Even our will to do, was made by Him. Therefore, no matter how hard people try to resist God, they will eventually be reconciled with Him, it is guaranteed.

06/20/2023 2:52 PM

Ephesians 3:20-21 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.



Christ Jesus’s love will exceed ὑπερεκπερισσοῦ (hyperekperissou) Strong's 5228 any blessing we can ever imagine. Oh, how wonderful Heaven will be, with everyone there, all as believers in Christ Jesus. All generations, geneas γενεὰς Strong's 1074, aionios, from age to age, generation to generation, is granted His mercy Luke 1:50.

06/21/2023 4:16 PM

Ecclesiastes 9:7 Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do. (ESV)



has already כְבָ֔ר (ḵə·ḇār) = Strong's 3528: Extent of time, a great while, long ago, formerly, hitherto


What has God already done? Well, He has already prepared a room for each of us in paradise. Eccl 1:10 tells us that things said now have already been said in ancient times. Eccl 6:10 literally says “Everything has already been decided”.


Is Christian Universalism new? No. Many people have already done what I’m doing, posting verses like this, many years ago. When does someone become a Christian? Ultimately, it’s up to God. He decides when someone believes in Christ to be saved.


So, no matter what I say, no matter what I do, if it’s not someone’s time to believe in Christ, then they won’t believe. They will only believe when God decides it’s time for them to believe. To my fellow Christians, I say therefore, be kind to those who do not yet believe, their belief is out of your control. To those who are not Christian, I say, you may not understand what I say now, but eventually, you will, it is guaranteed.

06/22/2023 5:33 PM

 Joel 2:13 Rend your heart and not your garments.

Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate,

slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.



Return וְשׁ֖וּבוּ (wə·šū·ḇū) Strong's 7725: To turn back, in, to retreat, again. All are created by dust from God and all return to dust. Genesis 3:19. Does God have any bias to only save one random pile of dust as opposed to another? No. To God, we are all sinners Romans 3:23 and He desires to save us all. Psalm 67:2.


Dust, עָפָר֙ (‘ā·p̄ār) Strong’s 6083, also means clay, earth, mud. So, we are all made of the earth עָפָר֙ of the Earth הָאָֽרֶץ׃ (hā·’ā·reṣ) Strong’s 776. And God created the whole Earth Genesis 1:1. Thus, let us all have faith alone in Christ. We were all physically created by God, so let us all be spiritually recreated by Him as well.

06/24/2023 12:58 AM

Matthew 17:20 He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”


Some people are so stubborn that they are like a mountain. Years go by and they are still so evil. Yet, the Word of Christ is like a water, constantly splashed on a rock, eventually there’s erosion. Eventually, they believe in Christ to be made clean of all their sins, all will.

With God, nothing is impossible ἀδυνατήσει (adynatēsei) Strong’s 101. Luke 1:37. It also means “unable”. God is able to save all people, thus He will.

06/24/2023 11:04 PM

Psalm 56:4 In God, whose word I praise, In God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me?


All must believe in God, the Word of God made flesh, Christ, to be saved. One may not be a Christian Universalist and still be saved by faith alone in Christ. Thus, they are merely a Christian. Still, just as all people will eventually become believers in Christ and go to Heaven, so too in Heaven shall all people realize that everyone was indeed saved.


A Christian בָשָׂ֣ר (ḇā·śār) Strong’s 1320 who is an Infernalist; who believes God tortures people forever, is unable to torture people forever. Likewise, a Christian בָשָׂ֣ר (ḇā·śār) Strong’s 1320  who is an annihilationist, who believes God destroys people forever, is unable to destroy people forever. There’s no reason to be afraid of their meaningless unbiblical threats. When these Christian Infernalists and Christian Annihlationists go to Heaven, and see everybody happy in Heaven, will they be disappointed that they were wrong?


I wouldn’t be too hard on them though. Because I used to be a Christian Infernalist, then a Christian Annihilationist too. How did I eventually become a Christian Universalist? It just randomly happened I guess lol. But that’s how I also became a Christian in the first place XD. All part of God’s plan.

06/25/2023 6:45 PM

Matthew 10:29-31 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.



No one can permanently fall outside our Father’s care. The Lord cares for all creation, humans, sparrows, even the fallen angels. Fall, πεσεῖται peseitai Strong's 4098 here is used to describe the angel Satan having fallen πεσόντα pesonta Strong's 4098 from Heaven Luke 10:18.


All creation, no matter how evil, will be made clean by the blood of Christ, by faith in Him, and thus be reconciled with God in Heaven.

06/26/2023 5:33 PM

Amos 5:4 For Yahweh says to the house of Israel: “Seek me, and you will live; (WEB)


The YHWH God Is real. What were we created for? To live? Why would God destroy that original purpose.

Genesis 2:7. When the breath of life is breathed into a creature, they become a living creature.

Thus, we must obtain the Holy Spirit of Permanent Life, all will by faith in Christ, who’s blood blots out the consequence of death for all sins.

That is why live: וִֽחְיֽוּ׃ (wiḥ·yū) Strong's 2421:  means to live and to revive. Everyone will be resurrected thus in glorified bodies.

06/27/2023 2:27 PM

My own biological mother threw a Bible verse I had written into the garbage. I was crying when I was talking to her today. She does not believe in Christian Universalism. My own biological father does not believe in Christian Universalism either.


At my desk, she saw me peacefully writing a Bible verse by myself. She got upset. She called me “crazy”, “weird”, “not normal” because I spread these papers in public. She is against me talking to people online about this too, like on Discord. She says she does not want to be friends with a person who writes Bible verses like I do. She commands me to stop evangelizing; I will not stop.


She called it a waste of time, over and over again. She says other people have their own religious beliefs, so I should not interfere. She says this should be kept inside only church buildings.


But how will those outside these buildings hear this good news? That person she mentioned, on Discord, became converted to Christian Universalism because I talked with them. So, it’s not a waste. Those dozens of papers I wrote, well, my mother read one, so it was not a waste. And my younger sister became a Christian Universalist too.


So, I showed her this verse, which I show to you too my friends :)

Psalm 105:1 Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples! (ESV).



When people online insult me, it hurts. When my own mother insults me, it hurts even more.


Even still, I still love her. Please Father, forgive her.

06/29/2023 2:16 AM

Romans 5:19 for as through the disobedience of the one man, the many were constituted sinners: so also through the obedience of the one, shall the many be constituted righteous. (YLT).

The many πολλοί (polloi) Strong's 4183 who are sinners is the exact same Greek word as the many πολλοί (polloi) Strong's 4183: who are made righteous. Now, how many people will become believers in Christ? All who do not believe. How many will become reconciled with God? All who are not yet reconciled. In the past, we were all not believers in Christ and were not reconciled, just as we were made righteous, so too will the rest of all sinners, all humans, by faith in Christ.

06/29/2023 10:03 PM

Romans 8:30 and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.



If God predestined everyone to be saved by becoming believers in Christ, why are there still so many people who do not believe in Christ?”


The fact that there are people who are not believers in Christ means that His predestination for all creation remains true. When a farmer picks apple, not all are red right away. Those which were red first were called the “firstfruits” ἀπαρχὴ (aparchē) 1 Corinthians 15:23.


He predestined προώρισεν (proōrisen) Strong's 4309: To foreordain, predetermine, mark out beforehand.


Yes, God has predetermined the event of “Everyone As Believers in Christ” in advance. But He has also predetermined the events of “1% of the World Are Believers in Christ”, 10%, 25%, 50%, 75%. It’s like a loading screen. It does not fill up right away, yet eventually it will.

06/30/2023 12:51 PM

He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that, free from sins, we might live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed..



His wounds heal us. μώλωπι (mōlōpi) Strong's 3468: A bruise, stripe, left on the body by scourging. Many people are bruised… they look at life and wonder if happiness is even possible, in a world filled with so much suffering. Yet, Christ suffered for our sins, in order to free us. There is permanent freedom awaiting us all, healing ἰάθητε (iathēte) Strong's 2390, by faith alone in Him, God.

07/01/2023 6:43 PM

  Matthew 5:17 Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets. I have come not to abolish but to fulfill.



To abolish [them], καταλῦσαι (katalysai) Strong's 2647: From kata and luo; to loosen down, i.e. to demolish; The Lord desires to save all people. 1 Timothy 2:3-6. Will He abolish His own desire? No, just as He does not abolish the law. God’s plan is to save everybody from sin. Ephesians 1:10. Will He demolish His own plan? No, just as He does not demolish the prophets.


From this, we conclude that the Lord does not abolish nor demolish anyone permanently No. Therefore, all will believe in Him, Christ, for His desire and plan to be fulfilled, πληρῶσαι (plērōsai) Strong's 4137:, finish

07/02/2023 8:01 PM

Now my mother, a Christian, and my younger sister, a Christian Universalist, are both against me spreading the good news of Christian Universalism by handing out my handwritten Bible verses to people in public. They have been my close friends for so many years, I still love them, but even if I am completely alone, I will still have Christ.


Though my earthly father is not a Christian Universalist, he is still a Christian, like my mother, he supports my soulwinning, so I felt his support here much more than those two.


I wept so much when gently talking to my mother and sister today that I continued crying inside our house, outside, in the car ride to church, and throughout the physical church meeting while singing to worship music.


There, they showed this verse

Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (NKJV)



treasure θησαυρός (thēsauros)

Strong's 2344: A store-house for precious things;


Jesus is precious. My mother and sister are precious to me. Are we not all precious to Him as well? Therefore, He will store us in His Father’s House. He will never completely lose us. All will have faith in Christ to be permanently saved thus.

07/03/2023 8:33 PM

My mother is actively trying to stop me from spreading the Gospel of Christ, that He will save all.


My family were preparing to go out, I was sitting peacefully waiting for them. Suddenly, my mother appeared and grabbed the Bible verses out of the right side of my shorts, she took them from me! I suddenly realized that she was about to grab the Bible verses from the left side of my shorts too, so I quickly went outside. I pray to the Lord that my mother is blessed. And I'm grateful that I at least have these I can still use. I have placed the Bible verses in my shoes, left and right, inside of my socks at the bottom of my feet to help prevent my mother from taking away my Bible verses. I will not stop spreading the Bible. As it is written.


Romans 10:15 How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the Gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things Isaiah 52:7



When my mother came into the car, I asked her if she could please return the Bible verses that she took from me. She asked why, so I replied saying I would spread them in public. As of sending this message to you, my friends, she has not returned those Bible verses she took from me. I will write more.

07/04/2023 7:33 PM

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it in all its fullness (BSB).


in all its fullness. περισσὸν (perisson) Strong's 4053: From peri; superabundant or superior

How can one live a life of all fullness without their loved ones there? A superior, superabundant life without their family and friends? God desires to save the fullness of the Earth through Christ, believe in Him to be permanently saved.

The thief whose name is “Eternal Conscious Torment” comes to steal happiness and replace it with constant torture. The thief whose name is “Annihilationism” comes to permanently destroy.

07/06/2023 12:05 AM

Daniel 2:22 He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what is in the darkness, and the light dwells with him.



and hidden things; וּמְסַתְּרָתָ֑א (ū·mə·sat·tə·rā·ṯā) Strong's 5642: To conceal, to demolish. The only other occurrence of  סְתַר (cthar) comes from Ezra 5:12 where it says “destroyed this house”. As that which is destroyed/demolished can still be revealed, that means they are not permanently completely demolished.


Yet God is a revealer of secrets and mysteries. Daniel 2:47. As long as someone does not believe in Christ, God to them is a mystery. John 14:6. If God permanently destroys someone, then salvation is kept a secret to them. If God permanently tortures someone, then the joy of being saved is kept hidden from them.


Light dwells with the Lord Jesus, therefore this light must dwell inside all people, in order for the glory of God to be revealed to all.

07/06/2023 3:19 PM

My mother, sister and I were crying. Today, July 6 2023, my mother told us that for her mammogram… they found something. She’s scheduled for another appointment July 18 2023. We’re worried she may have breast cancer.


Even after telling me this bad news, she continued telling me to stop writing Bible verses. I love her… but I will not stop.

Acts 5:29 “Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.”



I know I wanted her to stop preventing me from spreading the good news that all will become believers in Christ. But please, Father, not like this…

07/07/2023 5:15 PM

My mother says she feels pain in her right breast and in her right hand. The one who did her mammogram asked my mother the name of her doctor so they could send a written note. We are preparing for her possible death.


James 4:14 ESV Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.



We discussed who gets the share of her assets, her will, how to be buried, her cooking recipes, what sort of casket she likes, etc. If you told me I would be making these preparations a few days ago, I may not have believed you.


She warned us there are women who may want to marry my father in order to divorce him and get half our assets. As well, to take off her ring before burial so funeral staff do not commit the sin of stealing it. Exodus 20:15.

While my sister and I stayed with her, she talked about how life is short and fragile. Yet, she has continued to tell me to stop spreading the Bible. Though I love her, I will continue telling people to believe in Christ to be saved.


Yet… our lives are so short. Is that really enough time to come to such a big decision as to believe? In Numbers One:1,18,2022,24,26,28,30,32,34,36,38,40,42,45 it refers to those “twenty years old and upwards” as the age of consent, like for consensus or war.


Many don’t even live that long! Yet, are they doomed to endless torture or permanent destruction because biologically their brain has not fully developed?


In fact, when does our brain EVER fully develop?


Harvard Medical School states that “scientists now see the brain as continuously changing and developing across the entire life span”. What if someone’s brain has not biologically changed in a way that makes the idea of becoming a believer in Christ appealing?


Today marks day 4 of the hottest day recorded on Earth. External factors like heat due to climate change also affect someone’s cognitive functions. Many are too busy living paycheck-to-paycheck, what time is there for them to even learn the basics of Christianity?


To deny post-mortem salvation is cruel, unjust and unbiblical. Psalm 16:10. Acts 2:27. All in the realm of the dead, Sheol/Hades, will eventually become believers in Christ and thus be saved.

07/08/2023 10:16 PM

Again, my mother tells me to stop spreading the good news of Christ. Why is she so persistent? She tells me she fears I will be murdered and tortured. And that my family will be murdered and tortured. I am against the sins of murder Exodus 20:13 and torture Psalm 11:5.


Jeremiah 29:11 ESV For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.



If that is my fate, to suffer, then it is what it is. However, that murder will not be permanent nor will that torture be endless. As it is the fate for all people to become believers in Christ.

07/09/2023 2:01 PM

Isaiah 54:10 “shall the mountains depart, nor shall thy hills be removed: so neither shall my mercy fail thee” (BST)



Why will all become believers in Christ and thus be reconciled with God? Because otherwise, God’s mercy fails. Yet clearly, scripture teaches that:


God’s loving-devotion/kindness will not depart/remove from you


וְחַסְדִּ֞י (wə·ḥas·dî) Strong's 2617 לֹֽא־ (lō-) Strong's 3808 יָמ֗וּשׁ (yā·mūš) Strong's 4185


Annihilationism removes God’s loving-devotion. Eternal Conscious Torment has God’s kindness depart. In both cases, God gives up. Yet, the Bible explicitly teaches that He does not. Thus, Christian Universalism is true.

07/10/2023 3:18 PM

Proverbs 18:10 The name of the Lord is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.



Only the righteous צַדִּ֣יק (ṣad·dîq) Strong’s 6662 are kept safe. Yet, no human on Earth is righteous צַדִּ֖יק (ṣad·dîq) Strong’s 6662. Ecclesiastes 7:20. Who then is kept safe by the Lord? There must be a way to gain righteousness, otherwise no one is safe.


How then is righteousness gained? Only by faith in the name of the Lord Christ Jesus, who died for our unrighteousness. Therefore, all humans on Earth will be kept safe by belief in Him, His righteous blood.

07/11/2023 7:41 PM

Isaiah 45:9

Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker,

those who are nothing but potsherds

among the potsherds on the ground.

Does the clay say to the potter,

What are you making?’

Does your work say,

The potter has no hands’?



A potsherd is a broken fragment of a pot, one clay pot חֶ֖רֶשׂ (ḥe·reś) Strong's 2789: Earthenware, earthen vessel, sherd, potsherd.


Indeed, we are like earthen vessels. We, humans of the earth, with our bodies as vessels for our souls, are all sinners.


We have all broken the law of God, our Maker. Thus, with His hands, He will convince all of us through His own hands to believe in Christ, to be repaired from our sins.


Can the annihilationist clay say to the potter “What are you making? Salvation for all? Don’t you want to permanently destroy the sinners?”


Can the infernalist clay say “The potter can not save everybody because He has no hands?”

07/12/2023 9:29 AM

Matthew 16:18 And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it.


Sheol Psalm 16:10 = Hades Acts 2:27 = Realm of the dead. The English word “hell” is used in KJB, even though that specific term is not used in the original scriptures at all.


Strong’s 4439 refers to πύλαι (pylai) as a leaf or wing of a folding entrance. With Hades ᾅδου (hadou) Strong's 86 as place of departed souls.


For God’s word to be true, the entrance to the place of departed souls must not prevail. Meaning there must not be even a single person who is permanently trapped in Hades. But how many will be members of His church? Meaning, how many will have faith alone in Christ? 1 Corinthians 15:22-28 …in Christ all will be made alive (LSB)

07/13/2023 4:04 PM

My earthly father told me that he was emailing a man who was laughing about a funny video and then immediately the next day this man suddenly died of kidney failure.


Ecclesiastes 9:2 Everyone will die someday (NIRV)


Many people will die today says around ~150,000.


Ecclesiastes 9:2 Everyone shares the same fate (NETB)


But what is this fate? For all to die in Adam and thus for all to be made alive in Christ. For all sinners to become believers in Christ. Thus, our fate is shared, both in death and in life afterwards. And because some have been saved Ephesians 2:8-9, all will be saved.

07/14/2023 8:32 PM

1 Thessalonians 5:15 See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men.



What is evil? evil κακὸν (kakon) Strong's 2556: Bad, evil, in the widest sense.


Biblically, God does not cast out forever. Lam 3:3. But hypothetically, if He did, whether by permanent torture/destruction, He would see us as worthless. Because love means correctional punishment, which must be temporary. The punishment lasts as long as the evil lasts. Therefore, as long as evil exists, punishment will continue.


So, if the punishment lasts forever, then no correction can be made. It means that God failed to follow that which is good, meaning, to bring sinners to righteousness by faith alone in Christ.


James 4:17 If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.



God knows what He ought to do, to remove all evil, which is only possible by saving us all. So, if God does not save us all, He commits sin. This is a contradiction, since God cannot commit sin Psalm 18:30, thus Universal Reconciliation through Christ is true.


The love of violence, Psalm 11:5. חָמָ֑ס (ḥā·mās)


Strong's 2555: Violence, wrong, by meton, unjust gain

07/16/2023 7:45 PM

[A phone message from yesterday me]


I type this as I wait in line at anime convention Ai-kon which I enjoy to get a free signature (per person) from voice actor for Ayaka, from fictional aka fake video games Genshin Impact which my sister and I are fans of. VA for Felix is here too, which she is getting a free signature from.


 Psalm 37:7 NRSV Be still before the LORD, and wait patiently for him; do not fret over those who prosper in their way, over those who carry out evil devices.



Since I've got plenty of time, here's today's nonfiction aka real daily Bible verse. Going to Heaven is like waiting in line. Some people have faith in Christ earlier than others. You must have faith in Christ to go to Heaven. Who is in this line? All people! No matter how long it takes, you will reach the end to receive the free gift of life from LORD God Jesus, permanent peace in paradise.


NOOOOOO. :( lol. Well, the signing line I was in for VA Erica Mendez closed so I did not get her signature here. However, the line to Heaven never closes, as the LORD God is greater than all humans.

07/17/2023 1:35 PM

I type this as I am once again waiting in line with my sister at anime convention Ai-kon to get a free signature from English VA for Ayaka 3 great characters from fictional aka fake series Genshin Impact that I enjoy.


 Revelation 21:27 ESV But nothing unclean will ever enter it, nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb's book of life.



A signature is like a written name. So then, whose names will be written in the nonfictional aka real Lamb's Book of Life? Everybody's names, never to be permanently blotted out. As the blood of the Lamb washes away all uncleanliness to those with faith. All people will thus believe in the Lamb of God, Christ to gain permanent citizenship in paradise, the Holy City of New Jerusalem.

07/18/2023 8:29 PM

Galatians 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.



The false doctrine of eternal conscious torture is human tradition, no biblical punishment lasts forever.


In the past (2018), my earthly father whom I love said: “Those are really the type of people who deserve eternal punishment in hell. The type who should be engulfed in the flames for ever and ever.”


If I wanted to win the approval of my earthly father, I would agree with him, except I do not, as I am a servant of Christ. “Eternal” = mistranslated as “forever and ever” = aionios in Greek = pertaining to an age


In the past (2023), my earthly mother whom I love said: “You don’t know what type of person you’re talking to online. You’re being manipulated! You’re smart… use that… use your smartness.”


If I wanted to please my early mother with my “smartness”, I would agree with her, I except I do not, as I am a servant of Christ. To you, my friends, who I talk to online, I will continue to spread the Gospel of Christian Universalism. <3

07/20/2023 6:41 PM

1 Samuel 15:2-3 ESV This is what the LORD Almighty says: ‘I will punish the Amalekites for what they did to Israel when they waylaid them as they came up from Egypt. Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’”



Murder is always a sin. Exodus 20:13. Murder = Unlawful unjustified killing. Not all killing is bad. God’s command to kill men/women/children/infants/animals is good because it’s lawful, as God cannot break His own law, and justified, as all are sinners and have fallen short of God’s glory. Romans 3:23. This killing is not חָמָ֑ס (ḥā·mās) Strong's 2555, which is violence, which the LORD God is against Psalm 11:5. Proverbs 3:31. Thus, God’s punishments, like God’s approved killings, cause grief as per Lamentations 3:31-33, the LORD Almighty does not enjoy it.


Will the LORD God rest in permanent unenjoyment? That’s what Infernalists and Annihlationists posit, who believe God tortures and destroys forever. Yet, Zephaniah 3:17 ESV tells us “He [the LORD God] will rejoice over you with gladness”. God does not enjoy punishing people, yet, here He’s glad? Huh???? Clearly there’s a contradiction here, which is only resolved through Christian Universalism, which posits that God’s punishments are temporary and all will be permanently made alive by faith in Christ. The fact that God rejoices means that there’s a time where punishment ends.

07/21/2023 10:42 PM

 Romans 5:3-4 (RSV) “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope”



Suffering has the ability to produce repentance, metanoia, meaning, a change of mind. To be convinced to believe in the Christ, that’s the end goal, hope.


Yet with infernalism, there is no end to suffering, no end goal. The LORD fails to correct, He becomes “incorrect” in His promise as Saviour 1 Timothy 4:10.


With annilhationism, the suffering has failed to achieve its purpose. They are permanently destroyed before they believe in Christ. Like a character arc cut off before it’s second season. If the LORD had waited just a little bit longer they would be saved, but oops, did He become too tired of waiting? Even though LORD = Love = patience. 1 Corinthians 13:4. Even though He’s already waited thousands of years for us!


Countdown: Yesterday was the 7th day, now 6 more days until I reveal the name of the violent organization that my mother fears will torture and murder our family.

07/23/2023 12:18 AM

My mother, sister, father and I went to IKEA today where I spread the good news that all people will eventually believe in Jesus Christ and thus will be saved. There I handwrote Bible verses with a big plushie of a shark called a “BLÅHAJ”, which was in my shopping cart and then carried by hand after the stairs.


It seems those among the LGBTQ+ community have association with this BLÅHAJ. Interesting. I am LGBTQ+ affirming and support them, so this is good.


 Psalm 148:7 Praise the LORD from the earth, You great sea creatures and all the depths;



Yes, all sharks will praise the LORD.

great sea creatures תַּ֝נִּינִ֗ים (tan·nî·nîm) Strong's 8577: A marine, land monster, sea-serpent, jackal also appears in Exodus 7:9+7:10 where Aaron threw down his staff and it became a תַּ֝נִּינִ֗ים (tan·nî·nîm): serpent NLT, snake NIV. Isaiah 34:13+35:7+43:20+51:9 KJB uses “dragon(s)”.


Who is a monster on our land John 8:44, a serpent 2 Cor 11:3, a dragon Revelation 12:9? Satan. Some of you may think you are too evil to be saved from sin, yet truly, even Satan will believe in the Lord Jesus Christ to be made permanently clean of all his sin. Yes, even the devil, that תַּ֝נִּינִ֗ים (tan·nî·nîm), will praise the LORD!


Countdown: 5 days

07/23/2023 11:27 PM

Today my mother saw a crack 2 cubits long in our ceiling dripping water from rainfall. My father looked in the attic and saw it close to knob and tube wiring. There’s a risk of it catching on fire and burning down our home. My family is worried. An allegory for many societies that are currently collapsing with its citizens unaware.


 2 Corinthians 5:1 “Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is dismantled, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.” (MSB)



Many citizens of Christianity are unaware that “eternal”: αἰώνιον (aiōnion) Strong's 166, means a duration through the age(s) [aión(s)] to which the thing spoken or relates. Like Jonah’s aiónion residence in the fish is mistranslated as “forever” (Jonah 2:6 NIV NLT ESV BSB etc) לְעוֹלָ֑ם (lə·‘ō·w·lām) Strong's 5769 when it was 72 hours. (Jonah 1:17).


So that “everlasting” aiónion punishment mentioned by Infernalists/Annihlationists (Matthew 25:46)? For some it may be 3 days. Or more or less. It really “pertains to the age(s) [aión(s)]”. But never “forever”.

But wait” you may say “so our ‘building from God, an “eternal” aiónion house in heaven’ will only last for age(s) [aión(s)]? How do we know we have permanent life in heaven when we believe in Christ to be saved?”


John 6:37 MSB: Everyone the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will never drive away. -> Who has been given to the Father? Everyone.

John 10:28 MSB I give them eternal (aiónion) life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them out of My hand. -> The aiónion first sentence does not make our life permanent in heaven, but rather the second sentence.

Romans 8:39 MSB neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. -> The love of God is what makes everyone’s lives permanent in heaven, not the word aiónion!


Climate change shall burn down many people’s aiónion homes on Earth, to whom they shall be given aiónion homes in Heaven. Our earthly lives are aiónion and so are our heavenly ones! What gives everyone permanent life in our belief in Christ? Not the word “aiónion”, but rather, the simple fact that God loves us and will never let us go <3


Countdown: 4 days

07/24/2023 6:52 PM

No one:

Me: Time for the daily Bible verse!


1 Samuel 2:2 AB “There is no one holy like the LORD, There is no one besides You, There is no Rock like our God.”


Yet, the LORD has called us to be holy. 1 Peter 1:15-16. It is the LORD’s desire for ALL our conduct to be holy. Therefore, the LORD must wash away ALL our sins (unholiness), only achievable by faith alone in the righteous (holy) blood of Lord Christ. 1 Peter 1:19.


It is impossible for anything unholy (all sinners) to have holy conduct (righteousness). Since God desires ALL our conduct be holy, He must have ALL people believe in Jesus Christ for each to gain the Holy Spirit. Only then, after salvation, are good works even possible. Hebrews 11:6. Thus, there is no one who will be without the Holy Ghost.


There is no one = אֵין־ (’ên-) Strong's 369: A non-entity, a negative particle


Who will God fail to save? No one: 1 Timothy 4:10.

Who will lose salvation? No one: John 10:28.


Us, the clothes You love John 3:16, are stained with red sin. Isaiah 1:18 Do you…

Infernalism: Hide the clothes in Your closet = Unholiness persists

Annilhationism: Destroy Your beloved clothes = Holiness is missed

Christian Universalism: Wash Your clothes so we are clean = Holiness persists


Infernalism and Annilhationism perpetually continue the existence of sin, unholiness. The only way for unholiness, sin, to become a non-entity is for all entities to become holiness through Christ, this is Christian Universalism.


Countdown: 3 days

07/25/2023 8:18 PM

Yet another email from a different Canadian government worker today. To my sister, it says “You will be supervised by trusted government staff” (copy-pasted quote). My day job is also related to the Government of Canada.


If my family and I are tortured and killed by the murderous group I will namedrop in 2 days, so be it. This is information that I have not seen posted anywhere else, so I might be the first to leak this.


Because I promote Christianity with my handwritten Bible verses, my mother today physically calls me weird, an embarrassment and a disgrace to the family. She says I am like the evil Putin, a robot like ChatGPT with no feelings, no emotions, who does not understand and am being manipulated and possessed by the Devil. She says I will lose my job, get a new job, lose that one too, and keep repeating this process until I am living on the streets. So, I tell her that I love and care for her. I bless her.


Why? Because my mother worries our family will be killed by the evil international organization that I will namedrop in 2 days. That evil group has collaborations with the government and police force.


My mother says that if my sister is tortured (sin of violence Psalm 11:5) and murdered Exodus 20:13 that her blood will be on my hands and that I may feel guilty and kill myself so we’re both dead. I will miss the happy days of watching anime and playing video games with them… But truly I tell you, there will be a time where those happy days will never end as all will eventually believe in Christ and thus be saved and go to Heaven.

 1 Peter 3:17 ESV For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God's will, than for doing evil.



Why do I risk my life? My mother tells me we’re all going to die soon anyways. Climate change, world war, biodiversity loss, civil conflict, famine, etc. It’s like we are on the sinking ship of the Titanic and I’m mopping the floors. But this is precisely the reason why I’m so motivated, because soon all of our suffering will end! :D

07/26/2023 5:02 PM

My own family members are part of this evil murderous church that I will expose tomorrow, July 27 2023, a special day. Not my father, nor my sister, nor I, nor no longer my mother as well, but many others.


Yesterday, I asked my mother if they would even kill a member of their own family. She said it’s a possibility because they are so devoted to this wicked church.


This is not surprising, as the first human murderer was Cain who killed his brother Abel. Genesis 4:8. Yet, the LORD did not permanently destroy Cain, as Annihlationists believe is the fate of sinners.


 Genesis 4:15 Then the Lord put a mark on Cain so that no one who found him would kill him.



For Infernalism to be true, Cain’s punishment would have to be endless, meaning no beginning. Yet, the LORD declared it as an earthly punishment, a clear start date. And it lasts for as long as Cain is alive on the earth, not forever.


 Genesis 4:10-12

11 Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. 12 When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.” 13 Cain said to the LORD, “My punishment is more than I can bear.



The Hebrew word for “My punishment” עֲוֺנִ֖י (‘ă·wō·nî) Strong's 5771: Iniquity, guilt, punishment for iniquity is used in Psalm 32:5 “…you forgave the guilt of my sin.” (NIV). That is the end date of curse for a person. How does one gain forgiveness for sins? As the wages of sin is death, thus, Christ died to pay that price and bodily resurrected. Thus, Christian Universalism is true, as all murderers like Cain, all sinners, will eventually believe in the LORD God Jesus and be saved.

07/28/2023 12:54 AM

Philippians 2:11 And every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.


Have faith alone in Jesus Christ, the LORD God, all shall thus be saved.


Ha… I feel myself uncontrollably shaking as I type this…


Today, July 27 2023, is Iglesia Ni Cristo Day, the founding day of the “Church of Christ”. They are extremely evil. I know this as a person who’s been inside of their physical building in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, my location. They know where my physical address is, where I live. They have already been here, to my family’s house. My mother immigrated from the Philippines where they were located.

Exodus 20:13 ESV You shall not murder. Deuteronomy 5:17 ESV ‘You shall not murder. 1 John 3:12 ESV We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother.



List of the Evil Iglesia Ni Cristo’s (aka INC’s) Many Sins:

Murdering Many People: INC “spiriting away” their victims to hide scandal, decomposing bodies in choir chapel basement, continually mauled, shot dead in head, rupturing blood vessels, asphyxia, suffocation, strangulation, hemorrhage, intracranial damage, trauma creation, conspiracy to kill unlawfully, mortally wounding, raping a high school girl with a bottle, sexual assault, sexual abuse, multiple gunshot wounds head body, fatal shooting, abuse, drowning

Psalm 11:5 ESV The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence. Proverbs 3:31 ESV Do not envy a man of violence and do not choose any of his ways,



Violence Against Many People: Cutting off genitals, physical torture, assault, abduction, gun whipped, beaten with steel tubes, beaten with lead pipes, beaten with blunt instruments, intimidation, attempting to run over someone, news agency tire slashing “coincidence”, laceration, wounding, ligature marks, contusions, bruising, hematoma, forcefully hog tied, fractured skull, burning skin, cord impressions, abrasions, brawl, chasing by running, kicking, tying hands, private organ abuse, kidnapping via dragging into van, boxed, bringing blowtorch, causing crying, gunned down, stalking, sending death threats, harassment, arson, burning donated property to the ground, throwing big rock at truck, blindfolded, mutilation, bleeding to death on floor, interrogation at gunpoint, handcuffed in car with grenade, threats, online threatening, destruction of property, gunshots in automobile, quarrelsome, tampering with corpses, trapping, aggressive driving,

Exodus 20:15 ESV You shall not steal. Ephesians 4:28 ESV Let the thief no longer steal,



Stealing From Many People: smuggling over a million in cash across international borders without declaring it (must declare when over 10 000 in cash), illegally importing money to Philippines, scamming,


Exodus 20:16 ESV You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.  Exodus 23:1 ESV You shall not spread a false report. Proverbs 19:5 ESV A false witness will not go unpunished



Bearing False Witness Against Many People: falsifying lawsuits, suing news agencies that cover their stories to take them down, tampering with evidence, collaboration with police as they are members of INC, hiding from reporters, media blackout

And many many more…


Evidence: INC Minister arrested, sufficient testimony for conviction, separate decisions of granting official refugee status in Canada to three former members as INC has “serious motivation to harm and kill”, real Criminal Case Numbers from Regional Trial Court of Manila, investigation by police crime operatives, multiple witnesses, interviews, news articles, human right violations with actual photos of victim and their burial, printed newspaper scan, victim graphic morgue photograph, bought to Supreme Court


My mother escaped this church. I have family members still inside of it who are extremely devoted. I post these facts so the world can know the truth before I die, as my family fears we may be tortured and murdered by them, yes, even by members of our own family. What I described above, they may do to us, or even worse, because I leak this information.


Online Proof:


New Info I Have Leaked:


If I ever disappear… I hope you understand…

07/30/2023 1:43 AM

Typing today on road trip with family away from house, safety. Murderous Iglesia Ni Cristo has been to our physical address.


 John 14:6 HCSB Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”



way, ὁδὸς (hodos) Strong's 3598: A way, road, journey, path.


Are we there yet?” is a common road trip saying. Everyone will reach the destination called Heaven as all will believe in LORD Jesus Christ; He is the only road to paradise.

07/30/2023 10:43 PM

Was running with my sister outside as I spread Christian Universalism Gospel verses. We found a rich neighborhood since it had a free water dispenser… sponsored by a corporation lol. This fountain at least quenched our thirst.


 John 4:14 But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”



How much more will the water ὕδωρ (hydōr) Strong's 5204 of Christ permanently quench our spiritual thirst for righteousness, due to our dehydration from sin, which is death, we all have. Believe in Christ to drink of this water!


To call this life “eternal” is a mistranslation. For αἰώνιον (aiōnion) Strong’s 166 dictates a limited duration, with beginning and end. Like how God divided the waters of the firmament Genesis 1:7-9 KJV, which was called “Heaven”.


 Genesis 1:1 KJV In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.


 Revelation 21:1 KJV And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.



The waters of the sea are αἰώνιον (aiōnion). Heaven is αἰώνιον (aiōnion). Earth is αἰώνιον (aiōnion). They are all temporary, because they have beginning and end, as described in the beginning and end of the Bible.


Thus, the word “aiōnion” does not guarantee our immortality in Christ, but rather, the line “never by thirsty again”, meaning to be washed clean of all death.

07/31/2023 7:55 PM

My mother told me she was physically assaulted by her father when she was young in the Philippines. Her father was a devoted member of the wicked Iglesia Ni Cristo. I say “was” because he is now already dead. Still, I believe her story and that it’s important to expose this sin of violence. Psalm 11:5.


That’s why I still show her care, despite her cruel insults towards my sister and I. Relatively speaking, she has done well in stopping the cycle of violence, because she escaped the sinful Iglesia Ni Cristo.


I say this because recently another “Christian” replied to me on a forum promoting the continuous physical beating of children under the guise of “religious discipline”. That is a disgusting evil, I rebuke them.


 Ephesians 6:4 Amplified Bible: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly, with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.



Biblical Discipline is done in love. Talk with your children, inside, outside: Deuteronomy 6:7. Train them: Proverbs 22:6 Show them the golden rule: Luke 6:31. Instruct them with Holy Scripture of good and evil: 2 Timothy 3:15. Isaiah 54:13. Describe personal stories to them with sound morals. Proverbs 20:11. This is the Sheperd’s Rod שִׁ֭בְטוֹ (ḇə·ṭōw) Strong's 7626 and no good shepherd beats their sheep.

How much more will Our Father in Heaven, Our Shepherd, show kindness to us? Only temporary punishment is corrective, continuous punishment with end is thus absolutely abusive. Eternal Conscious Torment and Annilhationism slander the nature of God as an abusive father who fails to correct.


Christian Universalism is the fulfillment of God’s love, who will restore all people to Him. Child abusers shall be punished for an age, in order to convince them to believe in Christ to be made clean of their sins, then their punishment will cease.

08/01/2023 2:27 PM

My grandfather is a prepper for societal collapse, has a black belt in karate and owns many guns/ammo. In Jun 2023 he spoke with a member of the evil Iglesia Ni Cristo, one who knows my family. He does not stand a chance against them. My father did speak with them too; he is also a gun owner with a black belt in karate, neither can he survive against them. Nor can I, who am an athlete 5’10” with a body fat percentage of 12.49%: 24lbs, lean mass 87%: 163 lbs shown as “healthy” as per Jul 22 2023. Yet BMI (which is inherently flawed) as it calculates me as 26.77 which is “overweight”. I struggle with my body image, so my friends, do no not judge outwards appearance nor let random numbers stop you from self-love. John 7:24.


Anyways, the murderous Iglesia Ni Cristo has a massive stockpile of guns/ammo with many hitmen and assassins, like “Hinirang”, “Agila”, “SCAN”. The entire Filipino government already struggles against them. All physical strength is utterly meaningless in stopping them.




Ephesians 6:12 NKJV 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

Today, Aug 1 2023, I spoke with my boss via Zoom, a Dr., I work as his assistant. He told me that Republicans and Democrats both receive funding from the National Rifle Association, thus the evil school shootings continue. What truly stops evil? Only spiritual strength. We discussed how human history is a sinusoidal function, a zero-sum game. Bad times create strong men who create good times which creates weak men who create bad times. As long as there is sin, no matter your physical strength, your suffering will never ever stop. So, believe in the Christ, who makes us clean of all sin! Christian Universalism is like a non-zero-sum game, where all shall believe and all our suffering shall cease.

08/03/2023 1:47 PM

My mother’s childhood in the Philippines was spent living in fear due to the violent Iglesia Ni Cristo. Her brother is a well-known INC member and would frequently get into street brawls. The INC taught the martial art called “Eagle”.


Out of revenge, these people wanted to kill her brother and his family. Rats would crawl around their hours and their buckets caught water leaking from the roof. Her family, them being members of the INC, would take shifts in the night, looking outside for danger. Some may enjoy the beautiful lights of fireworks, but to my mother, they were used as explosive weapons. They were already so poor, why does the INC continue to exploit those trapped in poverty by manipulating them to give more than they can afford?

'As spoken by fellow Christian Universalist, mandatory monetary tithing is not biblical!


Yet interestingly, the INC does not have 10% tithing. Why? Because they ask for much much more then merely 10% of a person’s income.


So, I understand those who desire vengeance towards the evil Iglesia Ni Cristo because of how much the INC has taken away from people, but be warned of the sin of unjustified killing, which is murder Exodus 20:13, do not repay evil with evil! 1 Thessalonians 5:15. 1 Peter 3:9. Let us expose their evil to the public. Today, Aug 2 2023, my mother says that me spreading Bible verses is a crime and that my handwritten Bible verses are like garbage that should be thrown up to the mountains for no one to see it. She calls me a disgrace, a satanist and the devil’s convert. She says I’m making destruction of myself and making my life miserable. She says this is a privacy issue and that I will hate myself, but I do not regret leaking this information, this is good. How else can the infernalistic INC be brought to justice? Who else will expose the Iglesia Ni Cristo’s false doctrine of eternal conscious torment?


Psalm 90:15 NIV Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,

    for as many years as we have seen trouble.

08/03/2023 8:33 PM

Acts 9:20-21 International Children’s Bible. Soon he began to preach about Jesus in the synagogues, saying, “Jesus is the Son of God!” 21 All the people who heard him were amazed. They said, “This is the man who was in Jerusalem. He was trying to destroy those who trust in this name! He came here to do the same thing. He came here to arrest the followers of Jesus and take them back to the leading priests.”



12 years old and under I was, in school, in daycare, and there were the sins of violence. This was long before I believed in Christ. Children from families in the evil Iglesia Ni Cristo, like myself. Me as a child getting physically assaulted by other children and physically assaulting them in return. How much was self-defence? How much was evil hatred?


So around 12 years old when my close friend physically punched me over and over again I did not fight back at all. I cried, putting my arms up to block the blows. It took a while, but after that, violence decreased. So, when my sister was in the same elementary school, it was much more peaceful. Many years later I became a believer in Christ.


What even is the sin of violence anyways!?!? Because God never sins yet He clearly commanded the killing and utter destruction of man, woman, children, infants, etc. 1 Samuel 15:3 What justifies this is that they were not endlessly killed nor permanently destroyed forever. Otherwise, if Christian Universalism is not true, would it not have been better to let the children live longer so they have more time to believe in Christ? God’s order here is only justifiable if the infants have the ability to believe in Christ after their death, post-mortem salvation, because all humans, including children and infants, have sin, and thus be made clean of their sin by faith in Christ. Romans 3:23.

08/05/2023 11:01 AM

God will not help you even though your words of God you think you’re uttering every single day. Every day. Even though you’re praying to God to help you He will not help you at all.” my mother says to me. She says I will end up as a “bum on the street”.


She does not believe that I can both spread the Bible and continue working at my job. “You’re doomed already right there”, she says, saying I will lose my job because they will find out I am a Christian.


Give me food to eat. Give me a shelter. Provide me a shelter. God will not provide that.” says my mother. Obviously, I want to continue working my job, to survive, but if I lose it because of my faith in Christian Universalism, I trust in the LORD to uphold me.


I can understand her perspective. Why do I risk my future career for the sake of mere words? Why risk my life against the Iglesia Ni Cristo?


2 Corinthians 5:7 CEV But we live by faith, not by what we see.


Because all people shall eventually believe in Christ and shall be saved.

08/05/2023 10:37 PM

I was sanding my basement ceiling today, Aug 5 2023. I wrapped a sheet of sandpaper around a wooden block and I rubbed away with my hand. During this, I listened to interviews of Christian Universalists David Bentley Hart, Gary Amirault, Gerry Beauchemin, Parry (not to be confused with Rob Bell), etc.


I got ceiling dust in my eyes and it physically hurt. Reminded me of the Parable of "The Dust In A Person's Eye"


Matthew 7:3-5. CEV 3 You can see the speck in your friend's eye, but you don't notice the log in your own eye. 4 How can you say, “My friend, let me take the speck out of your eye,” when you don't see the log in your own eye? 5 You're nothing but show-offs! First, take the log out of your own eye; then you can see how to take the speck out of your friend's eye.



After regaining my vision, I realized. Sandpaper is rough. Yet, when rubbed on a surface, makes it smooth. Life is rough. Yet, when we suffer, we gain character, smoothness. Romans 5:3-5. This leads all to hope, faith alone in the carpenter's son, Son of God, Jesus Christ. Matthew 13:55, which saves us all.


Why did God permit the false doctrines of Infernalism/Annihlationism to spread? Would the people I mentioned above be on Youtube videos about UR if UR was so obvious that everyone knew it?


Because of the rough suffering many experienced from ECT/CI, content creators have material to work with, arguments to rebuttal and praises to God, thus smoothness.

08/07/2023 1:25 AM

Typing this while my father drives in the dark mother, sister, aunt, myself right past deer close to road. Worst case scenario we'd all be dead in a car crash if deer was a couple feet to right.


Job 34:20 CSB They die suddenly in the middle of the night; people shudder, then pass away. Even the mighty are removed without effort.


All it takes is a mere instance to die. That's why I was spreading the good news of Christian Universalism with my handwritten Bible verse tracts while shirtless at Gimli beach with them today Aug 6 2023.  It was an Icelandic Festival, showing the vikings, who had belief in the Norse mythological concept of Hel, the underworld, where people go after they die, ruled by the false goddess Hel.


Later, mainstream Christianity adopted this word "hell" into many Bible mistranslations: NIV, KJB, ESV, (none in YLT, CLV, NAB, etc.)


The true underworld, the realm of the dead, is referred to as Sheol שְׁאוֹל in Hebrew OT Psalm 16:10 and Hades ᾍδης, ου, ὁ in Greek NT Acts 2:27. What makes this not a myth is because the true LORD God rules over the unseen world. Psalm 86:13 proves He delivers souls out of this abode of departed spirits. Thus, post-mortem salvation is possible. Yes, even atheists who die suddenly in car crashes will still eventually believe in Christ and be saved! Unlike what the delusiononal false tracts of infernalist Jack Chick say, all people will believe in Christ and be saved!

08/08/2023 1:28 AM

Romans 6:23 NRSV For the wages of sin is death

We see ὀψώνια (opsōnia) used as the word for “wages” which, from Strong's 3800: is connected to opsarion; rations for a soldier, i.e. his stipend or pay.


When one thinks of their “pay” they may imagine an “hourly wage”. Yet, for a soldier to somehow “earn” endless punishment as what they sow, they must somehow “endlessly sin”. Which means, in ECT, God allows sin to continue during the punishment, thus the former things aka “sin” has failed to pass away and scripture is contradicted. Revelation 21:4.


Annilhationism is no better. Hebrews 9:22, the remission of blood is required for forgiveness for sins aka belief in the precious blood of Christ. 1 John 1:7. When one is permanently destroyed before they believe, their sin is not permanently destroyed! Sin therefore continues to exist permanently! A permanent failure in God’s plan for the former things to pass away.


The only way to permanently pass away the former things, sin, is to have everyone believe in Christ!

08/09/2023 1:57 AM

Had a Zoom meeting with my Dr. boss today, Aug 8 2023, where we spoke of financial fate.


Proverbs 13:7 NASB There is one who pretends to be rich, but has nothing; Another pretends to be poor, but has great wealth


Many shopping at malls buy expensive Gucci or Supreme clothing with credit card debt. Keeping up with the Jones’. They want to impress their social networks, to brag. Many fail to pay off their loans and reach bankruptcy, they default, damaging their credit rating, blacklisting them from work. This is dangerous.


My Dr. boss from work can have a larger monthly mortgage payment for a bigger house in square feet. He told me he worries that, if they live such a rich lifestyle, what is there for his daughter to strive for? So, he purposely lives more frugally to save money. This is wise.


Society is the quadratic expression of a parabola, like y = x2 - 2x + 3. Left = Poverty. Right = Riches. The vertex is most optimal.


Proverbs 30:8 NASB Give me neither poverty nor riches;


This verse is modelled as a ball sitting atop this hill. It has the highest possible energy potential, since it may either roll left to poverty or right to riches with kinetic energy. It falls, not like a linear slope, but as an exponential function due to the acceleration of gravity. At the bottom of either side, this potential is lost.

No matter where this ball of a human sinner moves to, they shall surely die. Due to the laws of thermodynamics, our sinful universe is trapped in a closed system, having more energy become unavailable out of entropy due to sin, yet did not God create energy, as He created the rich and poor?


1 Samuel 2:7 NASB The LORD makes poor and rich; He brings low, He also exalts.


It is impossible for any human sinner to defy what the LORD has already planned out through the laws of physics. How can a rolling ball stop itself from falling on its own? How can any sinner stop themselves from being convinced to believe in Jesus Christ to be saved? Truly, all descendants of Adam shall fall and shall believe and shall be saved.


Money is available energy. Those with the sin of covetousness, through greediness, the love of money, 1 Timothy 6:10, who hoard wealth, their stability is a clog in the world’s sewage system. Money, like manure, is most useful when spread around. Blood must flow through the body; the excessively rich are a blood clot in a vein. Woe to them, as they have stolen their employees’ wages, their potential. It’s delusional to try to get infinite growth within a finite system.

08/09/2023 12:44 PM

There’s also the Greek myth of hell ruled by the false underworld god “Hades”. Some people I spoke to tried to falsely claim that Christianity was “mythological” because it also used the word “Hades”, specifically, ᾍδης, ου, ὁ Strong’s Greek 86.


My rebuttal is that the Biblical Hades meaning “realm of the dead” originates from Sheol in Hebrew Psalm 16:10, which preceded literally all of Greek culture! Both simply mean “realm of the dead”, the Greeks merely attached one of their many mythological gods to the concept, like the Hellenistic false god Aion ( Greek: Αἰών), the term related to ages, originally referenced in Hebrew as עוֹלָם Strong’s Hebrew 5769 olam, both do not mean “forever”. Easy way to prove this is with:


Psalm 106:48 NASB “Blessed be the LORD, the God of Israel, From everlasting to everlasting. And all the people shall say, “Amen.” Praise the LORD!”


The olam inflection הָ֤עוֹלָ֨ם ׀ (hā·‘ō·w·lām) is used here twice for each “everlasting”. Forever is infinite. It’s impossible for two infinite objects to take the same space! If a person is stuck in the first “forever” it’s impossible for them to move on to this second “forever”, yet this verse clearly shows a movement from haowlam to haowlam.


But let’s try this translation I made:


Psalm 106:48 “Blessed be the LORD, the God of Israel, From age to age. And all the people shall say, “Amen.” Praise the LORD!”


So like generation to generation, the LORD is still blessed. Both the older and younger generations will praise the LORD! This makes so much more sense. All the people of all the generations of the Earth shall believe in the LORD, Jesus Christ, and thus be saved. Based on this evidence, it’s more likely that the Greeks just borrowed words from the Bible and added different meanings to it… just like many modern day English Bible translators!

08/10/2023 10:37 PM

"stress was significantly correlated with EI and EI was significantly correlated with IQ” Relationships among Stress, Emotional Intelligence, Cognitive Intelligence, and Vytokines. Medicine (Baltimore). 2019 May;98(18):e15345. doi: 10.1097/MD.0000000000015345.,was%20significantly%20correlated%20with%20IQ.&text=The%20correlations%20between%20stress%20and%20EI


Romans 5:3-5 NIV

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.


Biblical Model

Suffering -> Perseverance -> Character -> Hope


Academic Theory

Stress -> Emotional Intelligence -> Intelligence Quotient -> Hope


Suffering is used to eventually lead to belief in Jesus Christ to be saved. Therefore, as long as a person does not believe in Christ, they will continue to be stressed. This suffering, this stress, comes from sin. Revelation 21:4 tells us that there’s no more death

θάνατος (thanatos) Strong's 2288, thus all will have αθανασια (athanasia), meaning immortality (1 Corinthians 15:53, 15:54 and 1 Timothy 6:16 only) through Christ. Thus, permanent death, thanatos, cannot exist, so annilhationism is debunked.


Revelation 21:4 also tells us that there’s no more suffering πόνος (ponos) Strong's 4192: (a) labor, toil, (b) pain, anguish, distress, suffering. From the base of penes; toil, i.e. anguish. No more suffering! That means, not only is ECT proven false, but that everyone has moved past the “Suffering” stage of the Biblical Model, yes, to hope! To belief in Christ! Thus, Christian Universalism is proven true!

08/12/2023 2:10 AM

I'm typing this verse while waiting in the dentist office lobby. I was brushing my teeth today, Aug 11 2023, and my father called me upstairs. He saw a suspicious email so I saw that the domain email address was from a different source then the name who they claimed they were, so it was most likely a scam. My infernalist father said that he wants the scammer to burn in hell. I replied "not forever" I couldn't say much because there was still toothpaste and toothbrush in my mouth.


For accuracy, lets refer to what he mentioned as "hell" as the "Lake of Fire" Matthew 25:41

Why would infernalists want people to burn? Well, it must match God's reason.


Hebrews 12:29 For "our God is an all-consuming fire."


fire. πῦρ (pyr)

Strong's 4442: Fire; the heat of the sun, lightning; fig: strife, trials; the eternal fire. A primary word; 'fire'


That's why Strong's Concordance uses the term "trials". They also use "eternal fire", which more accrutally should be

עוֹלָֽם׃ olam fire, directly connected to punishment of αἰώνιον aionion fire.


Therefore, the only reason infernalist would have to want people to burn in the LoF would be for punishment. For the betterment of those who burn. This leads to the natural conclusion of God needing to have each burning person reach a better state. Without this, there is literally no correction.


What is this better state? It is where one is a believer in Christ.

This furnace of affliction is like brushing your teeth. How long will the toothpaste, the toothbrush, be in your mouth, for how many aions, olams? Until all the dirt, the sins, are removed, only possible by faith alone in Christ. Therefore, as God's fire is all-consumming, all must become believers in Christ.

08/13/2023 12:21 AM

After my dentist appointment with my family yesterday, Aug 11 2023, my Dr. boss called and said that I will be talking on Zoom next week to his mentor from decades ago, who he calls the "Smartest Person in Academia". Idk tho, I’ve yet o meet this Dr. He is the dean of a certain university who published over 60 academic papers.


I work as a research assistant for a job related to the Canadian government. Due to the contract I signed, legally, I may be unable to disclose what the project is. What I can say is that this group is planning on coding a program that will scrape keywords from people's social media posts and categorize their account background based on certain information.


I'm just some random guy getting paid close to minimum wage, who worked at a call center before this, so idk how I got here. I have understanding of the message of the cross, so that’s good enough for me.


1 Corinthians 1:18-19 BSB

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”


Those who are the most intelligent of the intelligent συνετῶν (synetōn) Strong's 4908 and the wisest of the wise σοφῶν (sophōn) Strong's 4680 are spiritually useless in their smartness, no matter how smart, when it exclusively pertains to earthly matters, that which perishes 1 John 2:15-17. All shall obtain spiritual wisdom and spiritual understanding Colossians 1:9 in this matter eventually, the truth of Christian Universalism, all shall believe in Christ and be saved.

08/13/2023 8:58 PM

My father goes to “The Meeting Place church” in Winnipeg, so like years ago, again I attended service with him today, though I disagree with views some have from their denomination. I distributed my handwritten Christian Universalism Bible tracts inside, and my father asked the Teaching Pastor about this since my mother is against it. He said something like, how dialogue is preferably over monologue, conversation over solitary speech, which I agree with. So, to help encourage discussion, I have included my email on my Bible papers too. Behold, my mother saw this, and once again she became angry with me.

1 Timothy 4:10 ESV For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe.


My mother says I am not a Christian, that I’m stubborn. I believed in Christ and was saved around May 14, 2017. Christ is my joy, yet, since then, life has only become more brutal. Like the Bible verses I wrote that disappeared suddenly when my mother was nearby, or my mother patting me down and looking under my clothes before I went outside today, Aug 13 2023, trying to stop me from disturbing Bible verses. Taking away my pen, my pencil, blank papers in my pocket, to stop me from writing.

Yet behold, those were decoy papers! For I kept blanks in my socks and found a pencil outside. She says she hopes she can sell the house so she can leave with my sister. Even if I am completely alone, abandoned, I will still spread Christian Universalism. That is why I toil and strive. Even though my mother says that the murderous Iglesia Ni Cristo cult has finger prints of their members and may trace it back to me as they are my family members. Even though my mother says they may put my Bible paper in the pocket of a dead body and try to frame me for the sin of murder. Exodus 20:13. Even though my mother says that violent gangs may use my Bible papers or fingerprints for illegal drug dealings, as for one of my job applications, I passed a police check so they may still have my information.

08/14/2023 8:05 PM

My mother tells me to stop spreading my UR Bible papers, today Aug 14 2023, saying how, because of the way the Ukraine war is going, if Canada becomes more actively involved, I could get drafted into the military. She says I should just wait for my death there.


Yet, we are already in spiritual warfare. Except, the battle is extremely one-sided in favor of the Almighty LORD!


Luke 10:19 LSB Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing will injure you.


Yes! Literally, God has given us authority over ALL the enemy’s power. As one of my Christian Universalist friends would say, all = all! πᾶσαν (pasan) Strong's 3956: All, the whole, every kind of.


If infernalism is true and if annilhationism is true, then the enemy’s authority is more powerful than God. Because God desires all people to be saved. 1 Timothy 2:4. Thus, all shall believe in Christ and all shall be saved.


My mother tells me that if I stop writing Bible verses, then I will be successful and have a good future. I will not stop, as it is by God’s authority that this good news of Universal Reconciliation be spread to all!

08/15/2023 3:47 PM

Today Aug 15 2023, I had a Zoom meeting with my Dr. Boss and a University Dean who he claims is “The Smartest Person in Academia”.


My Christian mother says she can see the future. She references how she accurately predicted that my boss would phone call me, and behold, it came within 5 minutes. She says those two will be disappointed in me because I spread my handwritten Bible verses in public.


She says I will be framed for a crime I did not commit as a gang will use my Bible papers to deal illegal drugs. She says the police will come to my house, look through our belongings, falsely plant illegal material in my USB I have and arrest me. That I will walk outside handcuffed and the neighbors will take pictures of me and post it on social media. She says my classmates and elementary school teachers will hear of this news. That my enemies will celebrate. “This week” she says as the time where they are already working on framing me.


Outlandish” my Christian Universalist sister replies. I agree. But my mother continues, saying that because I spread these Bible verses, I will be the one responsible for our family getting scammed and going bankrupt, as the police will gain access to our personal information. She calls me a dead man who is walking towards his death. I relate to that. Honestly, my mother has accurately predicted future events before they happened, so this is a possibility. Still, in my calmness, I tell my mother that I care for her and love her. That I forgive all my enemies.

Matthew 28:18 YLT And having come near, Jesus spake to them, saying, 'Given to me was all authority in heaven and on earth;

Yet, how can I, a mere human, possibly overturn my death which the LORD would have predetermined? How can myself, a “dead man”, walk in any other direction that does not lead to my death? No one can resist His Will, His authority, His ἐξουσία (exousia) forever, as it is unchangeable fate that all shall believe in Christ and that all shall be saved.

08/16/2023 10:43 PM [aug 10 2023] Timestamp: 40:20

Mother: “…We were fighting. And I don’t want to kill her” [Past Context: “Her” referring to her own daughter, who is a minor. My mother was screaming, slamming her hand on the table, throwing stuff down the stairs, that day, because my mother wants to ban my sister from all sleepovers. One of her many angry days. My mother wishes that my sister did not even go to a single sleepover. She says she would even resort to ending my sister’s friendships in a “bad way”.]

aunt [mom’s sister] is shocked …

Mother: “I don’t want that I get mad and up to the point where I have to hurt her”

Me: “Wait, so you’re saying you would get up to the point where you would hurt her?” … [I say this because in the past she said she wanted to physically hurt her daughter. And she tried physically hurting her daughter in the past]

Mother: “I don’t want to get to that point where we have to hurt each other because she cannot stop” … [Referring to my sister hanging out with her friends]

Aunt: Because you’re already boiling [talking to my mother]

Timestamp 42:01 My mother finds out that I was recording the conversation. People online said I should record evidence.


My worry is that, in my mother’s anger, she may kill my sister. I was going to call Child Protective Services, but my sister said that she already looked up Child Protective Services before and was not sure if they could really help, so I did not call either.


Despite all this trauma, I would still not want my mother to be tortured forever nor to be destroyed forever. Even though she acts in evil ways. Because she was physically abused by her father. And I act in evil ways too. And my sister too. Because we are emotionally abused by our mother. Thus, I love, forgive and bless her, as I tell her many times.

My father, an infernalist, is so quick to wish a random scammer to go to hell because he gets a scam email from them in his inbox. Why punish them forever for a temporary action?

Colossians 3:25 BLB For the one doing wrong will be repaid for what he has done wrong; and there is no partiality.


I believe this comes from the misunderstanding of the nature of punishment. You see, punishment is always future-oriented! Correctional, meaning, to lead to good. The fact that it must literally lead to a good state means that it cannot last forever. Because that good state must eventually be reached! For if God were to punish forever, then He would fail forever to correct! He would fail to convince people to have faith alone in Christ to be made clean of all their sins. Thus, all shall be saved.

08/17/2023 1:06 PM

My boss called me. I type this while speaking to him on the phone. Though he knows who he claims is the “Smartest Person in Academia”, this person is very humble. We relate this to our financial research, where those who flaunt and brag about their wealth are usually poorer than those who live modestly and have a lot of savings.


Proverbs 13:7 ISV One person pretends to be wealthy, but has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet is rich..


Strong’s 1952. וְה֣וֹן (wə·hō·wn) means wealth, but also means sufficiency. An inflection of this, riches, הוֹן (hon), is seen in


Psalm 119:14. ISV I find joy in the path of your decrees, as if I owned all kinds of riches.


What are riches? We, are the treasures of God. The LORD owns all of us as His riches. And He wishes to purify us, to remove our sins, our impurities. His grace is our sufficiency. All shall be convinced to believe in Christ and thus be saved. We are all the Lord’s savings.

08/18/2023 1:23 PM

Based off this Spongebob meme I made:óns_for_them_to_understand/

Matthew 25:46 NIV “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

Both “eternal” words are translated as Aiōnion. "Aiōnion" merely refers to that which pertains to an age.


One may ask “If punishment is temporary, then does that make life reconciled with God also temporary?”


John 10:28 NIV I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.


Eternal here comes from Aiōnion too. It's that "and..." section that tells us our immortal life reconciled with God is permanent.


Thus all shall have faith alone in Christ to gain permanent salvation. To go to a resurrected life that will never perish, a life that will never be snatched out of the hand of God.


So when my mother yesterday called me delusional, and that my Bible verses will negatively affect the reputation of my boss, and his boss, and my co-workers, I know that all this suffering is Aiōnion, meaning of a temporary duration.


So do not fear spreading the Gospel of Christian Universalism. For what can mere men do against the hand of God?

08/19/2023 10:30 PM

I was sleeping in bed peacefully today Aug 19 2023 then I come out of my room and my mother calls me insane, delusional and a psychopath because I spread my handwritten Bible verses. She wants to exclude me from going out with the family and she says I'm faking being a Christian.


To make sure I don't have any Bible verses on me, she watches me strip and change my clothes. Then after she suddenly pulls the front of my pants, of my underwear with her hand to see my male private parts then the back of my pants of my underwear with her hand to see my butt. I put up my arms and she pats me down. It's like I'm being treated as a criminal just because I am a Christian Universalist.


Luke 22:37 NCV

The Scripture says, 'He was treated like a criminal,' and I tell you this scripture must have its full meaning. It was written about me, and it is happening now.”


Still, I have my Bible verses hidden in my socks, so I go running with my sister with them spreading them in public.


Still, I will not stop announcing this truth. All shall have faith alone in Christ and thus all shall gain permanent salvation. Jesus knew no sin yet He became sin for all of us 2 Corinthians 5:21. Jesus knew no criminality yet He was treated like a criminal for all our sake.

08/20/2023 4:41 PM

I try to reach for a pen to write Bible verses but my mother stops me. She watches me change. "Assisting a prisoner" something like that my mother says as she grabs my arm and walks me upstairs.


Hebrews 13:3 MSB Remember those in prison as if you were bound with them, and those who are mistreated as if you were suffering with them.


I want to go outside to spread the good news of Christ, but because my mother knows I will do this, she does not let me go with my sister. It’s like I’m a prisoner in my own home.


Are not those with sin all in prison, δεσμίων (desmiōn), Strong's 1198? As we all have sin we are all bound, slaves to our sin.


The good news of Christ is one of liberty to all captives. Luke 4:18. Therefore, all people shall be released from their condemnation to death as all shall have faith alone in Christ and be permanently saved. Amen.

08/21/2023 4:42 PM

"Something terrible will happen to you" approx my mother says. "How soon?" approx I say. "I'm not telling you. GET OUT" approx my mother replies with a shout as she closes the door on me.


Yesterday, Aug 20 2023, my mother had held my drivers license in her hand, in my pants were my handwritten UR bible verses that it looks like she wanted to take from me like the others, a standoff.


She tells me I have multiple personalities, that a teacher at my highschool said this. Maybe I vaguely remember this, its fuzzy. I know I'm able to manipulate my character fron suddenly excited to suddenly calm. She reveals to me that I have autism, saying I would repeat things when I was younger. I'm shocked, this is the first I've heard of this.


I type this outside the house, about to walk to my father in the garage for my driving practice.


She the mentions something like how I have OCD, but I think she mixes up the lettering. "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" I reply to her.  She says I will be blacklisted from work because I work with a high ranking person. In the past I think my mother also said I was diagnosed at birth with asthma. And looking through her old browsing history, makes me think I may have Tourette Syndrome too, as I have a facial tic where I feel an urge to open my mouth wide.


Curious, how much suffering is there that remains undiagnosed?


Romans 8:18 AFV For I reckon that the sufferings of the present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us.


No matter how much suffering there is, I rest assured knowing all suffering is temporary. Christian Universalism is my hope, that all shall believe in Christ and all shall be permanently saved. Without it, who knows, perhaps I would have carried out to completion my persistent suicidal ideation? As I have self harmed to the point of bleeding.

08/22/2023 6:05 PM


Today at 6:03 PM

How ironic that Infernalists/Annihlationists limit God's reconciliation based on the length of a mere human lifespan when He is timeless and transcendent.

08/23/2023 10:19 AM

Yesterday, Aug 23 2023. My mother takes my handwritten Bible verses. She removes the papers I hid under my socks, and in my pocket, and a pen too. But I had another pen and ran to a washroom to use the paper towel rolls to write my UR Bible verses on to spread in public.


I return home and my mother thinks I had stolen this pen, but I tell her I brought it with me from inside. Without evidence, both views exist in the realm of possibility.


Exodus 20:15 JPS Tanakh 1917 Thou shalt not steal.


I learned recently that Exodus 20:15 commandment on “stealing” is specifically referring to “manstealing” aka kidnapping, and not necessarily the taking of private property. We see the spiritual forces of evil as the manstealer, as they have taken us away from a relationship with God due to sin.


In order for God to reverse the Exodus 20:15 commandment, all those who were kidnapped into sin, must be permanently freed, the slaves must be definitively liberated, which is only possible by faith alone in Jesus Christ.


For as long as Infernalism and Annihlationism is true, then these stolen people continue to be trapped, either in permanent torture or permanent death. Only through Universal Reconciliation in Christ can all of humanity be rescured from the Manstealer, the Kidnapper, Sin.

08/24/2023 5:42 PM

Yesterday Aug 23 2023 my mother initiated conversation with me with her shouting as I calmly replied with love, as usual. Before, she wanted me to stop writing Bible verses, now she wants me to stop reading the Bible by myself. I ask her if I can still read the Bible at church and she tells me no, that I should leave Bible interpretation to those with high IQ in the church.


1 Cor 3:20 KJB And again, The Lord knoweth the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain.


Even your goal, you cannot make logic anymore. There’s no logic anymore there.” she tells me.


It’s like where is your intelligence now? What happen to your intelligence? It’s taken from the Bible?!” my mother shouts at me, saying this is God’s punishment to me.


You’re throwing words on the Bible to me and just using that as explanation. Where’s your logic? It’s gone. And that, if you don’t have logic, that’s the problem. You’re like a child who did not study at all. You’re just like a child who did not go to school. You have no intelligence, no logic.” my mother says

My mother tells me that I have a smaller brain and she has a bigger brain than me. She states that her IQ is higher than mine and that my IQ is lower, calling me delusional.


Thus, my mom tells me this story. When she was in the Philippines, there was a boy who stopped attending church. She visited his house and he just sitting there, verbally saying Bible verses. She felt goosebumps and this boy was later taken to the mental hospital.


My mother tells me this same goosebump feeling she felt while watching the fictional anime series Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood with my sister and I. She described it as a scene where they were in a cave and I think there was the bad guy. I tell her I don’t remember this scene and she says my memory is deteriorating.


She tells me that she feels these same goosebumps when she sees me. She states that she can see the future and that no one will like me, that I will end up in a mental hospital.


My mother tells me I am going down the drain, like to the darkness, that I will not be successful, that I will end up like, who she rudely calls the “bums on the street”. Those people on the street? They’re my friends, I talk with them about Christianity, and truly I tell you, I feel more kindness from them than from my own mother here! Why do I evangelize? Why do I tell people to believe in Christ to gain permanent life, that all will? It’s for the sake of their smiles. The genuine feeling of happiness I could sense when talking to these people about the Bible. I will not stop promoting Christian Universalism.


I am a Christian Universalist who is LGBTQ+ affirming, and so is my sister, who is a minor. Our mother is an infernalist who is homophobic and transphobic.

Who is lesbian here!?” my mother was shouting at my sister just now today Aug 9 2023 while I was downstairs doing my work from home. Another day of screaming. So, I came upstairs to defend my sister. My mother wants to ban her from all sleepovers because she’s afraid of my sister’s friend who is who is gender fluid. There is nothing inherently sinful with this, nor with being transgender either. I went to Ai-Kon, the anime convention here in Winnipeg, with many of my sisters transgender friends, these are just normal regular people!

She started slamming her hand on the black kitchen table. Screaming. Throwing things down the stairs. She tells me that the reason I’m against her is because she is against my bible stuff. I tell her, simply, because her behavior is not biblical, I am against her “Now you’re both against me? You’re both going the same path. That’s what I can see right now” she shouts, telling us we are wrong and do not have righteousness.

My mother mentions that she wants to be “civil” “civilized” “But no matter how much I tried, I have to stop you, because you guys already formed a bad habit. Unstoppable” Here is her quote, I type as she speaks upstairs: “I’m not going to let anyone to destroy that goal that I established when you guys were small. I’m not going to let anyone, anybody, who will destroy that, that I prepared for you. I worked hard. I worked very hard. To get you [name] to where you are right now. I worked very hard here. [crying] and someone will just, people will just, you don’t know who they are, just… classmate, will destroy you. No way, I’m going to go to her house! No one will destroy that. I’m not gonna let anyone do that. I worked hard for you guys. And I’m not going to give up! If I have to see their parents, I’m gonna go there! I am not afraid! I’ve been through a lot of things already. I’m telling you. I’m not stupid. Do you think I’m stupid and do you think I’m dumb? No, I’m not! [blows nose] Dumb people are just quiet, they let things happen, not me! “

I must be careful. In the past my mother said that she wanted to physically assault my sister who is a minor, so I strictly told her to not do that. We must not commit the sin of violence Psalm 11:5,

But… if my mother in the future were to ever start physically assaulting my sister, what should I do, should I call the police? That’s why I make this post, to seek your advice my friends. Thank you, God bless.

Oh, my mother is shouting at me again, as usual. Though I reply calmy to her, she still screams. Anyways, I'm going out with my family now to an event at the University of Manitoba, so will check back later.


08/25/2023 6:55 PM

"Mental hospital, that's where you belong" my mother tells me, because I spread my handwritten Bible verses.


I was eating cereal at 11:29 PM August 23 around that time when my mother came from downstairs.


I really wanted to sleep early today, I was getting ready around 8:00 PM to go to bed, but my mother shouted at me so I replied to her with kindness. "God bless" I said to my mother as she went downstairs to the basement.


She tells me that she can see where I am going in the near future. I ask her for more details but she says she will not tell me


My mom says that she hopes I am drafted in the military. I tell her I can even spread my Bible verses on the battlefield. "Fool" she calls me. Again today, Aug 25 2023, she tells me of the war, the draft. If I stopped spreading Christian Universalism, maybe I could suffer less, but why do I continue? It is for this reason, to


2 Timothy 2:3 NRSV Share in suffering like a good soldier of Christ Jesus.

We are currently in spiritual warfare, against the forces of evil. A battle we have already been drafted into.


Join me in suffering, Συνκακοπάθησον (Synkakopathēson)

Strong's 4777: To suffer hardships together with. From sun and kakopatheo; to suffer hardship in company with.


We see here that together we suffer. Yet, what about those who suffer for their sins, on Earth or in the Lake of Fire. Did not Christ Jesus enlist us into His army? To share in suffering. Who are we to abandon people to suffer on their own forever? Who is Christ Jesus to abandon one to be destroyed forever?


Because we suffer in hardship together, all of creation, so to must all of creation be reconciled in God together. All shall believe in Christ Jesus to be permanently saved. Only then, will this spiritual warfare cease, only then can we enter true times of peace. God bless.

08/27/2023 6:49 PM

Today, Aug 27 2023, 9:49 AM me the brother, my father, my mother, my younger sister, are going to my dad's church The Meeting Place here in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. It’s been years since we’ve all gone together, as usually it’s just my dad and I.


The past few sermons were not infernalist, but fate decided that this one is. Video recording:


Lead pastor Bob Marsch, who my dad calls “boss” of the church, showed this:


Timestamp 9:21

Matthew 7:13-14 NIV “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.


Few people will believe in Christ to be permanently saved pre-mortem, before they die. Mortem destruction event, the wide broad masses die with sin. The rest of these people believe in Christ to be permanently saved post-mortem.


NOT the Annihlationists permanent destruction!


Paul Walker, Teaching Pastor, recites a person’s question Timestamp 27:00 “I grew up understanding that the path of destruction means hell and the narrow way mean heaven. This caused a lot of anxiety because Jesus said that many enter through the wide gate of destruction, so is Jesus saying that most people are going to hell?"”


Bob Marsch replies stating the wide road “… doesn’t necessarily lead to eternal damnation.” which got my hopes up, only to be utterly crushed by what he said afterwards:



 — 08/27/2023 6:49 PM has leveled up! (8 9)


08/27/2023 6:49 PM

“…your eternal destination is determined by that [belief] choice and Jesus will give you that choice and respect it because it's our choice to make. “


PROBLEM: Bob Marsch correlates “choice” with a singular one-time miss-it-and-its-over sorta deal. Yet, if that were the case, who among us would be saved? What if Jesus gave up on YOU the first time He knocked at your door, asking you to believe in Him. “Sorry you’re a millisecond too late, you’re already dead” since when was DEATH an obstacle too great for even the Almighty LORD to overcome? 1 Corinthians 15:55-57.


Paul Washer, IRONICALLY enough, adds “We have to put a text in context and in this Sermon on the Mount context, Jesus is not talking specifically about after life affairs here, this is about how this is going to show up as discipleship in your life so we should, evangelicals tend to read everything about salvation, because we'd rather put it after our life rather than make a difference" Timestamp 30:07


Oh A-MEN. Absolutely BASED. I’ve talked with Paul Washer face-to-face, God bless him!


Still, I was definitely pissed off by the eternal damnation promotion. Told my mom, sister, dad, that it’s false. Then in protest, grabbed paper towel rolls and with my pen wrote "eternal damnation is FALSE" on them with UR info and spread them in this church.


Then, I directly confronted Bob Marsch in gentleness and asked if he believes in Eternal Conscious Torment, Annihilationism and Chrisian Universalism.


Surprisingly, he replies that he is not sure. He tells me he struggles with reconciliation because of his belief in free will. Thus, I quote another verse that was showed in this same sermon today Timestamp 18:20.

1 Timothy 2:3 NIV This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4 who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. 5 For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus


Even if free will exists, how can a created human’s free will overrule the will of the Almighty God?


I’m still pissed at this infernalism message because my sister’s already been emotionally abused enough by her mother, I don’t want her suffering anymore because of the false doctrine of Eternal Conscious Torture! A shame, that the first time she comes to church in many years and this is the message she sees.

08/28/2023 4:36 PM

My mother calls me a danger to society because I spread my handwritten Bible verses in public, that the police could already be monitoring me online and that I may be talking to criminals online. She calls me the r word. She says that drug dealers could use my Bible verse papers to distribute drugs and that I will be framed. She tells me this is God’s punishment to me and that something terrible will happen to me in the near future.


1 Corinthians 15:30 NRSV And why are we putting ourselves in danger every hour?



with “danger” referring to κινδυνεύομεν (kindyneuomen) Strong's 2793: To be in danger or peril. From kindunos; to undergo peril.


1 Cor 15:32 elaborates their motivation as the dead being raised. We can apply this to Christian Universalism, where our motivation is the resurrection of all. Imagine one with an atheist friend, who tries their whole life to convince the person to believe in Christ to be permanently saved. If this atheist is not resurrected, then this one’s efforts are in vain. Thus, all must be reconciled with God in order to justify any danger we as believers in Christ put ourselves through.


My mother tells me to stop reading the Bible by myself. She wants me to stop communicating with people online about the Bible. I tell her that I will not stop spreading my handwritten Bible verses in public. If the police are going raid my house and see what is on my computer, then as I tell my mom, let them see! My mother says this is disgusting, but the way I see it, if anything fake is planted, God will know. My mother has told me to protect my reputation, but if someone is going to ruin it just because I’m a Christian, then so be it.

08/29/2023 6:58 PM

On Roblox today Aug 29 2023, I am called an “AI”. I’m seen as a bot online, alright? Yet, today as well my mother tells me that I am a robot who has no emotions no rationality in real life.


She says my behavior now and as a child are symptoms of autism. I lined up toys. I ran around in circles without getting dizzy. I did not speak for the first 3 years of my life, yet my sister spoke 3 months after she was born. My mother’s relative wanted to take me to the Philippines to cut off the bottom part of my tongue, luckily, my mom refused.


Thus, let me speak as a human here with my tongue still intact, let us examine the “tongue”


James 3:6 ESV And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.



The English Standard Version mistranslates γεέννης (geennēs) as Hell, which is the valley of Hinnom, Gehenna, of Jersualem.


is itself set on fire

φλογιζομένη (phlogizomenē)

Strong's 5394: To inflame, fire with passion, set on fire, burn up. From phlox; to cause a blaze, i.e. Ignite.

This verse is the only instance of this word phlogizó (φλογίζω) from NG5395.


To inflame means that flame was not burning before. To set on fire, means it was not on fire before. To cause a blaze means it had an action took place at a time to start the blaze. To ignite means that it was not ignited before.


In all those instances, the fire has been set at a specific date. Tell me, what is “eternal”? It is that which has neither beginning nor end. Thus, because the burning of Gehenna has a start, it literally cannot be eternal nor last forever!


There’s also “to burn up” meaning the burning has finished, the impurities, sin have been removed. Whose sin shall be removed? All who have faith alone in Jesus Christ, and thus all people will and all shall be permanently saved. An end to Gehenna, or how the ESV puts it, an end to hell.

08/30/2023 11:31 PM

Yesterday, Aug 29 2023, I had two in-person meetings with my two Dr. bosses. They had urged me to apply for master’s degree programs around Canada before. However, they were speaking to me about how they are aware, like of my “unique” family situation that I described to them, which is a limitation.


It reminds me of a business symposium I attended a few months ago with many Ph.Ds and Ph.D. students, where they had mistaken me for one of them due to the way I spoke. Perhaps, if things were different, I could write an academic paper and get it published, or obtain a doctorate degree. However, I must not abandon my sister who is a minor with my emotionally-abusive mother and my family-absent father.


Still… it feels… taunting, you know? To have my hand forced in a way to abandon those pursuits. My mother today tells me that she can see the future and asks if that makes me feel jealous. Maybe she already knew this would happen in advance, that I would abandon the education that would need me to move out-of-province. But who can be truly abandoned when the LORD knows every event that will happen in advance?


Nehemiah 9:28 NOG As soon as they felt some relief, they were again doing what you considered evil. You abandoned them to their enemies, who conquered them. They cried to you again, and you heard them from heaven. You rescued them many times because of your compassion.

So You abandoned them וַתַּֽעַזְבֵ֞ם (wat·ta·‘az·ḇêm) Strong's 5800: To loosen, relinquish, permit

We see that God also permits evil, such as permitting Satan to do harm to Job. Job 1:6-22. Thus, permission of evil and abandonment from good are one in the same.


Further, if God abandons anyone from that which is good, then God gives permission for that person to be affected by evil. Therefore, if God abandons anyone from that which is good forever, then God gives permission for that person to be affected by evil forever.


This “forever abandonment” exists in the forms of infernalism, forever abandonment from good through torture and annilhationism, forever abandonment from good through destruction. Yet, because these people are forever abandoned from good, God is in essence allowing that person to be affected by evil forever. Therefore, God is literally giving permission for evil to exist in a forever state.


The only way for a person to be made permanently clean of all of their evil is through the sacrifice of Christ, to have faith alone in His precious blood. As long as there are those who remain unwashed by His blood, evil will continue to exist forever. Therefore, Christian Universalism exists as the only path to a world where no evil exists, where only good prevails forever.

08/31/2023 10:55 PM

"We'll kind of see what the hand of destiny picks for you" my Dr. boss tells me on the phone today Aug 31 2023 "Sometimes life is nice it makes the decisions for you... it can be disappointing...". The wind starts picking up.


"When life decides things for you, it can be disappointing, but it can also make things easy for you. I'm in the middle of a wind storm so there's only so much I can do." my Dr. boss replies, his voice cutting out on the phone. He knows of my unique family situation. He tells me that I see him as an academic father figure, which is true. If I make a mistake, he's more forgiving than others. He says I was better than most Ph.D people at a business symposium both of us attended. Yet, I still feel like… Imposter Syndrome. He says I'm like his baby, so I'm like his son.


I've experienced the cruelty of this "hand of destiny" many times. It’s like cheruphobia I guess, where I worry when times are good, as per the theory of Murphy's Law, who knows when something bad will happen, that will make the good times feel oh so taunting?

Ephesians 1:11 Amplified Bible In Him also we have received an inheritance [a destiny—we were claimed by God as His own], having been predestined (chosen, appointed beforehand) according to the purpose of Him who works everything in agreement with the counsel and design of His will

having been predestined

προορισθέντες (prooristhentes)

Strong's 4309: To foreordain, predetermine, mark out beforehand. From pro and horizo; to limit in advance, i.e. predetermine.


Thus, all people have been predestined, foreordained, marked out in advance to be permanently reconciled with God.

It is all of our destiny to believe in Christ Jesus and thus to go to Heaven.


"The answer will come to you in time" my Dr. boss tells me. How much time? That's just the way it is. My boss tells me that at 20 years old it frustrated him; he wanted a guaranteed answer. At 22 years old, it frustrates me too, asking my mother, who has accurately predicted the future before, what troubles await me, but getting no answer. That too is taunting, for her to know my predestined fate, yet refuse to tell me… yet perhaps that too is predestined.


Today, my mother declared that I will be remembered in history and that my work will be recorded in books. Whether this is in a good or bad sense, I’m not sure. But it looks like whatever future awaits me, it’s sure to be memorable. So, join me, as my life is once again renewed to another season of suffering.

09/02/2023 11:49 PM

My mother tells me that when she lived in the Philippines she would go to the dirty bathroom with candle and pail at night. Her downstairs would get flooded with dirty water.


I rebuke the evil infernalistic Iglesia Ni Cristo, which she was a former member of, for demanding so much money from those who are already trapped so deeply in poverty! What could they afford? Peanut butter bought per scoop; she tells me.


My mother says she would be scared of the sound of someone walking. It seems these noises may trigger traumatic memories because of all the rats that would crawl around the floor of her house.


1 Peter 5:7 ISV Throw all your worry on him, because he cares for you.



So, whenever my mother abuses my sister and I, whenever she tries to stop me from spreading my Christian Universalist Bible verses, that all shall have faith alone in Christ to gain permanent life, I see her throwing, projecting, her worries on to me. I forgive her, and still see her as a dear friend, so I will gladly take the role of a suffering sponge. How much more, will Jesus absorb the suffering, the trauma, of the whole world? Because he cares for all of us.

09/04/2023 1:12 AM

This morning Sept 4 2023 my mother tells me of a dream that she had a month ago that accurately predicted the reveal of twins from our cousin’s family.


She then tells me that if I do not stop spreading my Bible verses, that I can lose my job and that I will be blacklisted. She shows me the happy times I can have with them, the family. Yet, I continue.


This site tells us there have at least been over 1,009,337 twins that have existed.


There’s an infernalist teaching that says that God tortures people in Hell forever and erases the person’s existence from the minds of those in Heaven. What? So they don’t feel bad?


But what if this was a person’s twin who was being tormented endlessly? Why would God erase that memory? Is it not God’s plan, who is born?

Genesis 38:27 NRSV When the time of her delivery came, there were twins in her womb.


Why eternally separate twins תְאוֹמִ֖ים (ṯə·’ō·w·mîm) Strong's 8380: family members from each other?


Many with compassion, empathy and emotion would not separate family members forever. Yet, are we not all in the same family tree as Adam, the Original Sinner? Does God, our Father, pick favorites to the extent of casting brothers or sisters into unending flames, just because one decided to randomly believe in Christ to be permanently saved before the other?


My friends, my… family members from an Adamic perspective, truly I say to you, if God does not save even a single person in our family tree, than He has utterly failed. How can any family be happy when even one among them is lost forever? Therefore, all people must be universally reconciled with God.

09/04/2023 3:24 PM

Yesterday afternoon, Sept 4 2023, I was going to change the password for my Discord account, but found my passwords Word Document suddenly deleted yesterday. The only recovered version I’ve found is one from 3 years ago. My mother tells me this is “bad luck”. Yet, I have a sneaking suspicion that maybe my mother possibly may have deleted it herself? Again, a subjective theory. But because I post these Daily Christian Universalism Quotes on Discord and she tells me to stop and actively tries to stop me, I think it’s possible.


For me, I obviously want to recover that lost file I created, just like how God wants to recover all of His creation.


Luke 19:10 YLT for the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.'



But we see that being “lost” is more than just physically seeing something. Let’s say I do find my lost file, but realize all the data is corrupted. Am I like an infernalist, who keeps scrambling the data of the file forever? Am I like an annihilationist, who permanently destroys the file? Sin is corruption. Therefore, it’s God’s desire to wash away all our sin, to have all people believe in Christ, His precious blood, to make us permanently clean. All Christian Universalism does is apply that notion to every single person.

09/04/2023 8:22 PM

There is no happy place” my mother says, in reference to our home. Today Sept 4 2023 Monday around 1:50 PM my mother speaks to me while crying. She says “they” will want me to have a criminal record. Based on past conversation, I assume via fake planted “evidence”. Who are they? She tells me there can be an investigator in a Discord server I am in. Still, my mother is the type that has tried to promote infighting between my sister and I, so she may also be trying to fan the flames of drama here too, which I must watch out for.


Romans 12:18 NHEB If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all people.


Though our lives may be dramatic now, we see from scripture that it’s desirable to live peacefully εἰρηνεύοντες (eirēneuontes) with all. πάντων (pantōn)


It’s part of God’s plan for me to suffer in this way. That’s why I was crying today. My sister tells me she was crying too because of the suffering from our mother. So this drama is “not up to me”, but if this was up to me, I would prefer peace. Yet, we see that everything in life is up to God. So ultimately, because God desires to be at peace with all people, everyone will eventually have faith alone in Christ to gain permanent salvation, which is universal reconciliation.

09/05/2023 6:20 PM

Two people show up, asking me the time; I answer. Today is Sept 5 2023 Monday 12:44 PM when a young child on a rainbow scooter appears behind me and asks "What are you doing?" "Spreading the good news.” I reply, describing that I'm putting a Bible verse up, reusing old staples from the wooden pole.


Thus, I bless this child through the LORD. Blessed are those who ask, for they shall receive an answer. Luke 11:9-3


While typing these words on my phone, a person wearing red horns speaks to me so we talk. They ask me how they look so I compliment their outfit. Blessed are those who do not judge merely on physical appearance, for they shall not be judged. John 7:24. Luke 6:37.


The blue pen I used to write these Christian Universalism Gospel messages today, that I returned just now, I borrowed from a person today. Thus, I share in the blessings of the LORD's soulwinning to them. Blessed are those who lend without expecting anything in return, for they shall be rewarded. Luke 6:35.


Proverbs 3:13 NASB Blessed is a person who finds wisdom, And one who obtains understanding.



They were all strangers to me. Yet, what's stranger is thinking that any of these people, or any people, would be permanently lost. All shall be permanently saved as all shall believe in Christ.

09/06/2023 10:59 PM

I type this while standing in line, Sept 6 2023 11:31 AM Wednesday. Few days ago, my sister spoke to me about the UR Bible verses I write regularly, saying a lot of my life has been suffering. Seems she feels bad. So she suggested I make them more "cute". Guess in her mind, might be scary to constantly discussing suffering. Alright then...


ohayou!!!!111 (´。• ω`) ohhhhh???? uwu.


Philippians 4:4 Tyndale Bible of 1526

Reioyce in the Lorde alwaye and agayne I saye reioyce.



():・゚yas mye friendss! reioyce ALWAY!!!!!. ( ^ ω ^) Liek that. top unyu~


whooo will be sayved?? ALL PEEPULL!!!(><)


Honestly, Early Modern Bible Translations are pretty cute ngl. What wasn't cute in this time period was when in 1552 England, Protestants drew up their Forty-two Articles of Religion which condemned Universalism. Then around 1562, in a revision, their article condemning Universalism was omitted.


What changed here? Was it the spiritual meaning of the Bible? Or more likely, was it people's understanding of the Bible? You see, even before the 1500s, Christian Univeralism was the prevailing doctrine. It was the Early Christian's reason to rejoice!



χαίρετε (chairete)

Strong's 5463: to be 'cheer'ful, i.e. Calmly happy or well-off;


How then can those being tortured or destroyed forever be well-off? How can they rejoice? Again, infernalism and annihlationism, not very cute ngl.


(Sidenote: I literally used many kaomoji years ago when messaging my call center work friends in official work chats on my company account XD )

09/07/2023 4:33 PM

I was putting up a UR Bible verse and suddenly a man appeared. He looked around 30 to 40 years old, so he was at least older than me. He spoke to me, but I told him I could not hear him, since I was listening to music from my earpiece. So, I stopped it.


I said something like "Way I see it, no loving God's gonna torture people forever. Everyone's gonna believe in Him". [Him being Jesus Christ]. I thought he would debate me like the Infernalists would, but he looked calm and peaceably happy. It seems like he agreed with what I said.


Psalm 77:7 NLT Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will he never again be kind to me?


I told him of the Bible verses I put on the poles in line behind me. For this wooden pole, like others, I reused old staples and put one on top, another at the bottom, as he held out his hand on the vertical paper to hold it still. I thought this was good, but he then told me to place a third to keep the wind from blowing it away, so I put it around the middle.

He then told me the exact street name of the address of my physical family home without me asking. This surprised me, because I was a distance away from that street! How did he know this? Even more interestingly, he talked to me in a way where I felt like he already knew who I was. But I physically did not recognize him from my past.


There was also something about the government, perhaps a reference to my job related to the Government of Canada that I worked in. It was hard to hear everything he said.


But I do remember him telling me that I can photocopy my handwritten Bible verses for free at a location that was, coincidentally, physically close to my home. It's like he could read my mind in a sense, because I have been praying to God for help in spreading Christian Universalism. So, while talking to him, I typed out the location on the Notes app of my IPhone.


Thus, I gave my farewell, and after walking a bit, I turned around and behold, this man had vanished without a trace. Literally, I type this looking behind me, it's like he teleported away somehow. It's around 11:59 AM Thursday Sept 7 2023 Thursday.


For some particular reason, I feel blessed by this encounter. Therefore, I type it out fully 12:51 PM. Feels like tears are forming in my eyes as I think about this encounter. Therefore, I think everything's gonna be alright.

09/08/2023 10:17 PM

When looking for my passwords file, a few days ago my mother said she made a backup of it and that she did not tell me before as a test. She wanted me to stop writing Bible verse.


Well, my passwords file is still missing. The backup my mother made was only a small portion, still I'm grateful and still I write Bible verses. She told me she did not delete my password file. Yet somehow, it seems I convinced my mother to write many Bible verses and this is what she wrote on a bright yellow sticky note



Protect me as you would your very eyes; hide me in the shadow of your wings


"your very eyes" in other versions is translated "as the apple + of Your eye"

Strong's 380 + Strong's 5869

כְּאִישׁ֣וֹן +


(kə·’î·šō·wn) + (‘ā·yin)


with the same "as the apple" word and Strong 's pattern used in Deuteronomy 32:10


"as the apple" + "of His eye"

Strong's 380 + Strong's 5869

כְּאִישׁ֥וֹן +


(kə·’î·šō·wn) + (‘ê·nōw)


The expression is also used in Proverbs 7:2, Lamentations 2:18 and Zechariah 2:8

"Apple of my eye" is an English idiom, biblically it's probably just "dark part of the eye", the pupil.


So, we see that whatever the LORD protects, He keeps His eyes on. He stares at them directly, with His pupils.


Strong's 5869 here is "The eyes"

The eyes

עֵינֵ֣י (‘ê·nê)

of the LORD


Proverbs 15:3 ERV The eyes of the LORD are in every place, keeping watch upon the evil and the good.


Whether on Earth or in Sheol/Hades/Gehenna/Tartarus/LakeOfFire the LORD is always watching. Yet we see that wherever the LORD looks, His gaze is one of protection, of love! 1 John 4:7-8.


Does God just turn His gaze from people and cast them off forever? Never! Because the LORD sees everyone's future reconciled state with Him. Our present sufferings? Just backstory compared to the glory of paradise. Romans 8:18.


So who will become good? All who are evil shall be made clean by the blood of LORD Christ. All shall have faith alone in LORD Jesus to be permanently saved.


Guess I will keep looking with my eyes for my passwords file then.

09/09/2023 5:17 PM

Today, around 12:30 PM, my sister and I were sitting on the front steps of our house after our run and she told me how hellish it must be to be our mother, who is an infernalist.


My mother is one of my closest friends and despite both of us experiencing her emotional abuse for years, her shouting, screaming, baseless insulting, mental quarreling, unnecessary wrath. How much pain is our mother in? Who was physically abused by her father.

Psalm 103:8 BST The Lord is compassionate and pitiful, long-suffering, and full of mercy.


How can she recover from her trauma from her youth, growing up in poverty from the Philippines then immigrating to Canada, if she’s still trapped in the mental cage of belief in Eternal Conscious Torment? “This is torture” my mother says. That horrible viewpoint taught by the murderous Iglesia Ni Cristo. In her mind, does any aggression become justified if it means keeping a person from the endless flames?


Maybe that’s why she’s used the threat of hell to justify her decisions. But why do people use threats? It is because they themselves find it threatening. So how threatening does my mother perceive this eternal hell? It grieves my heart imagining the suffering my own mother might be feeling.


My sister and I are both Christian Universalists, the truth that all shall believe in Christ and that all shall be saved. Finally… an end to this cruel cycle of violence.

09/10/2023 6:49 PM

My homophobic, transphobic, infernalist mother argues with my sister, who is an LGBTQ+ Affirming Christian Universalist as I am, thus I debate to defend.


My mother makes reference to these verses

Genesis 2:7 NRSVUE then the LORD God formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

Genesis 2:22 NRSVUE And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.


Just because God created a biological man and a biological woman does not mean that being transgender is sinful. Guess what, the computer I’m typing this on was not mentioned in the Garden of Eden, yet it’s not sinful either!


Genesis 4:1 NRSVUE Now the man knew his wife Eve, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have produced a man with the help of the LORD.”

How do we know that Adam and Eve were purely heterosexual and not homosexual? Sure, they had heterosexual sexual intercourse, but what if they were bisexual in the way where they were both sexually attracted to men and women? But it was only them so they chose each other? You can’t deny that as a possibility. Bisexuality, homosexuality, heterosexuality, none of these sexual orientations are inherently sinful.


You see, a problem Infernalists make is that they assume there’s Bible verses that support their arguments, but they really don’t. Universalism wise, we see that God created Adam with the prime directive of having all of us as his descendants. Yet Adam sinned, so have all of us too.

1 Corinthians 15:22 NRSV for as all die in Adam, so all will be made alive in Christ.

Because we all have sin, meaning death, Christ must save all of us, because God was the one who made Adam sexually reproduce to have all of us as his offspring! All descendants of Adam shall believe in Christ and shall thus be saved.

09/11/2023 11:02 PM

Today Sept 11 2023 Monday before 5:45 PM I was spreading my handwritten Bible verses, but not just mine, also my mothers. Yes, my same mother who was actively stopping me from spreading my handwritten Bible verses before, taking them away from me, has now begun to assist me, giving them to me. Thus, she wrote on a yellow sticky note this verse:


 [1] Corinthians 16:14 [ESV] Let all that you do be done in love.



As we Christian Universalists are already familiar with, everything

πάντα (panta) Strong's 3956 means ALL = ALL. With what sort of love? ἀγάπῃ (agapē) Strong's 26 love. This is the same fatherly love that the LORD God has to all of us.


Therefore, everything panta God does must be done in love, which includes agapē correction.


Proverbs 3:12 AMPC

For whom the Lord loves He corrects, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.


But can a person be punished forever in a loving way? No! Because all punishment is for correction, which requires an end state where one is corrected. As long as a person is punished, they are thus incorrect.


Therefore, all people must eventually be reconciled with God through faith alone in Christ in order to be reach a permanently corrected state. And thus all of creation shall be born again, amen.

09/12/2023 2:39 PM

Around 11:49 AM today Sept 12 2023 an older stranger with white facial hair and a leg brace spoke with me on the bus. Despite their pain, they're still able to walk.


We converse. They tell me they don't give up and I reply saying there's a lot of people who are still alive who have already given up unfortunately. But does the LORD give up on anyone, whether living or dead?


Romans 8:39 KJB Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.


If a person is literally unable to believe in Christ to be saved after death, like some Infernalists/Annihlationists may posit, then the depth of the pit of Sheol, of death, has separated us from the love of God. But as we Christian Universalists know, the love of God, God’s desire, is to have everyone be saved. He never gives up!

09/13/2023 11:06 AM

Around 12:23 PM, a person at the counter gave me a white binder, so for the date column I wrote "Sept 12" [2023] and for the name column "Harold Samson" while another made photocopies of my handwritten UR Bible verses. I was told from a mysterious stranger to go to this location, the one who suddenly disappeared when I turned around. These printed versions will prove useful.


Because with these UR Bible verses that I distribute, I only have so much time to write and to run around spreading them. At the same time, so do people have a limited amount of time to have faith alone in Christ to be saved. Me knowing this stuff comes down purely to luck, chance. What if I were born in a culture where Christianity is not that well known? Or what if I lived a shorter lifespan than others? Where’s the justice in that?


Isaiah 61:8 NASB1995 For I, the LORD, love justice


Imagine if you went to a court room to defend yourself, but you’re poor and were given 1 minute and the other people were given 1 year and were rich enough to be able to study law.


The cruelty with eternal conscious torment comes in its unfairness, as not everyone has the same level of privilege and opportunity to be able to learn about Christianity in the first place! Regardless of the limited amount of time a person is given in life, if they aren’t saved, then what “Oops too late?” Infernalism/annilhationism posits that God can somehow run out of time. But does not Christ want us to learn about Him? Does not Christ want to teach everyone about Him?

09/14/2023 4:40 PM

Yesterday, Sept 13 2023 Wednesday, my mother saw me writing my UR Bible verses. She tells me if I don’t stop, my autism will get worse. And that I should get like a whiteboard and write on there and wipe it over and over again. The problem with that is, well obviously, I write my Christian Universalism Gospel messages with the purpose of spreading them in public. That Christ was killed, buried, risen to pay for all our sins.

 Exodus 4:11 NAB The LORD said to him: Who gives one person speech? Who makes another mute or deaf, seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?



The only reason I am able to write these UR Bible verses is because of the LORD. Just like how the LORD did not make me completely physically blind when seeing these verses, so too does the LORD choose who to give spiritual blindness too, which is Infernalism/Annihlationism, and who to send out to preach Christian Universalism. This is shown in the immediate next verse:

 Exodus 4:12 NAB Now go, I will assist you in speaking and teach you what you are to say.



If Infernalism is true, then what of the one given a spiritual deafness where they are unable to hear the good news of Christ? Why does the LORD give them that disadvantage? It’s cruel to imagine that God created a person specifically to have them be tortured forever. Because faith comes from hearing. Romans 10:17. So we see that, though a person is permanently saved by faith alone in Christ, that ultimately, it’s up to God when a person truly believes in Christ. But just because people are not saved before death, does not mean that they are permanently lost. Indeed, the LORD God will not blind, nor deafen, nor mute forever in Sheol, the realm of the dead. For all shall be made alive and be given

 Proverbs 20:12 NAB The ear that hears, the eye that sees— the LORD has made them both.

09/16/2023 12:15 AM

Today, around Sept 15 2023 Friday 11:29 AM my mother shows that she's been writing Bible verses because she wants me to stop writing Bible verses.


That's the trick. From what I've seen, my Bible Verse Writing rate is currently higher than hers. So from a purely numerical standpoint, the overall Bible Verse output would decrease if only she wrote them. I'm worried that trick is that she may slowly write less and less until she writes none at all.


Furthermore, while I am incredibly grateful to have her write her Bible verses, she does not regularly include a Gospel message like what I write with Christian Universalism : "Believe in LORD Christ to gain permanent salvation, all people will. LORD Jesus was killed, buried and bodily resurrected 3 days later to pay for all our sin"


She says I can end up spending $9,000 dollars on paper. Look, I'm just using regular paper here. If it ever gets to that ridiculous point, that's probably a long ways off.


Hebrews 13:5 NHEB Be free from the love of money, content with such things as you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you or forsake you."


Infernalism posits that God leaves ἀνῶ (anō) someone in “hell”, the Lake of Fire, forever. This contradicts scripture.

Annihlationism posits that God forsakes ἐγκαταλίπω (enkatalipō) someone to permanent destruction forever. This contradicts scripture.

Thus, only through Christian Universalism does this scripture make sense.

09/16/2023 3:42 PM

I hear my mother getting upset at my younger sister so I go upstairs to defend. “I want my kids to be straight” like my mother says today Saturday Sept 16 2023 around 1:51 PM “What if your kids are not straight?” like I reply.  Sexuality is a spectrum. I tell her I see no problem educating people about their sexuality, because people are born with it, not everyone has the ability to choose this.


She tells me people could be confused, so I reply saying like “If they are confused, is that not all the more reason to educate them about LGBTQ+ matters?”


We speak of this because my father was reading the newspaper and saw an article describing what looked like an anti-LGBTQ+ protest. “LGBTQ, like what, barbeque?” like she said. She is queerphobic and tells me she wants her kids to be “normal” which is a subjective perception of normality that comes from the viewpoint of heteronormative societies. As one who is LGBTQ+ affirming, here is the truth, gay people have existed, exist, and will continue to exist regardless of how much people try to make them “straight”.


As I was typing this, my mother comes down screaming at me and angrily waving, saying I should not ask for advice from people online about this matter and that I should leave things to stay in the house. Thus, I pull up this Bible verse:


Proverbs 15:22 NRSV Without counsel, plans go wrong, but with many advisers they succeed.



She argues, saying that it needs to be an “official counsel”, but what is officiality? As written in Hebrew, is not a counsel, a ס֑וֹד (sō·wḏ), merely defined as Strong's 5475: A session, company of persons, which can exist online as well?


Why are kids crazy these days. They’re really not thinking right. Lack of education. I think their education that’s the thing. Their education is not enough. They have to keep going to school for as long as they should. Until their minds are set. That’s the thing with people these days.“ my mother rambles to herself because she is homophobic and transphobic and queerphobic.


Therefore, I am grateful for the Christian Universalist spaces online, for their counsel and advisers. Unfortunately, not all Christian Universalists are LGBTQ+ affirming, which I find to be a great shame. Therefore, I make this post as both, support to those who are in the LGBTQ+ community, and as well, as a rebuke to those who are homophobic/transphobic/queerphobic.


My mother says that I should not discuss religion online and that I should talk about things that are educational, but talking about religion, studying it, is literally educational. I am against my mother for trying to stop me from talking to my friends about Christianity online.

09/17/2023 8:19 PM

Sept 17 2023 this morning my mom was being emotionally abusive to my sister, who is a minor, once again. My sister reveals that her mother threatened to physically assault her. I am against our mother’s homophobia and infernalism.


At the Meeting Place church in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, my sister wanted to go upstairs away from my mother who remained on the ground floor, so I followed my sister. There we were, both Christian Universalists, sitting beside each other, with our father sitting to the right. You know you’ve seriously messed up when even your own daughter doesn’t want to sit beside you at church.


Honestly, this was one of the most based Christian sermons I ever attended. The pastor talked about his gamer friends, then the movie Frozen, started singing Let It Go, says Elsa's girlbossing, promotes predestination and Christian universalism (not by name, but subtly by concept) with Bible verses, and ends the sermon with Holy Communion.


Ephesians 1:11 In Him we also have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things in accordance with the plan of His will,



Before we ate and drank, my sister decided she wanted to be with her mother. So, we went downstairs to be with her. It was a touching moment. Today is definitely up there amongst the most memorable predetermined events I’ve experienced.


And after, my mother and I agree that God has planned out events in advance, even this one predetermined, in my mind, every event in advance. Thus, I forgive my mother. Our mother’s emotionally abusive actions stem from trauma of being physically abused by her father in the past. How could she have controlled the poverty she grew up in in the Philippines? The infernalist Iglesia Ni Cristo cult she was raised in?

09/19/2023 12:26 AM

Around 9:42 PM Sept 16 2023 Saturday, my mother told me that she wants to be remembered for her strictness. She says, as her own daughter went away from her and did not want to talk with her. My sister, who has told me she does not even want to call her her mother and wants to refer to her as her first name instead.


My mother is also an infernalist, does she also want to be remembered for promoting the idea of people burning in hell forever? Will that also be part of her legacy?


Let’s say Infernalists are right, that God really does torture people forever. Where’s the victory in that? Like, what? “Woohoo people are suffering in agony permanently, sin will continue to exist indefinitely, evil will infinitely exist!”.


Psalm 78:4 CEV and we will tell them to the next generation. We won't keep secret the glorious deeds and the mighty miracles of the LORD.



Even though Christian Universalism is indeed true, I would rather by a Christian Universalist and be wrong then be a Christian Infernalist and be right. Because if Christian Universalism is not true, then the “god” of a ECT is an utter failure who’s legacy will be remembered as the god who permitted the existence of wickedness without cleansing. Because Christian Universalism is indeed true, all people must be made clean of their wickedness permanently by faith alone in God, Christ Jesus. Who suffered in agony on the cross, was killed, buried and resurrected in order to eliminate the existence of all sin and evil. Now that is a legacy that I want to be remembered supporting.

09/19/2023 8:00 PM

I tend to use “Infernalism/Infernalist” to describe those who believe in Eternal Conscious Torture and “Annilhationism/Annihlationists” to describe those who believe in Eternal Destruction. But I wish there was a word to describe both those views, well better yet, essentially an umbrella term for any “Contra-Universalism/Contra-Universalist” aka “Anti-Universalism/Anti-Universalist”


I thought “Infernannihlationism/Infernannihlationist” or “Anninfernalism/Anninferalist” but, not only is that really annoying to spell, but it makes it seem like they hold both views at once even though they’re mutually exclusive.


ECT/ED sort of works, but I think more people are familiar with the “ECT” acronym then “ED”. Plus, their could be other anti-universalist views besides these two.


Since Christian Universalism is all about Universal Salvation, I though an antonym like “Restrictivist”. Like Universal Reconciliationist vs Restrictive Reconciliationist dichotomy. But that terms is already used in the whole “Inclusivist vs Exclusivist” debate.


Acts 4:12 Anderson New Testament

And there is salvation in no other; nor, indeed, is there another name under heaven, given among men, by which we must be saved.


My side to that debate is that I’m a Christian Universalist Exclusivist, so I believe that a person must believe in Jesus Christ to be saved.

With the term “Christian Universalism” unfortunately people mix it up with the false view of “There are multiple ways to God without Christ”, but my friends, the truth is that Jesus is the only way to God. That’s my Christian Universalist Restrictivist view. Belief in Christ is an inherent restriction and as long as a person does not believe in Christ they will never be saved. But eventually, everyone will believe in Christ!


Thus, I say that Restricivism aka Exclusivism is inherent to truthful Christian Universalism anyways, meaning people need Christ for salvation. Hence why it’s called “Christian” Universalism, you know?


Anyways, I guess I’ll just keep calling them Christian Infernalists and Christian Annihlationists. God bless all to you all, my siblings in Christ.


Start quote A major division between Universalists is on whether there will be torment after death before ultimate salvation. Restorationists believe there will be a time of suffering after death while Ultra-Universalists believe there is no suffering after death. Ultra-Universalists (also called Modern Universalists) believe that all will be saved with no punishment. end quote.

I’m against GotQuestion’s infernalism/queerphobia/etc, from the screenshot above, they used to have the term “Restorationist” but now they don’t feature it. I can’t find this captured by the Wayback Machine, but was saved on the Christian Universalists Discord server.*/


ism = belief

ist = ism believer


Omega: Strong’s 5589 Ὦ (Ō): finality

Ultra = extreme religious opinion

Hyper Strong’s 5228 ὑπέρ (hoop-er'): over, beyond

In my head, I synonymously associated “hyper-universalist” with “ultra-universalist” similar to what saintchalupa did on 05/01/2022 8:27 PM

Personally, I am not an Ultra-Universalist. I believe in the existence of temporary punishment after death, so you can call me a Christian Universalist Restorationist.


Rev 20:15 WNT And if any one's name was not found recorded in the Book of Life he was thrown into the Lake of fire.


My view of the Lake of Fire, the τὴν λίμνην πυρός aka (tēn) (limnēn) (pyros) is it’s punishmental effects are temporary for as long as a person remains unsaved, for as long as a person has yet to believe in Christ to be saved.


Here are the terms I collected relating to the “Universalverse”


✝️ Universalism / Universalist -> U = All will be saved

μ ✝️ Ultra Universalism / Ultra Christian Universalist = UU + No Afterlife Punishment

μ ✝️ ♻️Universalism Restorationism / Universalist Restorationist = UR + Yes Afterlife Punishment

† ✝️Christian Universalism / Christian Universalist -> CU = All will believe in Christ and be saved

μ ✝️ Ultra Christian Universalism / Ultra Christian Universalist = UCU + No Afterlife Punishment

† ✝️ ♻️ Christian Universalism Restorationism / Christian Universalist Restorationist = CUR + Yes Temporary Afterlife Punishment

The Universalverse = U + UU + UR + CU + UCU + CUR

I say “temporary” because the belief in permanent afterlife punishment excludes one from being a Universalist. Permanent in effect of destruction: Annilhationism. Permanent in effect of torture: Infernalism.

[Circle with cross pre-established by CUA and CU Discord. Blue.]

[I searched “ultra” on Duckduckgo and this page showed up:μ Idk, looks like the letter u I guess]

[I used “recycle” emoji since it has the “re” prefix like “restoration”


If you’re confused by these terms, get ready, because I have created an “Omegaverse: OCA, OCI”

☢️ Annilhationism / Annihlationist -> A = People will be permanently destroyed.

†☢️Christian Annilhationism / Christian Annihlationist -> CA = People will be permanently destroyed by Christ.

Ω ☢️Omega Annilhationism / Omega Annihlationists -> OA = All will be permanently destroyed

Ω †☢️ Omega Christian Annilhationism / Omega Christian Annihilationist -> OCA = All will be permanently destroyed by Christ

☢️🌌 The Annilhationverse = A, CA, OA, OCA

[Nuclear emoji used in reference to nuclear annihilation.

Based off scientific Annihilation findings by Large Hadron Collider from the European Organization for Nuclear Research

Yellow pre-established today Sept 20 2023 in CU Discord.]


🔥 Infernalism / Infernalist -> I = People will be tormented forever.

† 🔥 Christian Infernalism / Christian Infernalist -> CI = People will torment forever by Christ.

Ω 🔥 Omega Infernalism / Omega Infernalist -> OI = All will be tormented forever.

Ω † 🔥 Omega Christian Infernalism / Omega Christian Infernalist -> OCI = All will be tormented forever by Christ

🔥🌌 The Infernalverse = I, CI, OI, OCI

[Fire emoji already pre-established in CU Discord. Red.]


Universe = Umbrella term for set of beliefs

Permanent Afterlife Punishment = ☢️🌌 Annihlationverse, 🔥🌌 Infernalverse

Temporary Afterlife Punishment = ✝️🌌 Universalverse


Thus, Universalists are all naturally Ω Omegas because by definition all will be saved.

Non-Omega Infernalists and Non-Omega Annihlationists we can therefore call α Alphas because by definition not all will be saved. It’s impossible for μ 🔥 Ultra-Infernalists and μ☢️ Ultra-Annihlationists to exist, when torment and destruction are included in the definition of punishment.


Just like how Infernalists/Annihlationists can be Ω Omega, so too can only Universalists be μ Ultra.


Therefore, here is the equation:


(✝️ 🌌 = ✝️ + μ ✝️ + μ ✝️ ♻️ + † ✝️ + μ ✝️ + † ✝️ ♻️) (☢️🌌 = ☢️ + †☢️ + Ω ☢️ + Ω †☢️) (🔥🌌= 🔥 + † 🔥 + Ω 🔥 + Ω † 🔥)

09/21/2023 10:28 PM

Who are you trying to fool” my mother tells me, Sept 20 9:03 PM. I have to keep switching screens from my Bible study I’m doing for the Christian Universalist Discord server because my mother. Again, I felt her presence. I have to keep looking behind me, like the fictional series “Five Nights at Freddy’s”. Hearing her footsteps, and having her scream at me because of the Bible verses I have open.


My mother is an infernalist. She believes people will be tortured forever in hell. But already, her trying to stop me from just studying the Bible by myself has been hellish. Why do Infernalists try to censor … again I heard her come down, had to switch away.


Just like how it’s pointless for Infernalists to censor Universalists, so too is it pointless for Universalists to censor Infernalists. Perhaps her worry is that I’m a quote-on-quote “false prophet” because of my Christian Universalism, but I’m just some random person on the Internet studying the Bible. So, she would say how, because I’m just a random person, I should not study the Bible myself and leave it to the church.

Matthew 16:18 NHEB I also tell you that you are Peter, and on this Rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it.


church, ἐκκλησίαν (ekklēsian) Strong's 1577: refers to an assembly, congregation, church; the Church, the whole body of Christian believers.


But, if each individual member of the body of the church were unable to read the Bible by themselves, then how can they study the Bible together?

Therefore, every Christian believer is part of the church and every Christian believer will prevail against “gates of hell” aka Hades ᾅδου (hadou) the realm of the dead. This tells us all believers in Christ will be permanently saved.


But what of those who are not believers in Christ yet before they die? Well, look at where Hades is located aka the realm of the dead. Imagine if a person becomes a believer in Christ post-mortem, but they are not saved??? What?? That means that the gates of hell prevailed against them! So post-mortem salvation must be possible. Because Christ died, was buried, and bodily resurrected from the realm of the dead 3 days later. He preached to the dead while He was there!


Imagine if those dead were cast into eternal conscious torture or destroyed before Christ could preach to them. Imagine they’re permanently tortured or destroyed right before they’re able to believe in Christ! So how long will the LORD Christ wait for them to believe becomes the question. Well, He’s patient and wishes all to come to repentance, a change of mind. 2 Peter 3:9, so I can’t see Him slamming the gates of hell shut over someone just because they took too long. He’s already waited over thousands of years, surely, He can wait longer?


Therefore, I will wait and endure my mother’s emotional abuse. It’s already been like a decade anyways, surely, I can wait a bit longer, can’t I?

09/22/2023 11:07 PM

My mother comes home suddenly today Sept 22 2023 8:39 PM and says she wants to call the police. “She said no I’m going to sleepover. I said no I don’t want that. I said that I’m going to pick you up now because she doesn’t want to agree” she tells me. I type out her words from this basement. Worried, I ask her to repeat this. She’s shouting and explains that she doesn’t want her having a sleepover with her friends. She said she told her daughter that “If you don’t open the door for me I’m gonna call the police, because I’m going to say they’re holding my daughter inside there”

She then tells me, “I don’t want to take care of her anymore, you know what I’m saying.”


I can get a heart attack. Unless she wants me to die! She can be the cause of my heart attack.” she says “What do you want me to do” I ask her scared. Talking, it looks like she’s worried that one of her friends will put a towel up to her daughter’s mouth and kill her. She tells me to search up Paul Kenneth Bernardo, who is very evil and has committed the sins of murder and sexual violence.


How if she gets poisoned there?” my mother says, referring to them cooking by themselves. “You don’t trust anyone anymore. It’s like you don’t trust Putin! Never”. To associate this situation with a genuine war criminal is extreme, but I understand her worry. I can see the tears forming in her eyes, 9:31 PM, she says she’s going to go to the house around 10:00 PM. I ask her if I can come so I can help in this potentially dangerous situation, but I don’t remember her answering directly.


I’m really going to call the police. Because really she’s a minor. They’re not supposed to hold her there. I’m going to charge them with uh with uh thing. They can be charged. They’re not supposed to hold [NAME] there. … That’s the most scary thing.” I feel my right eye twitching by itself in frustration.


My mother reveals that she’s close to developing diabetes. Her blood pressure goes up and down due to her cholesterol. She says when she gets mad she feels physical pain around her chest. And she wonders how she’ll die, by a heart attack or by breast cancer. My head really hurts from all this stress, as usual.


My mother then claims my sister’s friends are gay and says a homophobic comment, so I tell her there’s nothing inherently wrong with being gay. I say to my mother, that a reason why my sister does not want to come home is because she’s scared of our mother. And I tell her she should be sensitive to LGBTQIA+ matters, which I affirm. But my mother dismisses the idea.


Psalm 34:17 NRSVue When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and rescues them from all their troubles


My mother says that I’m the only one that she trusts, the only one that can help her. And this moves me close to tears. My mother is an infernalist and I am a Christian Universalist, so is my sister, where we believe that all shall believe in Christ and be permanently saved. My mother says she told me sister that she is not a Christian, but I reply telling her that I see my sister as a Christian. I tell her I believe all will eventually go to Heaven, as per Christian Universalism, she says like “Yeah that’s your personal beliefs” and tells me that her daughter could be permanently lost. How cruel would that be, for “her” who has been abused when young to be tortured forever in Hell. If that’s truly the “love” of God, then please God, allow me to burn forever in Hell alongside her to keep “her” company. Yes… by “her” I refer to either my sister or my mother.


Thus, my mother and I pray together. Around 10:59 PM she tells me that this suffering is to prepare me for what’s to come. I agree. Climate change, war, societal collapse, civil unrest, things are going to get worse and more painful.

09/23/2023 7:22 PM

There are those who are not permanently saved, who’s name are not written in the Book of Life, who have not had faith alone in Christ before they died, those who go to the Lake of Fire.


Revelation 20 NRSVue and anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.


This life is ζωῆς (zōēs) Strong's 2222 is referring to both our physical present life and spiritual future existence.


But the book of life is filled with empty pages, waiting for the names of all people to be written there! Those who have died, have lost their physical present life, but yet, their spiritual future existence still awaits them.


Matthew 13:42 likens this Lake of Fire to a “fiery furnace” and Isaiah 48:10 states that this furnace of affliction has created a “refined” end state. Now, tell me, since the purpose of the Lake of Fire is for refinement, if God keeps people trapped in the Lake of Fire forever, then does that not mean that God has forever failed to make them “refined”?


Luckily today Sept 23 2023, my sister came back home safely from yesterday’s incident, so I went to the gym with her. But will I run out of paper to write on for the Bible verses I write? I spread those pages today, but other times at this gym, I had only pen, thus I wrote on paper towel rolls. If God has run out of pages to write on in His book of life, then what, has He run out of life? Therefore, as long as the LORD God lives, He will give life John 4:14.

09/24/2023 11:35 PM

Today Sept 24 Sunday 2023 around 3:07 PM my mother reveals that her arms are dark because she had a skin disease from bugs in the Philippines that would suck her blood. So, she tells me she has a phobia, she's paranoid.


Because of her fear, I feel sorry for her belief in infernalism. We see the LORD God has the power to take away sickness. Exodus 23:25. Not only do I trust in Him to get rid of any skin disease my mother has, but also every illness of every inhabitant of Earth.


Colossians 1:20 NRSVue and through him God was pleased to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, by making peace through the blood of his cross.



Because of Christ’s divinity as the LORD God, His precious blood αἵματος (haimatos) Strong's 129 is sufficient for the forgiveness of sins Matthew 26:28, shed through His death, burial and resurrection 3 days later.  So, when a person believes in Christ, that Blood is sufficient to permanently save them. So, the blood has no problem, rather it’s the person’s Belief.


Under Hard Determinism, something I personally believe in, following this concept, since the LORD God predetermines all events, then God, who desires all to be saved 1 Timothy 2:4, will predestine all people to believe in Christ to be saved. He controls Blood and Belief. For my mother’s phobia of having her blood sucked by bugs, does she have control of that fear?

This article medically reviewed by a licensed psychologists states that “A phobia is a type of anxiety disorder … Phobias are diagnosable mental disorders.”.


Did my mother choose to be afraid of this thing? No. People do not choose their disorders, they have no control over their nature nor their nurture. She grew up in a traumatic environment that conditioned her to behave in a way that makes her afraid of blood sucking bugs. By this logic, other people may grow in traumatic environments where they have a phobia of religious concepts so they may not want to believe in Christ for a certain time. If God were to torture them forever after death, then how is that fair? Would not God, in His patient 1 Corinthians 13:4, give them more time? Be gentle with them Psalm 18:35, after they’ve suffered so much already?

09/26/2023 1:56 AM

A predetermined event today Sept 25 2023 around 5:50 PM. I left a YR Gospel message and ran away. But I realized I left my phone there, so I ran back and got it. Thus I type this from that phone. However, there was a person in a wheelchair who was reading my UR Gospel message. I spoke with them and they showed me a book with writing on it about how God set the foundations of the world. Thus, I bless them.


Ephesians 1:4 NRSVue

just as he chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless before him in love.


If I had not forgotten my phone there, then I wouldn't have had the chance to talk with them. That is why I call it a "Predetermined Event". If we assume all events are predetermined, then under Christian Universalism, we have all been predestined to eventually believe in Jesus Christ to be permanently saved.

09/26/2023 8:41 PM

On Sept 24 2023, my mother, an infernalist, says growing up she didn't have birthdays, that they weren’t celebrated since they were poor. She didn't even remember it was her birthdate. She says she wouldn't really complain about it.


I love her, so hearing this fills me with grief. Yet, under infernalism, why do we celebrate birthdays? Why rejoice when a person is born? Because when they enter that infernal world, there is a nonzero possibility that they will be tortured forever. Antinatalism then becomes a way of life, where a negative value is assigned to birth. As long as even one person is tortured forever, that negative value will continue to exist.


Genesis 1:28 NRSVue God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.”


Yet, of course we know that giving birth to children is not inherently sinful. Otherwise why would God have promoted our reproduction, give us the ability to multiply Strong's 7235: וּרְב֛וּ (ū·rə·ḇū)  as a species God must have assigned a positive value to birth because otherwise, why would He have created us in the first place?


Therefore, I remain confident that Christian Universalism must be true. That all shall believe in Jesus and be permanently saved. That Jesus’ birth was of positive value, even though He died, even though He was buried, because He resurrected bodily 3 days later. His suffering. And I rest assured knowing that I will be able to provide my mother with the birthday parties that she never had in Heaven.

09/27/2023 1:24 PM

Today Sept 27 around 10:30 AM I was physically talking to a close IRL friend (IRLF) who is a Christian Universalist and who asked me to help her call out a longtime close toxic friend (TF) who avoids taking responsibility for their mistakes and tries to push the blame on the victim. She had to leave, so we texted afterwards. The time is 1:06 PM.


I called them toxic because TF admits it was toxic, yet fails to recognize that he’s toxic. TF says “Since I wasn’t able to provide that, the relationship was then toxic for you” Toxic for you??? Toxicity is not something subjectively experienced, it’s objectively bad! In every relationship! Riddle me this TF! In a one-to-one relationship, one side is treated in a toxic way from the other side. Who then is being toxic?


I’ve quoted TF’s texts that IRL texted me then related it -> to this article.

PhD Source:


TF says “There was never any deceit” -> They gaslight you ☑ “


TF says “Correct, I’m not apologizing.” followed by paragraphs of copium -> They don't apologize


TF says “The onus was not on me, as such, I hold no blame for myself” “I’m trying to make it clear that I don’t feel any blame” -> They think they are superior to others


TF says -> “It’s difficult to decipher the meaning of this through the lack of tone” -> They don't understand how their behavior makes others feel


TF says “If this is merely an offensive jab, then I don’t think a response is needed” -> I was coaching IRL on the texts they sent TF, so IRL’s texts have my approval.

So IRLF and I got up a bunch of psychology article links and it was so absurd how closely TF’s behavior matched it. IRLF talked about how this just became goofy so I replied “we have gone from TRAGEDY TO COMEDY MY HOMIES”. IRLF asked if she could send my commentary to TF so I gave her permission and she screenshotted it and sent it XD. I’ve been with her for a long time, so I’m glad this situation can be cathartic to her.


TF saying “while on the defensive” is just a fancy way for them to say “No I don’t like being confronted for my toxic behavior let me continue in my toxic behavior”. So, I text IRLF “can he just APOLOGIZE like the bare minimum????”.


I tell IRL they were hard carrying their relationship with TF, saying “That first part tells me “I only like being around you when times are good, but when times are bad then I’ll gladly abandon you”. True friends stick together in the good AND bad times. [TF Name] saw you less as a person with emotions and more like some medium for his own personal entertainment, it’s sickening. … Because of your past experiences with [Other Toxic Person Name], I don’t blame you for getting manipulated. I’m pissed at [TF Name] for taking advantage of a person that comes from a vulnerable background.”


But this part from the article above speaks volume “Unfortunately, no one (not even therapists or life coaches) can fix someone else's toxic traits if the person with the toxic traits doesn't want to change. “


I was helping her text this person to expose them for their manipulative behavior, but he kept regurgitating the same points over and over again. If you want to go rightfully ham on someone, be my guest my friends, but do so for the sake of our own mental health, to vent. Don’t waste your time when someone stubbornly refuses to change themselves.


I made this the Daily Quote because I’m upset, angry and genuinely pissed because of how long TF has emotionally stressed and mistreated IRLF. She’s already suffered so much from her past toxic relationship, why trap her in another one?!?!? Since I already psychoanalyzed this toxic person, I figured I would post this as a resource to help any of you expose toxic people in your lives too.


Romans 5:3-4 NRSVue And not only that, but we[a] also boast in our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,



Remember, there are only two ways to gain emotional intelligence, to suffer yourself or to hear of the suffering of others. Those who require this learning and who refuse to listen to the stories of other people’s suffering shall surely suffer themselves. If TF continually refuses to admit their own wrongdoings, to listen to IRLF (and technically me through IRLF), then he will surely suffer.


But as we Christian Universalists know; suffering does not last forever. All shall believe in Christ and all shall be permanently saved. “God bless fr (prayer emoji)” IRLF texts me “Ayyy God bless (prayer emoji” I tell, not just her, but to all of you!

09/28/2023 8:07 PM

In the context of Christian Universalism, I believe it’s important to still be friends with those who are Infernalists and Annihlationists.


Say you were friends with someone then suddenly learned that they have a major theological difference to you. Would you still be friends with them? The answer here should be a definitive yes. Imagine only being friends with someone just because they happen to agree with the same theology as you. At that point, are you really friends with them as themselves or the concept of them?


If you are only friends with Christian Universalists purely because they believe in Christian Universalism, then do you love them as a person, or do you only love them for their knowledge? When knowledge comes to an end, meaning when all people realize Christian Universalism is true, what then did you love them for?


1 Cor 13:8 NRSVue Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end.



The fact that prophecies will end means that all prophecies must be fulfilled, including the promise made by God, His desire, which is to save all people. 1 Timothy 2:4. Therefore all people will have faith alone in God, Christ, and be saved.

09/29/2023 12:14 PM

Yesterday Sept 28 2023 before 10:51 PM my infernalist mother was shouting at my universalist sister saying that she’s not Christian. So, I rush upstairs and say that she is a Christian. And I firmly rebuke my mother for her cruel use of religion to emotionally abuse my sister. Because I see that she is visibly physical distressed, hiding in her room in her blanket as my mother screams at her.


I ask my mother why and she says she does not want her to go to a sleepover. What a ridiculous reason to traumatize your daughter over. I ask my mother, what’s the point of the yelling when her daughter is nearby already? My mother replies, because her daughter covers her ears with her hands. So, I tell my mother this story, how when I was younger, I was in physical distress, hiding in my room, as my mother banged on the door screaming “GOD WILL PUNISH YOU!!” and in that case my hands were over my ears too. I forgive her and love her, but still, my sister says that sounds like something out of a horror story. And it really was terrifying, that one of many distressing moments.


Philippians 4:7 NRSVue And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.



Now imagine if someone were in hell forever and God screamed at them “I WILL PUNISH YOU!!”. I already have trouble hearing some things because of years of shouting. Just like how I could not remain downstairs minding my own business as my sister was getting screamed at by my mother, so too can I not simply remain content, even in heaven, if a God were treating even a single person like that forever. What I’m saying is that, the happiness of heaven depends on the happiness of everyone. So, if even a single person is unhappy forever, everyone is. Therefore, all people must have faith alone in Christ to gain permanent peace εἰρήνη (eirēnē) Strong's 1515. How can you say there is world peace when there is even one person in distress?

09/30/2023 11:19 PM


How many predetermined events do I have to go through?

I’m typing this with no Internet access. 9:36 PM Sept 30 2023 Saturday. It’s been like this since I woke up. So, for the past several hours, I’ve added a bunch of old articles (over 100) to my site


Just now my mother shouts at me saying I’m not going to do well. The classic trope. A lot of these posts have been carried by her antics. Like, The Server’s Daily Quote on the Christian Universalists Discord (CUD). I’ve recorded the history of the …


Ah sorry, interrupted. And again. She came down harassing me, as usual. I could feel her she was watching me behind me, silently. I have that sense, you know? From the years of her watching my movements. Without looking behind me, I then heard a noise stimulus, signalling her departure.


Since she saw what I was typing on the TV screen, she says:


You’re becoming a liar. You’re lying all the time. You’re lying to your chat people. You’re not telling the truth. You’re telling them that I’m yelling when I’m not. You’re telling that I’m yelling when I’m not. You’re lying you have to be true. You have to tell the truth all the time. Tell the truth. You have to tell the truth. Be honest. Be a good person. Be a good person. Don’t deceive people. Be honest. All the time, be a good person. That’s not how to attract friends. You cannot attract friends by lying. You cannot have true friends cause you’re lying. Don’t lie. That’s bad. That’s really bad. Lying is bad. Lying is bad, that will catch up to you one day. That will catch up to you. You will see, it will catch up to you your lying. You have to be honest; you have to be true. Honesty is the best policy. Be true and honest. You have to be honest all the time. Don’t manipulate stories. If you’re not honest and true. Honesty is the best policy. Be true to yourself. You want to succeed. Have self-respect and respect other people. Don’t give false information. False information is false. It’s not valid. It’s not righteous. Be true to yourself. Be true to people. Respect them. When did you start lying. Be honest all the time. Be a good person. Nothing better. You’re guilty. Guilty conscience.” – Exact quote from her, by the way, I’m telling you the truth.


It's her classic gaslighting back at it again. She somehow thinks that by repeating her argument over and over she’ll make it more convincing. She’s just upset that I’ve been exposing her via these posts. Like yesterday, where she sided with a user in the CUD who was promoting the physical abuse of children and got upset at me when I threatened to mute them, because she wanted to physical abuse my sister who is a minor.


I’ve been abused for so long that I really don’t care if there’s random people who think I’m making all of this up. I have recorded physical evidence of her abusive behavior. And I’ve documented it in my typing for close to a decade through the Journal Entries which I posted around last year on my website.



No matter what she says, she will never change the fact that the events that I’ve been recording on here for years did happen, that is guaranteed. She is also an infernalist, so no matter how much times she tries to threaten my sister and I with eternal hell, she will never change the fact that all people will believe in Jesus Christ and that all people will be permanently saved.


1 Cor 13:8 Love never fails


Verse, I memorized. I still have no Internet access. Anyways, the Book of the CUD. 68 articles, around 1000 words each. So, I’m saying it’s over 69 000+ words of history I’ve documented.


Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. Ok, so I uninstalled Mullvad VPN and the Internet’s back up.

10/01/2023 11:28 PM

Sept 29th to Sept 30th, it was around midnight, there was an online user who was supporting the sin of physically abusing children in the Christian Universalists Discord server. There were invalidating the emotional abuse my friend and I experienced. Thus, as a mod lite, I rebuked them and warned I would mute them. Watching this conversation in real life was my abusive infernalist mother who said she agreed with that person, so I rebuke her too.


Spanking your children is the sin of violence, it's sexual abuse. Physically hitting your children is physical abuse and child abuse too. That is not "discipline" just like how a Shepard does not beat their sheep with their Shepard's rod as that's animal abuse.


My mother got up in front of the screen trying to block my view and trying to turn it off, because she did not want me rebuking the person in chat who was promoting physical abuse.


1 Timothy 5:20 NRSVue As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest also may stand in fear.


She calls me pathetic, and mocks my name "Jesus-Saves-All" saying that I am a liar that I only pretend to do good. She insults me and laughs at me. I am a sinner, like all other humans, so from one sinner to another, I rebuke my mother for her emotional abuse because I care for her. And I love her.


I also love my sister, so for her sake, I continue to remain in this house. Since she is a minor, I fear that if I leave, she will be physically abused by my mother. Will God ever leave us forever? I don’t think so. God will wait for all of us to have faith alone in Christ, He will wait for us to be permanently saved. Eventually it will happen. Just like how Christ was killed, buried and then eventually resurrected 3 days later as payment for our sins. We’re in that waiting period.

10/02/2023 5:16 PM

Yesterday, Oct 1st was an incredibly calming church service, where they talked about the importance of resting and taking breaks.

Psalm 4:8 NRSVue I will both lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me lie down in safety.


What ruined the moment was that after the service, right inside of the church building on the second floor, my mother began promoting the physical abuse of children. Which is seriously messed up and grosses me out. So, I rebuked her in the church. Spanking children is sexual abuse and physical abuse and child abuse. And my sister agreed with me saying how in no universe you should be hitting children.


Still, I think eventually everyone will have permanent rest, by faith alone in Lord Christ. I wouldn’t feel safe lying down in Heaven knowing that that God is one that torture people or forever or permanently destroys them, since I could have just as easily been them.

10/03/2023 11:47 PM

Today, October 3rd 2023 a Ph.D physically in real life mentioned the Bible and the Law of Reaping and Sowing.


Galatians 6:7 NRSVue Do not be deceived; God is not mocked, for you reap whatever you sow


sows, σπείρῃ (speirē) Strong's 4687: To sow, spread, scatter is referring to seeds as shown in Matthew 13:19-25.


he will reap in return. θερίσει (therisei) Strong's 2325: To reap, gather, harvest is a reference to crops as mentioned in the season of Galatians 6:9


As per the Analogical Learning model, the Base, the existing knowledge structure, is our knowledge of agriculture. Plant a seed and eventually it grows. We see here the Target, is the spiritual meaning, telling us that there is punishment for all sin.


So, it’s expected for the NT reader to integrate the Base schema with the Target. The flaw with infernalism is that they misconstrue how farming works.


How can a finite seed grow into infinite punishment? Finite grows finite. Thus, all people must eventually be saved by belief in Christ. After all, Christ was buried for a finite time, 3 days, after He was killed, then was risen after, showing an end to the consequences of sin.

10/04/2023 9:10 PM

I remember my mother telling me about the stressful “productivity” system at place in her work. But what is “productive” to an employer is subjective and arbitrarily assigned. Many people go through life working and then coming home to rest, trying to recover from the days work, only to then go to work the next. And thus, the cycle of burnout continues. Where can they get the energy to learn of the LORD when the daily going-ons of life sucks so much energy from them already?


Psalm 3:5 NRSVue I lie down and sleep; I wake again, for the Lord sustains me.


Many of these people continue in their unknowing. How many of them know that they must have faith alone in Jesus Christ to gain permanent salvation? How many of them have time to even read the Bible. We see that the LORD sustains both the believer and the unbeliever, because He desires all to come to knowledge of the truth. 1 Timothy 2:4.


sustains me. יִסְמְכֵֽנִי׃ (yis·mə·ḵê·nî) Strong's 5564: To prop, to lean upon, take hold of

So, we also see that the LORD God Christ takes hold of us. Not just those of us who believe already, but also, giving by grace, faith to those who have yet to believe. One day a person might come back from work and feel the sudden inspiration to read the Bible. Whether one has this motivation or not is granted by the LORD. Some people are merely given this spiritual energy earlier than others.


So, to those of you who have survived this day Oct 4th 2023, whether or not you did things which were randomly assigned as “productive” by others, I say to you “Well done!”. For each day that passes is a day closer we get to the Universal Reconciliation of All Humanity to God. Amen!

10/05/2023 11:46 PM

My old Roblox account was named Dark1590. I no longer have access to it though, since it’s been hacked. But my favorites are still there:!/places

One of the games is titled “† Remember Jesus †” which has a description stating “

He died on the cross to forgive us for all of our sins. No matter how far you've gone with your sins, He will never hate you, and he will ALWAYS forgive you, but that doesn't mean we should still sin.

He loves you as a child and will never hate you nor forsake you. : ) This Place was built as a tribute to Jesus.”


I made this Roblox account on April 11th 2010, but I did not believe in Jesus Christ to be permanently saved until May 14, 2017, where I was a Christian Infernalist. Remembering this now, Oct 5th 2023, as a Christian Universalist, the description is very heavily favored towards Universal Reconciliation. Yet, I didn’t even know such a concept existed back then.


Ephesians 4:32 NRSVue 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.


Christian Universalism is not an approval of permission to sin, rather, it’s a statement that all sins shall be forgiven Hebrews 9:26, all sinners saved Titus 2:11, no matter how far they’ve gone with their sins Luke 19:10, because He always loves everyone John 3:16.


Christian Infernalist me probably would have agreed with that Roblox description about Christian Universalism, ironically enough. Many Infernalists, like I was, probably saw God as Almighty, forgiving to all and loving the whole world. Yet, why do they disagree with Universal Reconciliation when UR is literally the natural result of God’s character?


10/06/2023 7:43 PM


I was in the shower today Oct 6th 2023 and my mother on the other side told me that, because my sister goes out to hang out with her friends weekly, saying that she’s addicted and that she has an addiction. I disagree with my mother’s statement there. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with hanging out friends.


We can see that from Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, that "Belongingness and love needs" is the 3rd level, which counts as a psychological need. And the truth is, though we must believe in Jesus Christ to be permanently saved, whether or not we believe in Jesus Christ, God loves us all the same!


John 3:16 NRSVue “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.


Notice the past tense here on the “loved” translation here. ἠγάπησεν (ēgapēsen) Strong's 25: To love, wish well to.


Before any of us were even born, God still loved us! This is very important because it shows that God’s plan to save everyone, Universal Reconciliation, has existed since the very beginning, even before Genesis 1:1. Because it’s in God’s very universal nature to love!

10/07/2023 3:39 PM

I type this October 7th 2023 as I get ready to do some voice acting. The Koine Greek term for voice,

a voice φωνὴ (phōnē) Strong's 5456 is used in the following verse:


Mark 1:11 NRSVue And a voice came from the heavens, “You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased.”


Will God be pleased if the majority of the world is burning in hell forever? I don’t think so. What about, if even a single person is permanently lost? Again, I don’t thinks so.


The phrase “I am well pleased.” εὐδόκησα (eudokēsa) is referred to in Strong's 2106 as “To be well-pleased, think it good, be resolved.”


Interesting… “be resolved”. Yet, if a person were cast away from God forever, even one, that would mean that the the Beloved, has failed in resolving the issue of sin. For one must have faith alone in Christ to be made permanently clean of all sin. What then, did the death, burial and resurrection of the Son of God achieve, if even a single person remains trapped in sin forever?


Therefore, because God’s plan is the removal of all sin 1 John 1:7 and because God is “well pleased” in His Son, Universal Reconciliation must be true.


10/09/2023 1:05 AM

It was before 7:00 PM Oct 8th 2023 as I was walking alongside my younger sister across a bridge that was close to railway tracks. Though my father was emotionally absent, my mother would often shift the blame on him. I told my sister of this, and she agrees with me that our mother is emotionally abusive.


She commented on how beautiful the outdoors were and I agreed. When I was younger, I could not appreciate being outside as much. I think this was a reflection of my inner mood. I often sat on the stairs by myself, or hid in the washroom stall, to give myself peace and quiet. I was bullied at school by others and bullied at home by my own mother. Because of this, I did not trust people that much. As you can probably tell, I’ve opened up more online, but it took many years.


I don’t remember much about my childhood. My sister explained to me how, even when the brain does not remember things, the body still keeps a record. My father and my mother were both physically abused by their parents, yet their personalities are so different from each other. I think they’re both reacting in a way that is indicative of past trauma, as my sister and I act as well. So, I still love all of them, we all have our flaws after all. Hurt people hurt others.


Galatians 5:14 14 NRSVue For the whole law is summed up in a single commandment, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”


So, I agreed with my sister’s comment on the outdoors. Today the color of the sky, the lighting of the trees, felt all so bright and full of life. But didn’t nature always look like this? I think it’s more-so my perspective changed. And I trust that all will believe in Christ and gain permanent life.

10/09/2023 7:11 PM

Today October 9th 2023 4:42 PM is thanksgiving in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, a public holiday. I thought I brought my debit card with me, but I can't find it. I was writing UR Gospel Messages and a stranger who was smoking laid their head down on the platform I was writing on. This was next to the Winnipeg Police Service Headquarters. They asked if I wanted to go with them. I replied that I had to go to the police station, due to a strange blue CD I found yesterday while walking with my sister that I returned to today. They said I was writing fast and I told them I was used to the script. I wrote for them my website like and this Discord Server link They left and because they listened, I bless them.


After I gave an officer the CD, I went outside the station. The following was a bad move, a mistake, on my part, but I was trying to take a selfie of myself across the opposite side of the street angled towards the front of the police station so I could send the picture to my friend on Discord so they could know where I was. A short amount of time had passed when suddenly two other police officers approached me. One did most of the talking, asking me for my name, identification card and home address to which I provided all 3 alongside postal code. The other was mostly on standby. I showed them the photos I took on my phone and deleted them. Because of my past job application with an insurance company, I do have my information with the police, but this is just a regular civilian record with them and not a criminal record, as I explained to the officers.


They lectured me how I should do that away from the police station and I agree with their concerns. An error from me. Though, photos of this same police station are publicly visble on Google.


Ironic considering I was cleaning up litter and giving money outside before. Since Oratio DMed me today saying that cleaning up litter is based. Last time Oratio DMed me it was incredibly convenient timing. So looks like today ended up being a noteworthy predetermined event too.I told them I was going to Dollarama to try to find an air pump for my mom for birthday balloons so they dismissed me. Again, dumb idea on my part to take photos of myself in front of a police station. While it's fine to take selfies, you have to be careful where you do it and I certainly learned my lesson here. Oh, I ended up showing the police the Christian Universalists Discord server from my phone too. Maybe they'll join, who knows. Oh and my mom just called me again while I was in Dollarama. I couldn't find an air pump here. Stil, seems like I can't even go out alone without at least someone watching me. So providing these updates can be a necessity.


Proverbs 21:15 NRSVue When justice is done, it is a joy to the righteous    but dismay to evildoers.


Turns out I just left my debit card at home this whole time. Went all the way to the mall and couldn't get anything there... When it comes to Christian Universalism, that all shall believe in Christ and all shall be permanently saved, I think I know a fair bit. But outside of that, man... I'm like... very dense. Man… and I was giving my address to the Pizza Pizza phone operator and they hung up on me. Great, so now Pizza Pizza and the Winnipeg Police both know where I live! Time is now around 7:09 PM.

Yesterday at 5:01 PM

This was an event from a few days ago: My sister asks why it’s so stressful being with our mother on October 7th 2023 around 4:44 PM. I’ve been stuck waiting for when I can record my voice acting here with all these blankets still over my desk. My mother complains to me saying that she’s always seen as the bad guy and I tell her that we all have our faults. The reason I keep featuring her in these daily quotes is because she keeps creating daily issues and I forgive her each time. I still love her.


I tell my mother she shouldn’t keep getting like unjustifiably upset all the time, and she replies, saying how my sister also gets upset, so I tell her that neither should she like get unjustifiably upset either. However, my mother has gotten unnecessarily angry far more often and far more severely. I explain my reasoning to my mother, why I focus on her flaws, reminding her that my sister’s the minor here. As an adult, my mother should have the life experience to know not to act in an unjustifiably angry way so frequently.


Isaiah 57:16 NRSVue I will not accuse them forever, nor will I always be angry, for then they would faint away because of me— the very people I have created.


We see here that, even though the LORD has justified anger towards sin, He still loves all sinners. And even He is not angry forever, so how then, can He torture or destroy people forever because of their sin? Surely, all shall have faith alone in Christ and shall gain permanent salvation.






I’ve been doing a lot of work on my website today Oct 11th 2023, such as putting together a compilation of over 100+ Bible verses that support Christian Universalism alongside my commentary.


It’s funny because one of my earliest writings dates back to September 17, 2014. It was only 7 years later that the NRSVue was released. So, I’ve gone back to some of my past Bible verses and updated them to be from the NRSVue.


But when editing these articles, it makes me wonder how much time we have before there’s going to be more societal collapse. How long will people have access to the Internet due to climate change?


For me, I focus more on the experience of getting Bible verses and providing my commentary to it. Like here, it’s become a sort of daily routine to me. And even if we may not have access to online discussion forums talking about Christianity, I still think, having a place to talk about Christian Universalism, the time spent itself, makes it worth it.


```Psalm 90:12 NRSVue So teach us to count our days that we may gain a wise heart. ```I


Count the days between 2014 to 2021, 7 years, assuming each year is 365 days, that’s 2555 days counted. Back then, I didn’t write nearly as much, but I figured I would just start typing you know? So I think, if you want to do something good in the world, just start it now, you know? Even if your knowledge changes, you can always go back and edit it. I’ve gone from atheism to infernalism to annilhationism to universalism in that 7 year range and have definitely had to go back and change, even remove, parts of my site that were outdated, no longer relevant, or held beliefs that I no longer held.


So, a lot can happen in 7 years! Just think of how many people will become believers in Christ in that time, how many will be permanently saved! So, I can’t see God, a God of Love 1 John 4:16, Mercy Ephesians 2:4 and Patience 1 Corinthians 13:4, ever permanently shutting that door of salvation. God bless my friends, thanks for reading and for sticking with me for all these years. And to many more years to come!




My mother has ruined my sister’s birthday party, today, October 11th 2023 because of her continuous emotional abuse. I type this 9:38 PM, after my sister and I rebuked her. I am in a black suit with a blue undershirt and my sister in a dress.


Earlier in the day, my mother said that she saw on my sister’s phone notifications the word “hooker” (I have not seen the evidence of this accusation) and that she did not want to bring this up because it is her birthday. So, we blew up balloons and decorated the house. My mother left. Later, my sister came and I surprised her. We played the video game Kirby and the Forgotten Land. After, my mother came home.


There was an infernalist that was online in the Christian Universalists Discord server, so I quickly rebuked them. All people shall believe in Christ and all people shall thus be permanently saved. My mother too is an infernalist. After, my mother and I took pictures of my sister as she posed with the balloons.


I let my sister look at the pictures I took of her on my phone. And then my sister looked at the pictures on my mother’s phone and saw that there were screenshots of her phone notifications on her chat. So, my sister got rightfully upset because she did not give my mother permission to look through her phone, she did not consent to having her private conversations screenshotted and saved.


My mother tried to justify her evil here by saying that she was trying to protect my sister from harm. Yet, my sister told me that she was not looking at her phone in the morning, so this message could have been sent from a different person in her group chat. As well, I don’t see anything wrong with using the word “hooker” or just talking about “hookers” or making jokes, etc. etc. I don’t see anything inherently wrong with vulgar language either. The fact that my mother has to grasp at straws and scrape the bottom of the barrel trying to find meaningless non-issues to force drama out of sickens me.


My mother has emotionally abused me for over a decade. As such, she has mentally taken control of me, in this prison of a house. We thought that my sister was going to be harmed, so my mother manipulated me into looking into her Discord and Instagram accounts without her permission. I regret the evil action that I did and I rebuke myself for it. I stopped doing that in the past. I’ve confessed that mistake to my sister before and I told her about it again. But I do so, and I do so here, to outline the difference between my mother and I. We are both evil sinners and have made many mistakes. But I acknowledge my past evil. I still make mistakes, such as how I included people’s Discord quotes on my website without their permission, to which I went after and removed yesterday. I must unlearn much of the toxic behavior that my mother had taught me for over a decade.


My mother here has refused to fully admit the evil of her actions, her breach of privacy. When we were rightfully angry at her, she kept laughing repeatedly, she kept shifting the blame, and accusing us. Rather than talking to me, she would take out her black camera and take pictures of me, as if to mock me.  My sister asks me if she could stay with me in my house, if I ever get one of my own, and I agree. That is why I, who am a 22-year-old, has become a better moral guardian for my sister than both of our parents who are over 45 years old. How can my mother even begin to improve her behavior if she does not recognize why it’s bad? Where is her empathy? My mother says to talk with her when we are her age. How convenient for her, because, will not for our whole lives always be physically younger than her mother? So then, would she never listen to us, as long as she lives? Let us listen to people, regardless of their age my friend and not discriminate against them. Therefore, I explained this Bible verse to my mother and my sister:


```1 Timothy 4:12 12 Let no one despise your youth, but set the believers an example in speech and conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. ```


My mother then throws what she was cleaning in the sink in anger. She continues screaming and shouting. She asks why this is such a big issue. I tell her because she has been doing this for a long time. My sister says she’s told my mother multiple times to stop invading her privacy, yet my mother continues in her evil. My mother comes downstairs and we stare at each other for minutes. She widens her eyes and asks if I am scared and I tell her I do not care. She then starts moving her lips and starts making what sounds like chipmunk noises. My sister asks why this was happening on this specific day and she believes this was meant to be a message to her, a warning against her mother. I agree. Today is yet another predetermined event by the LORD God.


My sister asks if she can redo this. And I say this, for every day she has suffered under our mother’s abuse, give her a day of happiness in paradise. No, a month, a year. Lord, give all who have suffered abuse from a parent permanent happiness in Heaven. This is my humble request, as one who continues to be abused by my mother. My mother says that people did not celebrate her birthday either. Therefore, I forgive her and still love her. Let me continue to be there, for the both of them, for as long as I live, my Lord.




My sister and I, both of us Christian Universalists, have been texting on Instagram because our mother, a Christian Infernalist, has been reading our conversations with each other without our permission.


Since my sister texted me a Christian meme, I texted her a Christian Universalist meme in response yesterday Oct 12th 2023. It talked about how the word “Hell” comes from Norse Mythology, which is true. Specifically, the Norse underworld is called “Hel” and it’s ruler, named “Hel/Hela”.


An infernalist may say “Jesus spoke about hell more than heaven” but we can see this is not true, because essentially Jesus spoke about “Hell” 0 times. The term Gehenna, a metaphor for the Lake of Fire, is more accurate, and even then, we see that Jesus spoke more about Heaven than Gehenna.


```John 14:1-2 NRSVue “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? ```


The term house here House οἰκίᾳ (oikia) Strong's 3614: From oikos; properly, residence, but usually an abode; by implication, a family. is referring to a house of Heaven. This is not to be confused with the Norse mythology concept of “Helheim”, which literally translates as “House of Hel”. We see from implication that the Father’s house is that of a family. Are we not all members of the Father’s family, is He not all our Father? Therefore, we see from Jesus’ words that all must believe in Him, in God, for in the Father’s house are there dwelling places prepared in advance for every person in existence!




You’re getting too out of control here!” my infernalist father says to my infernalist mother in a worried voice. The time is 8:32 PM Oct 13th 2023.


Don’t damage my phone that’s worth a lot of money.” He starts shouting “Hey come on! You’re getting violent. You’re getting violent here, I’m trying to be reasonable. You grabbed my phone. You’re getting violent and psychotic! Hey come on! Settle down! Settle down. This is not life and death!”


```Proverbs 3:31 NRSVue Do not envy the violent, and do not choose any of their ways, ```


My mother starts shouting back. “I told you you don’t step on the dirt there! You just don’t know! There’s no celebration. I cancel everything!”.  My mother does not like it when things get dirty. We were supposed to have a party with my sister’s friends to celebrate her birthday which was on Oct 11th, but it looks like my mother’s at risk of ruining that too.  She starts sobbing. “No one is listening anymore”. And she uses the sound of water to cover her sobbing.  “You’re getting all tense about it” my father says.


My mother then says that she’s not the one who is psychotic but that it’s my father who is psychotic. “You’re a useless father here. You’re not doing your job here.” she says to him. My mother tells me that my father thinks she is violent, but she disagrees and says that he just doesn’t understand her. My opinion is that my mother is emotionally violent. My sister also agrees that she is emotionally abusive. Every member of this local family in this house recognizes that her behavior is bad, so why can’t she?


I want them to know that I’m really strict. So they can watch out for me. Keep away from me. Keep away from my daughter. That’s what I want them to know. Don’t friend with [my sister’s name].” she says.


So, I could not join a Zoom meeting right away. If I entered sooner, they may hear the shouting, who knows. To them, I say I’m having technical issues getting the link to work. But there’s so much more issues I’m dealing with beyond that. Everyone must believe in Jesus Christ to gain permanent life. Only then will there be true peace. Therefore, I bless my mother. I love her. I hope every member of my family, and beyond that, every member of the family of God, which is all of creation, be blessed with peace as well.



How can a person really celebrate their birth under infernalism? Sure, they could have avoided eternal hell. But someone else is in eternal hell in their place. There was a non-zero possibility that could have been them. If they had never been born, they would have avoided that risk altogether.


How can a person really celebrate their birth under annihilationism? Sure, even if they aren’t arbitrarily saved before they die and are permanently destroyed, they aren’t getting tortured forever. But there’s still a net negative. They went through all the suffering in life, that pain, that hardship just to go into permanent nonexistence. Why would God even create them to begin with, just to suffer?


When I was an infernalist then an annihlationist I’m not sure how I was able to celebrate birthdays. How could the gift δώρημα (dōrēma) Strong's 1434: A gift, bounty. From doreomai; a bestowment -> of life be perfect? If even a single person does not receive permanent life from the Father of lights?

```James 1:17 NRSVue Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift, is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change```


Among these three options, only in Christian Universalism is there a true celebration of one’s birth. Because only under Universal Reconciliation is there a net positive for all people. As all shall have faith alone in Christ and gain permanent salvation thus.



I was talking with my sister, who is a Christian Universalist like myself who is familiar with my suffering and suffering of her own, and she tells me about the Odyssey. I’ve read the story.


From island to island experiencing suffering, Odysseus would desire to return home. To him that was his goal, paradise on Earth. This is relatable to me, though heaven is my motivation, not merely an earthly safe haven.


However, once Odysseus came home, he felt unsatisfied. She says to me how Odysseus would talk to other military commanders, asking them if they needed help in a war. Odysseus had his earthly paradise, yet went out of his way to seek more suffering. It’s as though Odysseus had fallen in love with his suffering! Imagine that.

I wonder if I have grown in love with my suffering too? If given the opportunity to rest while here on Earth, would I truly be able to relax? Or would I throw myself into yet more challenges out of a passive feeling of guilt that somehow time not spent helping other’s is a “waste”? Perhaps it’s my internal recognition that I will never be able to achieve true satisfaction in life while here on Earth that pushes me to try to give others that satisfaction in my stead. Why I so often talk about my sister being emotionally abused by my mother when it’s in fact the both of us who are suffering here. Why I tend to so often depersonalize myself from these those stories and take on the role of a narrator.


And my mother. Though I am against the emotional abuse she has given me for over a decade, from a narrative perspective, it does make for interesting story material. If not for her, what would I have to write about for these daily quotes? So the dichotomy that exists between us, the contrast, is an intriguing relationship. Would I even be who I am if not for her?


I don’t think I’ll ever be truly happy while I’m alive on Earth. Like how I was starving myself for a buffet recently, it’s optimal to get all the necessary suffering needed for a human out of the way first before giving them permanent happiness. If I was given even a taste of true heaven, and then cast back to suffering, I would find that incredibly taunting. So, I understand why God has not let me even have a sip of true paradise. If that’s the carrot on this stick called life then let me chase that dream for as long as I live. Let me suffer and continue to suffer until I die. That is optimal.


If infernalism or annilhationism is true, then for me, that’s all stick and no carrot. That is unoptimal. Because my desire is for all people to believe in Christ so all will be permanently reconciled with God, if ECT/ED is true then I would have gone through all this suffering for absolutely no reason at all. And I’ll be seriously pissed off.






October 15th 2023 my mother tells me that because I have autism that I have to stop repeating things. Yet we see that life constantly repeats itself again and again even without our intervention. It makes sense to want more people to know about Christian Universalism, it’s my desire too. However, look at the Early Christians and how their Universalism was forgotten in favor of Infernalism. Generations will come and go and so too will knowledge. Ups and down, cycles.


```Joel 1:3 NRSVue Tell your children of it, and let your children tell their children, and their children another generation. ```


What I find admirable is how long the concept of Christian Universalism has persisted throughout millennia. Even if every human currently alive were to completely forget about UR, we still have inherently Universalistic Bible verses that exist. Every member of every generation will eventually believe in Christ and will be permanently saved, no matter how many cycles of suffering they have to go through. We may forget God’s promise, to save everyone, but God will never forget His.




I have been kicking a bunch of what appears to be bot accounts from the Christian Universalists Discord server today October 18 2023, it’s around 5:47 PM. Perhaps the person sending these bots believes that they have good intentions? Thinking that they’ll be able to make Christian Universalism more popular by inflating the server’s member count artificially in this way.


The problem is that there was a bot which was an AI Learning model. From their Github page, there’s the risk of it gathering data about people’s chats and using it. The issue is that not everyone gives permission for their messages to be used in this way, to be harvested. If the person wanted to create some AI Bible Chat bot using this method, then I am against it, because the way they’re doing it is without consent.


It reminds me of my youth, from years ago. Where there was a Soundcloud creator that I wanted to support, so I used an online service in which would make this person more popular. However, this service, I think could have also used bots. It would increase numbers. At first, this Soundcloud creator messaged me I think with happiness or excitement. They were getting really popular! But eventually… this Soundcloud creator noticed something was off with the accounts that supported them, that they weren’t real people, and they were upset. And I think one of their friends direct messaged me on Discord. This was when I was younger, where I committed the sin of bearing false witness, by saying something along the lines of that I got the service from a site that I did not get it from. I thought I was doing something supportive, because this person did Undertale remixes, I really loved their music! I wanted more people to see it! And I would use this same service on Youtube videos as well, giving them thousands of views. I rebuke myself for my sins of bearing false witness, my evil. I rebuke myself in today’s Daily Quote, as this is the fate of those who rebuke others. I hope they’re doing alright now.


Christian Universalism, the concept that all people shall believe in Christ and all shall be permanently saved, is really a wonderful truth. And I do want people to learn about it! However, we must the Gospel truthfully. Not with infernalism, not with annilhationism. The good news for all must logically be good for all. I type this message, also for the person who could have sent all these bots to the server. If you’re reading this, I say to you, that I relate to you. Truly. But I believe that your knowledge of coding, can be used for good! Just look at me. I’m at least able to help out coding a David Bentley Hart (DBH) bot on the server, which people can use to quote Bible verses. Therefore, I end today’s quote with this Bible verse:


``` Romans 8:28 NRSVue We know that all things work together[a] for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. ```


God bless to you, you bot creator, I say to you, as a bot creator myself.




I'm typing this from my phone. [This was before I went to sleep yesterday, today is Oct 19 2023] My infernalist mother was getting upset at me because she heard the sound of me breathing through my nostrils. She told me to stop making those noises. I ask if she wants me to stop breathing and she replies that I should breathe through my nose, so I tell her that I am. My mother is like the type of person who would tell me to stop breathing and then get upset at me that I died.


I think my mother had also told me that I was diagnosed with asthma by a doctor when I was born. I definitely have had shortness of breath and trouble breathing. I remember researching in the past about deviated nasal septum and surgery to fix it, however my mother stopped me. So I've forgotten a lot of those details. Feeling my nose physically, the inside of my left nostril is much smaller than the right. Sometimes I have to breath through my mouth to get enough air and it can make my jaw feel sore and ache. Heaven for me would be where I can breathe automatically, not manually, without having to pay any attention to it. "Your brain is not working anymore" my mother tells me.


```Genesis 2:7 NRSVue then the LORD God formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. ```


I wish I was able breath through my nostrils the breath of life normally. And, idiomatically speaking, that I'm given breathing room without my mother regularly breathing down my back. It is 1:15 AM. Though I am physically weak, I rest assured, knowing that all shall breathe the breath of permanent life, by faith in the LORD God Christ only.





It’s 1:28 AM October 20th 2023 as I type this. I’m conducting focus group questions for the client SCE LifeWorks, an organization that helps people with intellectual disabilities seek employment.


When interviewing my mother she says: “Wait don’t type yet. How can they get a new job? How can they get a new job? … Don’t type that. Wait.”


Then during my father’s interview he says “I’ve never ever thought of that. Never had a reason to think about that. I guess I don’t have any involvement”


Then my sister, in the younger age group interview, says “I don’t know ok ask it again I don’t know like I never heard of I never had the need to search it up this is my first time hearing out it. I’m not sure if this is something that I was supposed to research before this interview.”


These 4 interviews transcripts I typed up make up 9789 words across 24 pages. [Edit: Plus an interview this morning from my uncle, so 5 now Oct 20 2023 10:57 AM]. Would be a lot to include it all, so I purposely selected some of the more amusing sections.


Then comes my grandfather’s interview, from my father’s side, who is 77 years old who says “When you put a limitation on yourself you put a limitation on the unlimited ability of God’s work in you”. Oh yeah, he’s Christian btw, so we ended up talking about theology. “Bottom line is you are a product of your environment” he tells me and I agree with this.

Intellectual disability can be caused by a problem that starts any time before a child turns 18 years old – even before birth”. This CDC article tells us that it’s not just genetic inheritance, but also the way a person is raised, which determines whether a person has or can develop an intellectual disability.


I don’t think it’s fair for Infernalists/Annihlationists to have discrimination against them when it comes to whether they believe in Christ to be permanently saved before or after death. As the above CDC article puts it, “Intellectual disability is a term used when there are limits to a person’s ability to learn at an expected level and function in daily life.” What if a person with an intellectual disability is limited in their ability to learn about Christianity in their daily life? And yet they’re somehow expected to believe within the same time frame as those without intellectual disabilities? How is that fair?


```Romans 14:8 NRSVue If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. ```


Is it fair to discriminate against people with intellectual disabilities, just because they didn’t believe in Christ before they died? Because did not Christ die, buried and was resurrected? So, death is obviously a non-barrier for salvation! Christ wants everyone to believe in Him! So why not just keep waiting until everyone does?








Disclaimer: According to my own personal subjectively biased opinion maybe what I think I guess as a Hard Determinist myself:





I imagine God is a God of efficiency. His desire to save us all 1 Timothy 2:4 is so strong that He has taken the fastest possible route that involves our Universal Reconciliation. Since Free Will is defined as having the ability to choose between different possible courses of action, this means the existence of any sort of Free Will on our part, no matter how small, interrupts God’s world record personal best 100% completionist speedrun. Therefore, the Will of God, Theistic Determinism, is Absolute Efficiency. Think of a TAS, a Tool Assisted Speedrun, and notice how every single frame is optimized to be as fast as possible. Every action, decision, thought and desire has all be predetermined in advance. Some may notice I like to say something’s a “predetermined event” quite often, but what I find really funny is that I can literally call any event a predetermined event. So I guess you can argue it’s redundant lol.


This might surprise some, but I find Free Will to be a very scary concept. If humans truly did have “infinite possibilities” then imagine, at this very second, an infinite number of potential timelines of people suffering concurrently to our own. Even if humans just had “two possibilities” then that literally doubles the amount of Timeline Potential Suffering.


I believe that God’s character means that the existence of unnecessary hardship must be impossible. My personal issue with Free Will is that, it means that God let a person take an unoptimal course of action. My view is that anything that happens in God’s plan is because of God’s will. If something unaccounted for is able to occur, then that makes me feel very afraid. No matter how small, even the slightest irregularity, the most insignificantly small variable will extrapolate into a chaotic mess within an eternity of Heaven. Therefore, I define Free Will from a theological perspective as any action that God does not control.


I find it personally comforting knowing that we are living in the best timeline. That we are experiencing the least amount of pain, only the absolute exact level of suffering that is required for us to build the necessary character we need for the afterlife. God is the source of evil, yes, therefore He must control it’s every aspect. If God is unable to tame even the most microscopic hair of the beast of darkness, then that’s a crack in the system. A hole that, given an infinite amount of time, will most certainly inevitably swallow us whole. Thus, I argue that, for the sake of all our future happiness in Heaven, Free Will must absolutely not exist.












I think you’re a scary person at times” I say to my infernalist mother who was screaming at my sister on the phone around 9:56 PM Oct 20 2023. “If she doesn’t do this everything will be fine” she says so I calmly reply “Well, even if she didn’t do this random thing you don’t want her to do, you’re still the type of person who gets angry too easily.”


Of course I have to get mad!” my mother shouts back. My sister is staying at her friends house and my mother wants to ban my sister from all sleepovers. My mother asks if I’m thinking about my sisters safety. I tell my mother that it makes sense why my sister wants to stay away from my mother because of my mother’s abusive behavior in the past. “Why did she go there!” she screams at me. My mother tells me that she has not the one who poisoned my sister’s mind but rather other people “Don’t blame on me! You have to see that these people are the ones ruining her life” “And you have been negatively affecting [sister’s name] life for years” I reply.


My mother says that she’s been praying something. She asks if you would leave a child outside at night, but I reply to her telling her that she’s at a friends house. There are many places that I consider much safer than in the household of an emotionally violent mother. “They can poison her and she will not die right away!” my mother describes the harm her friends could cause to her. Obviously, there’s a risk, as with many things in life, but considering her mother’s mistreatment of my sister for years, I see staying with my mother as a far greater risk 


That’s the reason why she stayed there at the school! They’re not thinking about her safety! They told [sister’s name] to wait at the school!” she shouts. it seems they were at the school around 6:00 PM. “Does she want me to die!?” my mother says on the wooden stairs behind me. I tell her that I don’t want her to die and ask her why she assumes her daughter would want that. I don’t think my sister wants that either. I also don’t think the LORD God wants anyone to die a permanent death. All will have faith alone in the LORD God Christ and thus gain permanent life.


```Proverbs 26:21 As charcoal is to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife. ```


My mother says that she knows of the quotes I write about her and I describe to her that I make it obvious because I’ve been plainly telling her about it.


And my mother says that I will have a problem with one of my children and that will be the payback for what I’m doing to her. “Everything has a payback. That should not go out to anybody” and I tell her “Should I not expose the abuse in order to keep my sister safe?” so she says “You will see there’s a payback for that. I’m not telling anyone about our problems here. I’m not telling anyone”. People who are being abused have the right to share their experiences of being abused, even though the abuser is against the sharing of these experiences.



And maybe that’s the reason why these problems have continued for so long, because you have refused to share it with others.” I tell her thus she replies “So mark this day that I tell you that you will realize someday what you’re doing is not supposed to be you’re not supposed to be doing that and right now you will not realize that but when you get older and you get wiser you realize it” she tells me. Because of these stories that I have shared I have been able to get support from people online, therefore I do not regret it. I continue to vent about these issues, because the keep happening over and over again. That’s why I timestamp these. I type these as the conflict occurs. It also serves as a memory to myself. Because I have forgotten much of my childhood. As a reminder of myself of my mother’s abusive acts, so I don’t fall for the same traps again.


In my perspective I spent like an hour or two with my friends because it’s a Friday and I spent the rest of this day studying. This conversation is insulting and I don’t want to continue it anymore. I came in here being all happy. At the end of the day this isn’t a big deal and I don’t want to tell you things because you get mad about these things. … I spent over 5 hours studying just sitting and studying of course I want to do something else after that.” My sister says, she has returned 10:35 PM. I agree with my sister here, I honestly don’t’ see anything inherently wrong with just hanging out with friends.


I don’t want you guys to realize your mistakes when I’m dead! Even if you cry no one’s going to hear you” my mother tells the both of us. “I can see your future guys. I can see your future. If there’s still a future” she continues. But does not the LORD hear all our cries?


```Psalm 34:17 NRSVue When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and rescues them from all their troubles. ```


Everything I’m telling you. Put the date. Mark the date! This will happen. Put the date. If you’re writing it [my name] make sure you’re writing it correctly, every single thing. Mark this day! That I am telling you. You will have a problem with your children the same way like this and I don’t know how you’ll handle it. Today’s generation. This generation is getting worse. It’s worse. It’s worse than my generation.”. I don’t see the point in randomly discriminating against a person just because they’re a particular generation. But, since my mother is so insistent on having her words be remembered, here they are, my friends, for all of you to see.


I hope I don’t die of heartattack. I hope I don’t die today. Because things here will be in ruin. Everything. Everything will be in in ruin here. This house will be ruined. You know how important the household has a mother.” my mother says through sobbing. My sister replies “You hurt me” saying of the time when she was crying and being shouted at by her mother. “It’s stuff like this that make me not happy to be home. I’m making my life fuller. You know who’s ruining it sometimes, you.” my sister says to my mother. “You’re not gentle, you’re not understanding” my sister says to my mother.





There I was singing karaoke with my sister singing too and my mother was there. It was after an online church service we attended today and it was a lot of fun! My sister and I love our mother still. We forgive her. That's why we were hugging her, telling her how much we care for her. The server quote I mentioned yesterday happened already in the past. I vented, my sister vented. It's done. It's toxic to hold on to grudges.


So today, Oct 22 2023 Sunday my mother has once again asked me to talk to who she calls my "Discord friends" about our family situation. Both my sister and my mother are my very close friends, it's been this way for years. When one friend is hurting another friend, it's necessary to help stop that hurtful behavior. Because my mother is hurting herself I write this post to give her comfort. This may surprise some, but my mother has read posts from this Christian Universalists Discord server before. I see no reason to stop her from learning, there are useful resources on here after all. When the hurtful behavior has stopped, why continue holding a grudge? It's wrong.


If another incident arises, I can type about it. But now that things have calmed down, I bless my mother with great peace. There are many sins, evil deeds and mistakes I have made in the past that I wish to move on from. "Do unto others what you want others to do to you". I wish to be forgiven from those errors swiftly, therefore let me forgive the transgressions of others quickly.


Matthew 7:1-2 NRSVue Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.


Therefore let us follow this command and not judge,

κρίνετε (krinete) Strong's 2919 other people otherwise we will be judged κριθῆτε (krithēte) Strong's 2919.


I don't judge my mother for her past she went through, that's out of her control. She suffered so much growing up because of the cult she was in, the physical abuse she experienced. Therefore, let me not judge her by what she experiences in the future as well, for she is a product of her environment and if I grew up in that environment I would literally act in the exact same way. That is why, as the verse says, those who judge others bring judgment to themselves. Notice how the same κρίνω (krinó) root is used, Strong's 2919, just with different verb conjugations. Any human could have theoretically been any other human. Our souls are just in these particular bodies because God planned it. That's it.


I notice many waste so much time in trying to judge who is a quote-on-quote Christian or not. "Did this come from a Christian TM source?" they may say. I don't care. Good information is good, regardless of where it comes from!


Younger infernalist me had committed the sin of being judgmental many times, out of fear of people burning in hell forever. That's the bad fruit created from that belief, being judgmental.


But with Chrisian Universalism, everyone's going to be Christian anyways. Why judge someone for just getting randomly luckier and believing in Christ sooner or later? It's bad and pointless.


If a person refuses to be friends with someone just because they're an "atheist" or a "different religion" then they also commit the sin of judging a person based on their past. If someone refuses to be friends with person because they think they won't continue to fit their subjective definition of a "True Christian TM", then they commit the sin of judging a person based on their future.


My view. If someone says they're a Christian, they're a Chrisian. If someone says they're not a Christian, they're not a Christian. I'll take their word for it. A friend is a friend. I ain't God, I don't know what's in peoples hearts anyways, so it's literally impossible for me to get a completely accurate picture.


Thus I bless my mother, my friend, with great joy in the past, present and future. Because of Christian Universalism I feel I have learned to be able to love my mother much more and I am grateful.


So yeah, don't judge me that I typed out this whole post on my phone while sitting on the toilet lol








"No matter how enjoyable your conversation is, no matter how interesting you don't know these people. Don't trust them so much" my mother tells me around 4:03 PM Oct 23 Monday because she heard me on a voice call with my friends. Both my mother and I do work from home, but sometimes we have to go for physical meetings too. My sister is physically at school and my father physically at work. Such as where I'm heading off to now. I type this on my phone while eating.


When I was on the Christian Universalists Discord server before, I think I was, to an extent, possibly fooled by my mother's rhetoric. Perhaps part of the reason why I did not socialize much on that server for months. But then I hit the sudden realization that my mother wanted me to stop communicating with people about Christianity on Discord, to stop even studying the Bible on my own. Her viewpoint was so extreme that it made me realize I should stop mindlessly obeying her every action and trying to suck up to her.


```Romans 12:16 NRSVue

Live in harmony with one another; do not be arrogant, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. ```


Despite it being a "Discord" server, I think there is harmony

φρονοῦντες (phronountes)

Strong's 5426: there. The concordance uses the term's "I direct the mind to", (mods), "I think" (users), "I observe" (lurkers), "I care for" (all of y'all).


If my infernalist mother wants me to stop spreading Christian Universalism then she's going to have to try a lot harder than this! Because even if I am ever silenced, I trust the people of the Christian Universalists Discord server to continue spreading Christian Universalism, I believe in them. Therefore, all people shall believe in Jesus Christ and thus gain permanent life. Amen.





Today before 2:35 PM CDT Oct 25 2023 I was connecting many of my alt accounts to Discord via Connections. It made me realize how much I’ve changed as a person in just a few years. Why then, are infernalists and annihlationists so adamant to set death as the cut off when a person can have faith alone in Christ to be permanently saved?

```Ecclesiastes 3:1 NRSVue For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven: ```


RaidenShogunFan” “HonkaiStarRailer” “HaroldSamson” now “JSA”. You could say that each online username I had represented a different “self” of myself. Another character arc, another season of an anime. So I believe that God will give enough time וְעֵ֥ת (wə·‘êṯ) Strong's 6256, for everyone to go through their character developpment.




October 25 2023, before 10:19 PM I was on a voice call with my friends from the Christian Universalists Discord Server.


I heard knocking on the side of the wall. My infernalist mother was listening to this conversation without my permission, when I said that I was 22 years old to a person online. I was inside of my blue bedroom with the blue door closed. I ended the call eventually and then my mother began shouting at me. I was not talking much and answering her calmly, because I love her, though I am against her abusive behavior.


She tells me that I’m not a Christian, that I’m just faking it. That I’m a liar. And she tells me that God will punish me, and repeats it. She tells me she will pray even. “You’ll get your punishment, I’m telling you” my mother says. She was grabbing my SanDisk Extension Portable SSD 2TB and was trying to threaten me as though she was going to pull it out of my black Intel Core i5 vPro 8th Gen hp Elitedesk PC.


She suddenly grabbed my black IPhone with “OtterBOX” case and switched it between hands, behind her, keeping it away from me. This was in the basement with the light blue walls. She took it from me without my permission, but I was luckily able to get it back.


I was typing one handed with my left hand, while my right hand grabbed my book I was reading, because my mother was trying to pull it away from me. When I let my right hand off it, she would try to suddenly grab it from me. She tells me that I’m claiming to be a Christian when I’m not, saying that I’m not smart enough. She is emotionally violent.


```Psalm 140:1 NRSVue Deliver me, O Lord, from evildoers; protect me from those who are violent, ```


My mother asks me how I will protect my family. I quietly reply in a scared voice saying that the Lord will protect us and that I trust in Him. I believe the Lord will protect all people, thus all will believe in Christ and be permanently saved. I am afraid of my mother, but I would still like to be her friend, even though she is a family abuser. She is the source of my decade of suffering, my religious trauma, and she continues to traumatize me with her narcissistic behavior, but I show her kindness and forgive her. She is a product of her environment; from the physical abuse she suffered growing up.


I had to grab my Lenovo black mouse with red mouse wheel too because she tried to take it from me. My mother says I will be punished by God, saying “You will be responsible for all of this”. It is 10:43 PM CDT. My head hurts, it feels tight. Just another day with my mother. I had to close my Word Document tab, because I could feel my mother watching me from behind me. She tells me she’s going to have a long prayer and that she’s going to my bedroom to pray. It’s 10:49 PM CDT.




My mother starts talking to me yesterday Thursday 2:45 PM Oct 26 2023 as we are upstairs after I took a shower. She tells me the people that I talk to could be convicted and have criminal records. I do not have a criminal record. I don't care if someone has a criminal record or not. People's pasts are their pasts, they could be a completely different person. Or convicted wrongly of something. Or went to jail for a good reason. Or are a product of their environment out of their control. Etc. etc.  Unfortunately, not loving someone just because of some random human made criminal record placed on them breeds being judgmental to others, which is especially bad since you don't know the full story of why a person would have a criminal record to begin with. Like stereotyping


"They could appear so interested in your conversation but you don't know who they are" my mother tells me.


She tells me that this is worse then when she was looking through my sister's phone messages without her permission. I tell her I am against her doing that.


"That's so scary I'm really upset I'm really worried about it" my mother says. She is angry because I talk about my own personal life to people online.


My mother says to me "Be smart... be wise... I want you to be wise... And then these people, you don't know what they're gonna plan in the future. ... Until they get your trust. You're gonna trust them so much. They're going to look like they really like you. There's a lot of fake people now online, don't you know. You should know that, there's a lot of news about that too. If you Google that. There's a lot of cases like that. People look like they're good people when they're not. They're pretending their good friends; they get what you really want to do. They can really tell. They know how old you are, they know how to trick you. ... Tricking you! I thought you're the one thats gonna protect this family. You're the brother. We cannot rely on you anymore. What we gonna rely? Who? Who's gonna protect us when papa's gone?"


"They have that interior motive" my mother says, I think she means ulterior motive.


I trust the people online from the Christian Universalists Discord server. And I also trust that Christian Universalism is true, that all people, online and offline, alive and dead, shall become believers in Christ and thus gain permanent salvation.


``` Psalm 56:4 NRSVue In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I am not afraid; what can flesh do to me? ```





9:19 PM Oct 26 2023 Thursday, my mother comes downstairs and tries again to get me to stop talking with users from the Christian Universalists Discord server, going on another one of her long winded rants saying "You don't tell people anything about you. Cause they're gonna use that to their advantage, that's the logic to that. ... They're gonna use that against you. They will use that to win your trust. They're gonna be like sympathize. Like oh yeah I understand this is what. But really they're gonna trap you. That's why me even though we have problems in the house I don't tell people. They'll say that's the kind of family I have. Do you think they would care? They're just gonna tell people who you are. And that's embarrassing. Embarrass you. It's gonna bounce back to you. When you're speaking to people you need to be very very smart. You need to think fast. That's why you don't give information. The hard thing here is if that person chatting has a criminal background. Or someone who is ISIS. You just don't know! They can pretend! Especially if they have the ability to come to different places, that more scary. Yeah they interested to talk to, very interested. Like someone about to kill you they're gonna give you food that's really tasty like you're really gonna like it. You have to be very very careful, you don't trust people. ... What is this twisted? Why is this going reversed? You should use your logic. You should practice sensing danger because sensing danger is something that you learned it's not just gonna come to you. Danger is not like something you can ahead of you. Especially nowadays everything is online. You have to see danger. You have to be able to detect that. If you cannot detect that, I don't know what is wrong. That means something wrong with your Christianity. That's a fake Christian. You should have guidance from God. If you're a real Christian, you should have guidance." End of my mother’s quote.


In my mother's cruel self-righteous attitude, she falsely thinks those who do not fit into her arbitrary requirements are not quote-on-quote "true" Christians. As if it were up to her to decide! And what's her reasoning? Because someone can't detect danger? That makes no sense. My view is simple. If someone tells me they're a Christian, then I say to them that they are a Christian. Still, her unkind words hurt me.


```Exodus 15:13 NRSVue In your steadfast love you led the people whom you redeemed; you guided them by your strength to your holy abode. ```


Does not the LORD God desire to guide aka lead aka transport נָחִ֥יתָ (nā·ḥî·ṯā) Strong's 5148 all people to permanent safety? Both Christians and non-Christians? All, who are either believers in Christ currently or upcoming believers in Christ? Whether someone's a Christian now or later, Universal Reconciliation with the LORD God is an inevitable event, as He guides all of us towards Him, just as we all were created by Him.






Oct 28 2023 around 1:46 PM Saturday while I was fixing the channel permissions on the Christian Universalists Discord Server, my mother was trying to stop my sister from making plans to pursue mechanical engineering in the future, saying all sorts of sexists remarks. What right does my mother think she has to control the entire life of a person? To take away their whole future?


My sister's good at math, I'd say, well, she's a lot better at it than me I think. Does she view her own daughter as her competition, hence the attempts of sabotage? Under infernalism/annihilationism, how can we ever live a life of peace here on Earth when our fates are treated like a game of sport. Who's going to be saved? Who's going to be lost? It leaves no room for grace.



```John 1:16 NRSVue From his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. ```


Because of the fullness of grace 

χάριν (charin) Strong's 5485: From chairo; graciousness, so too must it be received by the fullness of all creation through reconciliation with God through Christ by belief in Him given by Him.





Around 1:34 PM today October 30th 2023 my mother tells me she worked in a factory. I remember in the past, she told me she had a coworker who was a friend and they had a disagreement over what the temperature should be. And this was the reason why they stopped being friends with each other.


So that story gave me a particular mindset towards disagreements. But when I think about, was it really the disagreement itself that lead to their friendship ending? Or moreso, the way they handled it. Because I think people can still respectfully disagree on something. For many Christian Universalists, sometimes the only thing that they can all agree on is that all will be saved by Christ.


```2 Timothy 2:23 NRSVue Have nothing to do with stupid and senseless controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. ```


Controversies ζητήσεις (zētēseis) here can also be interpreted as Strong's 2214: A question, debate, speculation; a seeking, search. From zeteo; a searching, i.e. A dispute or its theme. As I mentioned before, my mother is the type of person who regularly quarrels with others. So maybe it was just a mismatch of personality types? I think, if people are kinder to each other, they would be able to exist despite disagreements in theology and scripture interpretation and still remain friends. If I stopped being friends with someone because I personally disagreed with them something random, I don’t think I would have any friends!


Still I appreciate the diversity too in Universalism spaces, it makes for interesting dialogue. I’ve held so many views, many of which have changed as I’ve been presented with new information, that I would be shocked if something literally agreed with every single one of them. And even if they somehow did, I end up changing my interpretations of certain Bible verses that I don’t know if they would follow my same route either.


Overall, I think a person should be friends with a person for the sake of the person themselves. Our knowledge is constantly fluctuating and changing, maybe sometimes they’ll match, or overlap, and othertimes be completely seperated from each other. But if we’re only friends with someone just because they just so happen to agree with the same things of us, then we fall into the trap of basing our friendship on a fleeting temporal construct.






 Thanks Lake! Great reply from you as usual as well my friend. You make a good point. If all our ways of thinking were entirely the same as one another, then I think that would inherently limit our growth, which requires some sort of change. That's why I don't think we'll all be a bunch of copy-paste robot clones in the afterlife. I believe we'll at least retain our own individuality and unique personality.




This morning Oct 31 2023 Tuesday there was a person speaking IRL and they spoke of how gender is a social construct which is different from biological sex, which I agree with. A simple proof of this is how different cultures express gender differently, and how gender has changed throughout history


I remember how an LGBTQIA+ member on Discord DMed me months ago asked me how gender would work in Heaven. I affirm people changing their gender. But it makes me wonder what framework gender would be based off of in paradise? Because two people from different eras, different cultures, could have completely different interpretations of, say, for example, the social constructs of masculinity, femininity, etc.


```Galations 3:28 NRSVue There is no longer Jew or Greek; there is no longer slave or free; there is no longer male and female, for all of you are one in Christ Jesus. ```


On Earth, society’s view of gender is constantly changing. What I posit personally is that, for this to carry over to Heaven, then that means that Heaven itself would also be constantly changing. So in order for the social construct of gender to exist in Heaven, then Heaven must not be static.


This is just me theorizing here, by the way. Because who knows if the social construct of gender will even exist in Heaven? Since gender is a societal phenomonen than that means it’s based off of the society of Earth while we are on Earth. But who can say what the social constructs of Heaven will be? Who can say what the society of Heaven will be like?


I’m an AMAB gender fluid person and sometimes I feel like being a girl othertimes I feel like being non-binary. But I can say for certainty right now that my gender expression does not 100% match me being assigned as a male at birth. So I at least have that understanding. Still, I don’t know for sure what my own gender identity has been and is, so I just use the pronouns he/him/they/them currently out of personal preference. This is a general concept I’ve thought of for months and, hearing this person IRL talk about it, made me decide to type out my own personal theorizing here as today’s quote.


Regardless though, there’s nothing wrong with being transgender. And I fully support trans rights. All people, regardless of whether they have a gender identtiy or do not, will become believers in Christ and thus gain permanent life. Though my own understanding of societal aspects is constantly changing, what is constant is the love that God has for all of us. And I believe He is also patient with us. I’m sure He will give us more understanding through grace as time goes on.






Today Nov 11 2023 before 1:55 PM there was a new user who had just joined the Christian Universalists server who immediately began to question the validity of trans Christians. The simple truth is that trans Christians are Christians, I affirm them. The cruel part is that they directed this towards a trans Christian friend of mine on the server. It hurts because they have already suffered so much.


Do transphobic people hate transgender people so much that even their mere existence is a threat to them? Another simple truth is that people do not choose to be trans, they are born that way. Many transphobes are also homophobes and say that “people choose to be gay” which is wrong. People are born gay.


It reminds me of another Discord friend of mine who is also a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. I was lucky to have the opportunity to show them what Christian Universalism was and they became a Christian because of it. Growing up as a gay teenager in an atheist household, they held the view that all Christians were bigots. What made them believe in Christ? My affirmation of them.


Now, these Christian transphobes and homophobes are certainly bigots, but it shows just how damaging their behavior is. It literally prevents people from seeing the light of the Gospel! Being trans is not a sin. Being gay is not a sin. And holding a viewpoint that says otherwise literally bears bad fruit!


```James 3:18 NRSVue And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. ```


This gay teenager told me that it must have been fate that we met and thanked me for spreading God’s message, saying how if it weren’t for the Discord Servers I travelled through, the borderline verbal abuse that I experienced in them, that I wouldn’t have been able to find them and help them, saying that with their full chest they now truly believe in Jesus Christ. That was just this year in fact. Bigotry kept them from seeing the light of the Gospel, of Christian Universalism.


So to those of you who face verbal abuse online because you are LGBTQIA+ or an affirming ally, know that you are doing a great service to the Lord Jesus Christ. Truly, you bear good fruit, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. God bless :)





Nov 2 2023 around 6:22 PM my infernalist mother comes downstairs and grabs me and starts shaking me while I am sitting in my black chair. She asks if I am possessed by the devil. I cough and she says that I could die from my cough. I wasn’t even telling her anything here and she was still going after me. Assuming that the devil’s a rational being, I think even he will be saved eventually, as well as all other rational beings who will become believers in Christ.

```Romans 11:32 NRSVue For God has imprisoned all in disobedience so that he may be merciful to all. ```


The strategy I was using here, which I’ve used for years, is “grey-rocking” which involves giving short answers and hiding emotional reactions. It hasn’t stopped my mother’s emotional abuse, but it helps me conserve energy. No matter what, my mother’s going to be using me as a sponge to lash out on. I might as well take in that abuse efficiently, I guess.


Of course, inside of me I still feel tense. So, on the outside, I try to keep up this look of being calm. Just enduring until it’s over with, not engaging with her unnecessarily, to reduce my stress. But it’s so hard when she keeps going at it again and again. Just imagining or even thinking about her presence can make me feel like this… bodily shaking on the inside? It’s hard to describe.


Like, I still have this habit of looking behind me. Sometimes I think my mother’s watching me, and I turn around and she’s not there. But other times I’m right, as shown by a recent incident where I literally felt like I was being watched without needing to see her behind me at first. So, when I turned around and literally, there she was, hiding behind an object, watching me, without saying anything, and I expected it. But it’s still very unsettling.





This morning, Nov 5 2023 before 1:42 PM, I sent an email to the local church my mother, father, sister and I attend so I can join my sister in the Christmas Choir. To some, it might just be an email, but I keep thinking about it and it makes me feel anxious. The two songs for this choir performance are: Lo, how a Rose e'er blooming (Praetorius)

and O Radiant Dawn by James MacMillan


I sung in choir in high school. I remember I really wanted to do the higher pitch range, but because apparently they said that I am male, that they wanted me to do the lower pitch parts, Alto or Tenor. What, is that apparently the role that “men” are supposed to take? If I was assigned female at birth, I don’t think they would have question me wanting to sing that higher pitch range like this. Maybe I could have sung in a higher pitch range in choir back then…

Even years later today, I would have liked to do counter-tenor for this choir, but I’m already preparing myself for them to say like “Oh we see you as a male so you have to do these lower parts”. I have not seen a reply from them yet, so I don’t know what they will say. I feel worried.


Look I do love singing… in a higher pitch range, for me that’s where I’m more comfortable, natural and what even my mom has said that I sound way better at. That wasn’t just a phase I had as a kid, or puberty. I’ve sung like this for years! The problem here is that, I quite literally sing much better with a high pitch than a lower pitch. I personally don’t even like really low pitch singing and I suck at it. But because I was assigned male at birth, what, am I now just stuck singing in a way I dislike for the rest of my life? Because of what!? Some random rules created by society!? Why put a limit on how we worship God!?

In this world, apparently what range of voice a person quote-on-quote “should” sing at is dictated by something as random as what gender a person is assigned at birth, AMAB for me, AFAB for my sister. So, if I must, I will take on the role of tenor so I can be there for my sister, just like how I take on the role of “he/him”, of “brother”. God saves all people, whether they want to sing soprano, alto, tenor or bass, only belief in Christ is necessary. And all people will sing praises to the Lord of His Universal Salvation.


```1 Chronicles 16:23 NRSVue Sing to the Lord, all the earth. Tell of his salvation from day to day. ```





Today Nov 6th Monday 2023 I got an email from my former Dr. boss, the one I talked about My Little Pony with. He said he’s scheduled a meeting about grad school to me with a literal Dean of one of Canada’s top ranking research-intensive University. Brony power I guess.


For some people this may sound like “good news”, but for me it’s a hassle. Like… I get that he liked the research work I did for him, saying my research but I’ve told him about my family situation, the difficulties that exist if I were to even go to grad school.


My lore’s already super complicated as is, but let me try to explain this incredibly complex situation.


Alright. So, way it works, my former Dr. boss is trying to get my 2 other reference letters from his Dr. colleagues. 3 in total. Problem is, one of them dislikes the University of Manitoba’s grad school program (located in the city where I’m in). So, I’m not sure if they’d be willing to give me a letter for it.


Further, my former Dr. boss wants me to apply for grad schools all over Canada, saying it’ll increase my chances of getting in. He probably wants me to apply at this top ranking one with this Dean, since that’s where he studied.


The difficulty is that’ll mean I have to leave my sister, who is a Universalist, to be alone with my Infernalist mother and Infernalist father. Now my father, he’s not really involved in the family. A time he just ended up rehashing what my mother said. So, if I leave, what would he do to protect his daughter, what has he done now? Will he just rehash what my mother has said again? Like, how can I, in good conscience, even be able to focus on my studies away from here if my sister’s going to be getting abused by my mother at the same time. 


Before me are two paths. On one, maybe I could become a Ph.D myself. I could be rich, famous, popular, academically intelligent, respected among the elite, but on the other is the wellbeing of my sister. How can I sacrifice her safety, just for what, my own pursuits? I don’t know how I would be able to live with that guilt. I still feel regret when I think of the time I tried to run away before by myself. I can’t just abandon her! No matter the wealth, social status or power I could achieve.


I still remember that time when she told me, that she wanted to be away from our mother… the time where she said she wanted to live with me. If I could afford my own house, I’d gladly let her stay their rent free and take care of the house for her. But how would I be able to with the debt of a master’s program, of a doctorate, weighing down on me? Because I’d certainly have to take out a loan. And for the sake of my younger self, who cried and dreamed of being able to escape from the abuse his mother gave him, I would like to avoid unnecessary delays if possible.


I’ve analyzed so many different scenarios, thinking of some way where both can exist, but I just can’t see it. I’ve thought about this for months, and there’s many more factors in this that I haven’t even mentioned here.


So 10:27 PM today I sent the email telling the Dean about my availability.


And 10:28 PM today I tried to recall the email. My mother and I panicked because all that time we spent reviewing the email, neither of us caught that we spelled his name wrong! We forgot a letter at the end. So, there I was quickly searching online how to unsend a message on Outlook. From the BCC, it has now also sent the message [my email] would like to recall the message, "Grad School Chat". Auggghhhh. And the recall report reads “Messages to recipients outside your organization or on-premises can't be recalled” since I was using my former work email for this. What will I say to this Dean, who has over 50 academic publications in his name?


And then later, there is another incident started by my mother. “I’m confused what you’re going on about mama. I don’t like what you’re saying… what caused this… what are you so concerned about.” my sister tells my mother. “That’s why I don’t want to start it” my mother replies, to which my sister says “It came from something. No what. You don’t want to say it but now I know anyways. So at least be honest.”


So, I add in my commentary calling out my mother for making my sister tired. “You cannot see that because you guys are not my parents. When you’ve become a parent and when you’ve matured, then you’ll know what I’m talking about”. The flaw with that logic is like saying how the only people who are allowed to criticize the police are police officers, or the only ones allowed to condemn military groups are those in the military. Another manipulation tactic, an excuse, for her to avoid listening to our advice.


I’m tired. Let me be tired. Allow me to be tired. Yeah and you’re making me feel like it’s wrong. …You’re making it feeling like it’s wrong” my sister says and I agree. “You have to pinpoint where it’s coming from, what’s causing it” I tell my mother that it’s her comments that are making my sister tired.


I’m sorry you don’t have people you talk to” my sister says. “What!” my mother replies, so my sister tells her. “I’m sorry you don’t have people you talk to. Please let me live mama… then drop it, then drop it. Let me be tired.”


This incident further reinforces my viewpoint that I cannot go to grad school. But one viewpoint that I still have though is the universal salvation of all creation, for all to become believers in Christ and be reconciled with God. No matter how complicated things may get in life, whether that be from school or work, I believe that there is a happy ending for all of us. Rest, for all who are tired.


```Matthew 11:28 NRSVue Come to me, all you who are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. ```


My mother is the sort of person who will make you feel tired and then complain that you look tired. I’m tired because of her. To you my mother, who has taken away my potential, I forgive you and I love you.




Today Nov 7th 2023 Tuesday around 12:20 PM I was talking with a Ph.D researcher and she told me that small informal groups exert the greatest social influence on our individual concept of the self.


Source: Eugenia C. Wu, Sarah G. Moore, and Gavan J. Fitzsimons, "Wine for the Table: Self-Construal, Group Size, and Choice for Self and Others," Journal of Consumer Research, vol. 6, no.3, (December 2018),


Yes, it’s our friends, not necessarily our family members, that shape the social knowledge structures we rely on for our beliefs and values the most. We can certainly be friends with our relatives, but who our siblings are, our parents, is purely an external force, we don’t choose what family we’re born into.


Any “formal” group has an external force. If your co-worker tried to influence you to believe in a certain theological viewpoint, like Christian Universalism, where all shall have faith alone in Christ and thus all shall be saved, it would be less influential than a friend you chose to hang out with influencing you, because it’s the external force of your workplace that keeps you together.


When you’re someone’s friend, you’re their friend because you want to be their friend. That internal force from your self is what makes it “informal”. You don’t talk with them because a workplace meeting or family gathering forces you to, but because you genuinely enjoy their company! The reason my sister cried tears of joy when I showed her the Gospel of Universal Reconciliation, why she was influenced, was not because I was her brother, but because I was her friend.


Influence is thus like a glue that holds group together. In a friend group of 3, your opinions hold 33.333…% influential power as opposed to only 10% with a group of 10.


So, if you truly want to convince someone that Christian Universalism is true, as posited by the psychological framework posited by this Ph.D researcher I spoke with, the most optimal way would be through a smaller informal group setting, such as personally talking to people as friends on Discord, rather than forcing them to believe through the use of external power by some organization. This goes for, really, any theological concept. And even beyond that, any idea you want people to believe in. This is the power of friendship, I guess… or more accurately the power of love, which is the strongest influencer.

Frēond, the Old English source of Modern English friend, is related to the Old English verb frēon, "to love,


```1 Corinthians 13:1-3 NRSVue If I speak in the tongues of humans and of angels but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions and if I hand over my body so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing. ```


So, remember. You may have the greatest academic and scholarly knowledge in the world. You may hold the answers to some of the biggest mysteries in life. But if you have no love, who then will listen to you?



Shower thought I had, but I realized wanted to add a disclaimer here that my writing above was from a psychological standpoint. For those who are curious, my own personal Hard Determinism (D true, no FW) metaphysical commentary would be that, both the internal force of the inner self and the external force that comes from the other outside selves come from God. It is the “inner self” given to us by God which controls who we feel like we want to be friends with. Some researchers like to group the term of the “inner self” as an umbrella term, theorizing the possibility of different selves, like the social self, the familial self, the occupational self, etc. And again, I see all those “selves” as being shaped in advance before our “physical self” was earthly birthed, those selves were the selves that ourselves were always meant to be. See selves see shelves sea shells by the sea shore.




More anger from my mother, Nov 7th 2023 before 9:46 PM. But this time, she tells me stories from her past living in Metro Manila in the Philippines. When she was 7 years old, she fell into a manhole without a cover, but luckily her sister caught her. She says that’s where she got a phobia. So, she went through multiple floods. She would walk through black dirty water going to the University, and since she couldn’t see the ground, she would use her foot to feel her way through because she was scared of falling into another man hole again.


``` Psalm 93:3-4 The floods have lifted up, O Lord, the floods have lifted up their voice; the floods lift up their roaring. More majestic than the thunders of mighty waters, more majestic than the waves of the sea,   majestic on high is the Lord! ```


My mother also says it can be scary to rent an apartment because her dad in the Philippines had a key that let him access all the apartment rooms. There was a smell coming from one of the rooms and they discovered a dead body that had been there for a while. So, I understand where my mother’s anger comes from, from the fear she felt in her youth. She did what she could to survive in those horrible conditions and I wonder if her mind ever left that survival mindset. We are products of our environment after all, so I don’t fault someone whether they believe in Christ before they die or after. It’s up to God when He gives someone that faith, the timing’s on Him. So, I’m confident that the Lord will give that belief, that permanent salvation to everyone eventually.




Today Nov 8 Wed 2023 around 10;37 AM my Christian Universalist LGBT+ Affirming sister was talking with our Christian Infernalist mother who is homophobic, saying that our mother doesn't like my sister's friends because our mother has the perception that they are gay.


There's nothing inherently wrong with being gay. Not only does our mother have no right to judge people here, but also, does she even know who's gay or not? Does she even realize that I am gay? And that every time that she insults gay people she's really been insulting me, her son? Because people don't choose to be gay, they are born gay. There is no choice to sin, because there is no inherent choice and there is no inherent sin! Period.


Though I am an AMAB I had childhood crushes on men and women when I was around 12 years old while still in elementary school. I didn't even really understand what all these LGBTQIA+ terms meant back then. Only recently I learned of the "omniromantic" term. So how could I have ever possibly chosen to have those crushes when I didn't even understand what being omniromantic meant! Just like how straight people can naturally have crushes on the opposite gender, so too could omniromantic people naturally have crushes on multiple genders.

"Around the time they're able to attend elementary school, kids can experience their first crush. Some parents may feel blindsided by how early this can occur, but experts say it's perfectly normal. "

"How Not to Talk to Kids About Their Crush

I have watched counselors, principals, teachers and parents tell students to quit thinking about such things. Children are told that they are too young to have these feelings, and to focus on their schoolwork instead. This always amazes me. Does anyone truly believe that telling children to stop having these thoughts and feelings will work? If someone told me to stop liking chocolate, it would have absolutely no effect on my love for chocolate. It might prevent me from talking to that person about my chocolate cravings, though. This is exactly what happens when parents tell their children to stop focusing on romance. Children will stop opening up about these feelings, but the feelings are still present.


Telling children to stop having these thoughts and feelings is not only ineffective, but it may have some other adverse consequences. Think about the messages these children are receiving from adults. Children may begin to wonder whether it’s abnormal to experience a crush. They could potentially believe that something is inherently wrong with them. These self-doubts could lead to a lack of self-confidence and a lowered self-esteem. Adults will not be successful in shutting down amorous thoughts and feelings. In my opinion, they will only be successful at shutting themselves out of this part of the child’s life."


Homophobes may have imagined that last part as straight childhood crushes , but what about gay childhood crushes? Those are also perfectly normal. Don't you see the damage you parents cause shutting down something just because it's gay, by making gay people feel like there's something inherently wrong with them when there isn't!? By the way, I only cited these articles now at the time of typing this. So it's nice to have my gay feelings as a child personally validated as being perfectly normal.


So my mother's homophobia might be the reason why she wants to ban my sister from all sleepovers, because as my mother has described, she's afraid of lesbians. My mother has said that there was a lesbian that loved her in the past. God loves all who are queer and God loves that they are queer. All members of the LGBTQIA+ community shall believe in Christ and thus all shall be permanently saved.


```Romans 5:5 NRSVue and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. ```



Today Nov 9 2023 Thursday from 9:00 AM to 4:00 PM there was a planned power outage. So, my mother and I, we usually work from home, went around and unplugged a bunch of the electronics. After a while, we ended up having a long conversation with each other. We were both on the basement's wooden stairs, her on the upper seat with me on the lower.


She tells me that the "root of my madness” (this is the term she herself used to describe herself) is her desire to achieve success, saying that my sister and I should have an obsession for success. My infernalist mother says life is a game, and compares herself to my Dr. Boss who is trying to convince me to pursue a Ph.D even though it would mean abandoning my sister. She says the work term they hired me for was most likely an investment and now, if they get me to enroll in grad school, they will get the return on their investment. My mother calls this fate and I believe that me getting that job was a predetermined event. Because that Dr. Boss literally just walked up to me and said that he wanted me to work as a researcher for him, I just got lucky that he randomly chose me. 


My mother tells me that life is a competition and that people are like companies, they want to be on top. She speaks to me of her desires for us to have social status and fame saying that when we achieve success then she will be happy. That last line stood out to me. 


God has unconditional love for us and cares for all of His creation. That fact alone is enough to convince me that Christian Universalism must be true. God cares enough for us to be patient until we are all believers in Him, Christ.


```1 John 4:16 NRSVue And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. ```


I love my mother and so does my sister, and I see our mother as having love for us. But the severe trauma she experienced being physically abused by her father in the past gets in the way of that. Is my mother only happy for us whenever we meet her arbitrary definition of success? I hope she understands the unconditional love that God the Father has for her, which exists regardless of one's own success. I've tried chasing what she randomly classifies as success for years. And what have I gotten from it? Trauma, from her emotiona abuse. And how long will I have to keep chasing that success in order to please her? My whole life? She says that if we become failures then it will make her look like a failure, so it seems like she may only view us as extensions of herself.


At least my mother says that it's fine to be on my chats, as she calls it, I assume she means the Christian Universalists Discord Server. Though her reasoning being that I don't have much friends in real life and that it's mostly online. I mean... IRL I mostly just talk to my mom, sister and sometimes my dad. But beyond that, eh, idk it's not much. So, I'm grateful to have met you my friends. God bless.





Around 12:12 PM Nov 9 2023 Thursday, there was a Ph.D researcher speaking of the following psychological concepts, so I’ve framed it to relate to Christian Universalism, the concept that all shall believe in Christ and that all shall be permanently saved.


From the perspective of -> a Christian Universalist, there are 3 psychological groups

Aspirational Group = Who you want to be -> a more knowledgeable Christan Universalist

Membership Group = Who you are -> a Christian Universalist

Dissasociative Group = Who you don’t want to be -> a Christian Infernalist


Social Power = Your capacity to alter other people’s actions.


A social power does not exist without a reference group. A reference group does not exist without a social power. Social Power is an umbrella term that for different types of powers.


Referent Power = An Aspirational group’s power -> we want to be more knowledgeable Christian Universalists

Ex: Imagine you hear an opinion from someone you know is a Christian Infernalist, an Aspirational Group, and you don’t believe it because they are a Christian Infernalist, your Dissasociative Group. Now imagine you hear this same opinion again from a more knowledgeable Christian Universalist. Would you now be more likely to believe this opinion to be true, just because the source of the information has changed, though the information itself has remained the same?


Expert Power = An actual expert’s power -> a Christian Universalist expert

Ex: If a random person online were to say an opinion, you may be less likely to believe it. But if they source the Christian Universalist theologian David Bentley Hart (DBH)’s opinion on the matter, would you be more inclined to believe them purely on the appeal to this expert power?


Based on this, I personally don’t think that anybody really chooses what they believe in. Rather, we are all subject to social power from each other. Since conformity is defined as a change in beliefs or actions as a relation to a real or imagined group pressure, then we all, to a certain extent conform to powers. The Legitimate Power of government laws, the Information Power of sources we perceive as being more truthful or accurate than others, the Reward Power of having a person compliment you online for sharing their beliefs, the Coercive Power of being haunted by a message you sent because you are worried it could be perceived as controversial or may be misunderstood, so you keep going back to edit and rephrase it, or elaborate further on it.


Cognitively we may be aware of these mental shortcuts, these heuristics, we apply to our discussions, but subconsciously we are all controlled by our psychology, none of us are free from it. I did not “choose” this topic to be today’s daily Christian Universalist quote, but rather, it was because of the previous event that I experienced, that social power, that influenced me to now create this event. And who created all of these powers? Is it not God? Therefore, I believe God will use each of these powers at His disposal to guarantee the universal salvation of all creation.


```Ephesians 3:20-21 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. ```




Today Sunday Nov 12 2023 while attending online church with my mother and sister they were playing a video from another church, so we’ve got videos in our videos here. They talked about “social power” which is interesting timing because I was just talking about it in my previous Daily Quote.


It reminds me of a meme that my sister sent to me on Instagram recently (we’ve been using this chat since our mother has been reading our text messages) where it says “Abusers be like: How dare you ruin my reputation by telling people things I did and I said” which accurately describes our mother.


``` 2 Timothy 1:7 NRSVue for God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline. ```


So we see that with the spirit of power δυνάμεως (dynameōs) Strong's 1411, there’s 1) Love and 2) Self Discipline


Agape” is used to describe this love here, the same love that God has for the whole world John 3:16.


2) If our mother wants to preserve her social reputation, then there’s the aspect of self-discipline on her end to stop her abuse.


1) But for my sister and I, it’s also important that we still love our mother, which we do. This is different from cowardice, which would be completely allowing our mother to get away with doing these things without doing anything to tell her what she’s doing is wrong. Both of us are against her wrongdoings, that’s 1) discipline, but then there’s forgiveness, which is 2) love.


Will our mother abuse us forever? Certainly not. So why should the discipline last forever as well? What remains constant and unconditional, no matter what we do, is the Agape Love that God has for everyone, it’s unchanging. So once the discipline is over, and there’s only love, then is there not reconciliation? A universal reconciliation where all shall believe in Christ to be permanently saved.




Today Nov 15 2023 around 12:19 PM my mother keeps calling me back and texting me. “Is she sleeping, just let me know” my mother says, but I keep avoiding answer her question while remaining truthful, redirecting the conversation to whether she received my text message that says “Oh, ok I see” and leaving the call going, as I am as I type this, without saying anything. Because if I did want to answer her, I would have to tell her that my sister went outside to go meet up with a friend.


Since my mother wants to ban my sister from all sleepovers, I know that by telling her this information it would only make her unnecessarily angry. Oh there, she hung up now, that’s a relief.


When I was younger, I felt the need to answer people’s questions, even when I didn’t feel comfortable sharing that information. Because my mother would get upset at me with regards to questions. But now I’ve learned how pointless that is, because whether or not I answer my mother’s questions, she will still emotionally abuse me. I thought that by sucking up to her, by obeying her, that she would somehow stop that, but no. Do not be fooled into thinking that by forming an alliance with those who are abusers that you will be spared from their abuse, you’re only delaying their inevitable wrath. My mentality has completely changed. Since I’m going to be abused either way, I might as well do it for a good cause.


```Exodus 20:16 NRSVue You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. ```      


Unfortunately, I did commit the sin of bearing false witness Exodus 20:19 many times when I was younger, like lying about going somewhere else when I was really working at a call center to try and save money to escape from my mother. That was useless though, because not only did my mother end up following me to my call center workplace anyways, but I also regret trying to run away because it would mean leaving my sister behind.


God is superior to me. So, He must also be better than me. Though I tried to run away, will God ever try to run away from saving all of us? Lamentations 3:31. Though I lied many times in the past, will not God remain truthful to His promise to reconcile all of creation to Himself? Acts 3:21. All people must have faith in God, who is Jesus Christ, only, in order to be permanently saved.


So now my mentality is to just be quiet, or to say filler statements, maybe stuff around the lines of “Oh so that’s your question”, “I am listening”, “Huh”, “Hmmm…”, “Ohhh”. Better to say nothing at all than to tell a lie. Like the legal principle of the “Right to Remain Silent”, I have to remind myself that conversations like this with my mother are not mutual exchanges of dialogue, but rather, interrogations. Because my mother wanted to follow my sister yesterday, without her permission, so the less information she has on my sister’s whereabouts today, the safer my sister is.


Therefore, I have DMed my sister on Instagram about this event. She’s been 18 years old for over a month now and I hope my mother knows that there would be legal consequences to physically following a person in real life in order to harass them.




Alright, got the Daily Quote up now. It’s essentially like a reply to the message you posted here. And yes, when I refer to LGBTQIA+ Christian Infernalist’s Hell I’m referring to your viewpoint. If the Christian Universalist’s Heaven is homophobic, then I gladly reject it.




Imagine a world where people are discriminated against because of the color of their skin. That’s racism.


Now, imagine a world where people online are discriminated against because of the color of their username. That’s how Christian Infernalists have been treated on the Christian Universalist Discord Server.


I’ve been a Christian Universalist for years. I’ve posted on many different online forums talking about it. r/ChristianUniversalists. I’m tired of the debate, the fighting. Would it not be more useful to just talk things out?


Have you noticed that when Christian Universalists refer to the debate, they call themselves “Christian Universalists” and the opposition simply “Infernalists”. The drop of the “Christian” title is subtle, but speaks volume to how they feel.


My view is that Christian Universalists, Christian Annihlationists and Christian Infernalists are all Christians. Whether a Christian believes in Universalism, Annihlationism or Infernalism, it has nothing to do with their own salvation, it’s not a salvation issue, and to say otherwise is literally Gnosticism. We must believe in Christ to be permanently saved. All 3 of those camps can have that same view. The question is just how many will be able to believe in Christ.


How many set their role as “Hopeful Universalist” out of fear of being discriminated against for believing in Christian Infernalism? How many Christian Infernalists are afraid of getting dogpiled and ganged up on by Christian Universalists for freely voicing out their opinions.


Do people freely choose to believe in Christian Universalism or Christian Annihlationism or Christian Infernalism? I don’t think so. All of us are led to believe in what we feel is true based on the evidence presented to us. But no matter what camp we believe in, the fact of the matter is, what’s been true has always been true. What has been the nature of God will always be the nature of God.


```Malachi 3:6 NRSVue For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, have not perished. ```


Since Christian Universalists believe that everyone will become believers in Christ, they also believe that everyone will go to Heaven. But what is their view of Heaven? For an individual Christian Universalist, they could imagine Heaven as a place where all of their opinions are correct. The danger with this Christian Universalist mindset is when they hold horrible beliefs, like that of the multiple Homophobic Christian Universalists that I have met online.


If you think homosexuality is a sin, you are homophobic. If you think being transgender is a sin, you are transphobic. If you think being queer is a sin, you are queerphobic.


Though the intention of these quotes is to talk about Christian Universalism, I still believe it important to promote LGBTQIA+ Affirmation. Because for the Homophobic Christian Universalists, who see being gay as a “sin” (even though it’s not), they will perceive their Universal Heaven as Universally Homophobic. Imagine that Universalist Homophobes Heaven where those who are gay are discriminated against for what they were born as forever. If Homosexuality is a sin (though it’s not), then Christian Universalism makes it worse, because everyone is essentially forced under that framework. Christian Universalism, just like Christian Infernalism and Christian Annilhationism, exists as a tool, and any one of them can be used for great evil.


And for those who happen to set their role on the server as “Universalist”, would you as a Universalist be more likely to trust their opinion, just because they are a Universalist?


The halo effect (sometimes called the halo error) is the tendency for positive impressions of a person, company, country, brand, or product in one area to positively or negatively influence one's opinion or feelings in other areas.” End quote

Will you avoid listening to a different opinion of an Infernalist, just because they are an Infernalist and you are a Universalist? Imagine, you who are Homophobic Universalists, found that there was a LGBTQIA+ Affirming Infernalist? Will you ignore this Infernalist’s opinion on those who are LGBTQIA+, though it is correct?


The danger with Christian Universalism is what I call an “Internal Intellectual Contagion” (named after the psychological concept of Emotional Contagion). Because Christian Universalism is a rarer belief compared to Mainstream Infernalism, those who are Christian Universalists may fall into the trap of thinking that, just because they think they have the correct viewpoint in one opinion, that all of their opinions are correct, no matter how horrible. And then their version of Heaven becomes subconsciously constructed as a reality where everyone is forced to be under these horrible opinions.


Given the choice between a Homophobic Universalist’s Heaven and an LGBTQIA+ Affirming Infernalist’s Hell, which would you choose? For myself, I gladly reject any form of Heaven that is homophobic or transphobic or queerphobic, yes even if that Heaven is a Christian Universalism Heaven. For that “Heaven” is not truly Heaven at all and I will not be satisfied with any form of Heaven that is anything less than absolute goodness, love and perfection.


Even if God is a God of Christian Universalism, I will gladly reject that God if they are homophobic or transphobic or queerphobic. For a perfect Christian Universalism Heaven to exist, it must be LGBTQIA+ Affirming. This is non-negotiable. Otherwise, any form of a Christian Universal Heaven that is not LGBTQIA+ Affirming will essentially be another form of a Christian Infernalist’s Hell.




This’ll be a quick one, since I’ve been busy doing stats work with Jamovi. Nov 17 2023 around 3:39 PM after my shower my mother tells me "You're gonna get sick, you're gonna die". My sister from her room tells my mother to be quiet. 


```Romans 8:18 NRSVue I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us. ```


I'd just doing ordinary things and my mother would make comments like that. I've lost track of how many. Still, even though all people will die eventually, eventually all people will have faith alone in Christ and be permanently saved. And Heaven will be a place with no more sickness.




Theories in Cognitive Consistency are defined as “… the assumption that people are motivated to seek coherent attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, values, behaviors, and feelings. If these are inconsistent, they will produce a "tension state" in the individual, and motivate the individual to reduce this tension.


When I was a Christian Infernalist, what motivated me to research about the nature of an eternal hell and become a Christian Annihlationist, then later a Christian Universalist, all those years ago? It was not out of a desire to find what was good, nor was it to pursue what was just and merciful, but rather to resolve an internal “tension state” in my mind.


I saw how a person’s sin was finite and how it would be incoherent to view the punishment of that sin as infinite, so I seeked to resolve my internal “tension state” with the idea that the punishment for sin must also be finite, leading me to Christian Annihlationism. Though, some Christian Infernalists may also resolve this “tension state” with the idea that the sin is directed at an infinite God, so the punishment would need to be infinite. However, that would imply that literally everyone would have to burn in hell forever, because all would have infinite sin towards God, and begs the question of why God would even sacrifice Himself on the cross to pay for sin, to essentially put an end to punishment, if it would have to be infinite anyways? Because Christ died for all, either everyone is saved, or no one is.


But I also realized that, under Christian Annihlationism, the punishment for sin still remains “infinite”, essentially an “infinite death”. God created us all in the image of Himself, and since God is love, our natural state is to be loved and to love others. Both Christian Infernalism and Christian Annihlationism stop this love because there is no fear in love because fear has to do with punishment 1 John 4:18. So I was lead into another “tension state” that made me to seek coherence through Christian Universalism. These “tension states” can also be referred to as internal afflictions.


```Romans 5:3-5 NRSVue And not only that, but we also boast in our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. ```

sufferings, θλίψεσιν (thlipsesin) Strong's 2347: Persecution, affliction, distress, tribulation. From thlibo; pressure. Notice that word… pressure.

Stress is our body's response to pressure.”


That feeling when you’re looking for an answer to something online, but you can’t find it, no matter how many browser tabs you have open. Did you choose to experience that emotion? You did not. It was God, who gave you that psychological desire for knowledge, who decided to have you experience that “tension state”. There is my own curiosity that pushes me to type out yet another article for my website, no matter how I try to fight it. This curiosity is suffering. I cannot resist the urge to continue searching. I am controlled.


If we assume that Christian Universalism is true, then under this psychological concept, it makes sense why there are people who believe in Christian Infernalism and Christian Annihlationism. Because for them, they have fuflilled their Psychological Need for Order and Structure, a need we all have to a certain extent, but to varrying degrees. For some Christian Infernalists, they may see the word “forever” in the Bible (really OT olam and NT aionion, both pertaining to an age) and be cognitively satisfied. Because we do not choose our beliefs, our psychology controls us and it decides not only what we believe, but whether we’re even interested to learn about beliefs in the first place.


All of you who are Christian Universalists, you did not “choose” to learn about Christian Universalism, but rather, each of you were put into a psychological state of internal suffering which pushed you into believing it. Those who are Christian Infernalists are either


1) passive in their beliefs, they adopted it because it’s main stream and have not thought much about it or are

2) active in their beliefs, but they have found a solution that satisfies their own cognition in which the tension state is resolved.


I see Christian Universalism as a just and merciful course of action. However, when I became a Christian Universalist, I did not willingly choose to believe in it out of a desire for justice and mercy, but rather, because I was put into a “tension state” and I wanted to resolve the “tension state”. If I was not put into that “tension state” then I would have not believed in Christian Universalism, no matter how much I desired justice and mercy.


So I tell you all to be kind to Christian Infernalists. Just as we did not choose to believe in what we believe, neither did they. But I remain confident that eventually all people will believe in Christ and will be saved. Because it is the LORD God who has created all of our psychologies, the psychologies that control us, and who continues to control us still.





Today Nov 19 2023 my sister had a piano recital from the Royal Conservatory of Music to celebrate the fact that she got a gold medal for her piano work. My mother then ruined this celebration due to her abuse.


It was around 2:31 PM when, after my sister had performed on the stage and the recital had ended, that my mother referred to herself as l pushy and said that we don't like it and I could see like a pained expression from my sister as my grandfather and grandmother laughed along with my mother.


It’s like my mother was trying to get people on her side by wording her side of the story as nicely as possible, even though she’s been emotionally and verbal abusing her own children for years.


Yes, my mother was going on another one of her rants this time along the rows of these grey chairs inside of the Winnipeg art gallery. my sister had won a gold medal award for her level 5 piano and it was like my mother was still 



But then my mother starts talking right now as I edit this on 8:38 PM because she watches me




I thought you were a Christian. Your logic is wrong.” my mother tells me, saying that I don’t have that wisdom.


She then starts shouting at me telling me to tell what she says to my friends.


So what do you want to say” I tell my mother and I show her the TV Screen


So let me type her words. “You can even have this as a message to the Discord Server, your thoughts?” I tell her.


So, my mother says “I’m not telling them to pray I’m telling you you guys have to pray. Pray for your safety and pray for this family. That God will bless us and the Holy Spirit will dwell here in this family in this household. That’s all you have to pray. I want you to pray for that.”


Alright” I say to my mother who is sitting on the wooden stairs in the basement. “That can be your message to the Discord Server”. And my mother stares at me with a blank expression and then goes upstairs.


I’m assuming since she knew she was being recorded that she purposely worded that quote to sound nice.



Now back to my description of what happened today.




Then around 2:53 PM going to Stella’s my sister tells me that she finds it weird that my mother brought this up. I tell her I noticed her [my sister's] expression I described above and she tells me she finds my mother fake behavior unsettling. I agree with her and tell her it's like a mask my mother has


The scary thing is when my mother uses the word "discipline" she includes physical abuse in that definition, which I am against, because she sees the physical abuse she got from her father with this same discipline word.


Then around 3:04 PM there was a nearby rally related to the ongoing Israel Hamas conflict. So, my grandfather and my father were there and my grandfather tells me in Stella’s a controversial opinion. My stance is that I am against the crimes of the Israel government and I am also against Hamas. The state of Israel has literally mass murdered so many people and…






Aughh…. I get interrupted again in my editing because my mother came downstairs.



So, I explained to my mother that the Israeli government had actually personally funded Hamas in order to undermine Palestine. And that the Hamas isn’t even a Palestinian leader.

This website features a graph from the United Nations that the vast majority of deaths and injuries are suffered by Palestinians


From 01/01/2008 Palestinian Fatalities: 6,542, Israeli Fatalities: 309, Palestinian Injuries: 155,716, Israeli Injuries: 6,331


Now tell me, what’s the bigger number here, 6,542 or 309. 155,716 or 6,331? Look, Hamas is bad. But Israel has been bombing hospitals, they’ve been bombing people who are trapped, Israel is an apartheid state that has been committing many war crimes. Waaaaayyyyy more Palestinians have suffered than Israelis.


Then my mother starts to insult the indigenous people in Canada and discriminates against them. She asks why they get money from the government to support their education.


So I told her about the physical and sexual abuse of indigenous children that was literally directly funded by the Canadian Government. from the United Nations, Page 9. States that “Children were also physically and sexually abused. In 1990, the Special Advisor to the Minister of National Health and Welfare on Child Sexual Abuse stated that in some schools, 100 percent of children were sexually abused”. Trigger warning for that article by the way, because it was a disgustingly extreme amount of abuse.


My mother’s logic confuses me. The Canadian Government quite literally funded widescale systematic abuse towards indigenous people in the past So… why is she getting upset about the Canadian Government supporting indigenous people?. In all honesty, considering the large amount of racism Indigenous people have to face, I think they should be getting more government support if anything. Give them free education, and cancel all their student debt as well while you’re at it.


And I felt myself shaking physically and my head was very tense while my mother harassed me and it went for so long that my sister came back from the party she attended. This has happened so many times when my mother has her “conversations” with me but a lot of it’s just one-sided angry rants from her that I just have to sit there and bear, typing it out though, it does shock even me that I’ve had to go through this for years and years and years.


My mother says reconciliation and hugs my sister and then I say that my mother was harassing me for most of the time that my sister was at her party. So, then my mother starts harassing both of us. She calls my sister fake and shouts at us.


For once stop doing it again. Thank you. Those hugs and those reconciliation and those sorrys only mean something if you’re not going to do it again. You have to respect me to. Who’s the one yelling? Who’s the one angry right now? We’re allowed to talk to people about things when you get mad. You have to admit you get angry. You get angry. And I don’t like it.” my sister tells my mother upstairs.


My mother was saying that the words that I type are abusive, saying that I talk to her calmly, but then type out how I feel. She wants me to not tell other people about what happens, saying it’s for her privacy. But, imagine a patient not being able to tell their therapist the abuse they suffered because their abuser says they want privacy?


And my mother says that she has the freedom of speech to be mad. But this does not give her the right to verbally abuse others.


The time is now 11:10 PM so I’m going back to my editing. So line cut off, back to the event I was describing today:




Then my father says the rally is to stop the bombing of hospitals by the Israel government. So yeah, by that definition, I agree and support the rally. So I say that a ceasefire would be good. Then I order the thai curry. 


My grandfather says he's a Christian who shot 2 people and that he's very convincing and would be go travel and bag Hamas. Not sure how he’d do that by himself???? Then my grandfather goes on about wanting to kill a sasquatch and how if people come to his door he’s going to put on his black belt on them. And my sister went to a Jonas brother’s concert recently.


Then outside of the cafe we see people waving flags, the police and an ambulance.


I tell my family that I agree that the Israel government should stop bombing hospitals and that a ceasefire is good. So I'd say a ceasefire rally is a good cause. My sister agrees saying that a ceasefire is good. My grandmother agrees a ceasefire would be good too.


Then my grandfather says that I had written something about my grandmother on my phone so I tell him I'm trying to find 10 people to complete my SCE Lifeworks survey for my group since there's like 5 of us, 40 people in total to get for the survey.


Then after my grandmother and my grandfather leaves (my grandfather is homophobic and I am against homophobia, so watch out), my sister tells my mother “Genuinely you made me feel so sad. can you just be happy for once stop trying to push push push. Say something else besides... discipline. I wasn’t agreeing with you I was just standing there listening.


And my mother was shouting at us on the street and is screaming at us in the car while my father is driving and I’m typing this on my phone.


My mother says "You're telling everyone how bad I am" and my sister replies saying that’s because my mother is.


"You're telling me how in front of your friends that I didn’t do anything good to you? And of your friends that didn’t of well raising you up there gonna hear something from me. Don’t ever me frankly telling you.” my mother says


"And your weird mama you get mad for no reason" my sister replying saying that she's telling her friends this because its the truth.


"You’re telling these lies. That I’m a bad person. Do you think they’re gonna believe you. Theres a twist there. Twisted" my mother says


"They're not lies. You sound insane mama" my sister says


Thats not discipline that’s verbal abuse” I say



You know when you’re telling on you chat and talking about discipline you blocked that person” my mother says, referring to the incident on the Christian Universalists Discord Server where there was a user that said spanking children is discipline so I rebuked them saying that spanking children is child abuse, they are now banned. However, my mother was watching me warn the user and they were cheering this now banned user on.


That person that was banned from that Discord they were promoting child abuse, physically hitting children as "discipline" is not "discipline" i tell my mother.” I reply to her


"They know you for who you really are" my sister tells my mother.


"Things will not go well for you. And when that happens how that happens. If you don’t respect me.” My mother replies


"Even when I become an engineer, I’m not going to apologize for my feeling. Stop talking over me, mama" my sister tells my mother.


You started this mama. If you just celebrated [sister name] accomplishment…” I say to my mother who’s been screaming for so long


"Go away stop go away. But stop saying that as if it’s a punishment. You should be loving either way and you are not"


Stop using that word discipline to mask your behavior” I say to my mother


"You call me evil. You call me devil." My mother says to which I reply “We dont call you devil”


 My mother then says “Disaster will happen to you guys! You're not grateful for what I did to you. Your friends that what you see that’s what you do here in life.”


My mother then starts shouting the word "Infernalist" and I tell her that I’m a universalist. I’m getting confused.


"Now you're hysterical" my sister says.


Can you get diagnosed I’m trying to say in the most blatant nicest way possible” my sister says


"We shouldn’t be doing anything to earn love, love should be the default state" I tell my mother showing her that my sister and I have been trying to support her for years.


Then my mother says that she was hit as a child and that she turned out fine, but then I tell her that she's justifying child abuse so she did not turn out fine.


So I tell my mother that I want to help her to stop this suffering she’s creating for herself. That I love and still care for her. That's why I’ve been talking things out with her for years. I explain to her that I am against her abuse, but that I still love her as a person.


"I love you because I still care for you mama. That's why I still type these messages. Day by day. these quotes for the server. So I can continue to get their advice and continue to help, I won't completely abandon you mama, that's for sure". I tell my mother.


Cognitively I know that its the right thing to do, to still love her, but physically my body still feels afraid, but that's natural considering the abuse she’s put me through for over a decade.


It’s quite the contrast, a yelling mother screaming about disaster with a calm (externally, but internally I am afraid) son saying how much he cares for her.


"I do love you" my sister says


That’s what I like about Christian Universalism. Because it’s the agape love of God realized. God loves everyone and God wants to save everyone 1 Timothy 2:3-4, so therefore all will have faith only in Jesus Christ and thus gain permanent life.

```Psalm 36:5 NRSVue Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. ```



Then I’m about to post this and my mother comments again it’s 11:32 PM. “Why do you have to tell everything. I don’t talk to you anymore.” My mother says so I reply “But I will still talk with you and love you.”





Hello everyone. I have decided to make this post “ass”-themed.


I’ve been looking through my Google Drive today Nov 20 2023 around 4:22 PM and found from the auditorium incident, yesterday, a scene I forgot to include. A lot happened on that day and I feel like I’ve spent most of the day just trying to process and recover from what happened, it’s been like a pain in the ass tbh.

So, my Christian Universalist sister had this kick ass speech, which I agree with, that I’ll include here


So, my sister says to my infernalist mother You have issues I don’t want to hear you talk about me. You went all the way in my face and with that fake ass happiness. For some reason in you head you want grandma and grandpa to agree with you. I’m in a situation where I don’t want to start fighting you in the middle of an auditorium and that shouldn’t be a position that you're putting me in. I’m not going to do what you're doing and you're making passive aggressive comments. I was in a situation where I couldn’t say anything with my grandparents in an auditorium.”


Then my mother was getting upset that my sister used the word “ass”. You can say my mom’s got like a stick up her ass. But like, first of all, I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with using vulgar language. Here’s a good post from a Christian Universalist friend of mine that goes over it well:


I also tell my mother that the word “ass” literally appears in translations of the Bible


```Genesis 16:12 NRSVue He shall be a wild ass of a man, with his hand against everyone, and everyone’s hand against him, and he shall live at odds with all his kin.” ```


```Genesis 49:11 YLT Binding to the vine his ass, And to the choice vine the colt of his ass, He hath washed in wine his clothing, And in the blood of grapes his covering; ```

So, my sister says “All they see is this girl who’s smiling weirdly and making comments because they don’t know you but I know you”.


But who will know the LORD? Everyone. Since the beginning, Christ knew He’d come in to save my ass, that’s for sure. And Christ’s gonna save everybody. Cause who will believe in the LORD Christ? All people.





There was a Ph.D researcher who was speaking this morning Nov 21 2023 about, when it comes to persuasion, when something sounds too good to be true, our minds may perceive it as suspicious, and in our head we could come up with counter arguments for it.


For Christian Universalism, the concept where everyone eventually becomes believers in Christ, for outsiders, does it sound too good to be true? Because quite literally everyone goes to Heaven… eventually.


But is there such a thing as “too bad to be true”? , like Christian Infernalism, where people are literally tortured forever.


So let’s make a random equation for fun. A little bit of silliness here.

Christian Universalism: Too good to be true. Vs. Christian Infernalism Too bad to be true


But to make it simpler, since this is in a Christian framework anyways, it’s a bit redundant to feature “Christian” here, no? So let’s just…


Universalism: Too good to be true. Vs. Infernalism Too bad to be true


Ehhhh, but, what the heck. We’re already removing some repeat words here, might as well remove some other ones too. What we got here… uhhh….. “Too”, “to”, “be” and “true” alright I can work with that. Voila.


Universalism: good. Vs. Infernalism bad


*shocked face emoji* owo

Look everyone, we did it!!!!111 universalism good!!!!111 Infernalism bad!!!!11 *phew* that’s a relief. After all these months making these Daily Quotes, I didn’t think it’d be that easy. But, luckily, happily, fortunately, things just happen to work out huh, would you look at that uwu

Ok ok ok but seriously. If you think about the complaint against Universalism where it’s “Too good to be true”, I think of another word that starts with “comp”, yes “compliment”. Cause there’s at least a level of “good” in it.


And can God ever be “too good”. It’s like… God’s goodness is so good that it goes beyond the concept of goodness that we can understand. But of course, this is all under the assumption that you see everyone getting saved as “good” and everyone not getting saved as “bad”. So, it kinda circles back lol, and this post’s more of a reinforcement one if anything. But it was just a lil silly goofy jolly thought I had I wanted to share.


```Psalms 107:1 NRSVue O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,  for his steadfast love endures forever. ```





My dad’s been attending this local church “The Meeting Place” here in Winnipeg for years. I don’t agree with them on everything to be honest, but this one was pretty good, and I’ve been going along with my dad since he goes there anyways. So, there was a church livestream on Nov 19 2023, Sunday, which my infernalist mother and I were watching together at home. I was going to comment on it earlier, but I got distracted with recovering from the whole piano recital incident with my mom’s harassment.


Guess this serves as a “sequel” to the Aug 27 2023, 9:49 AM, Daily Quote I made, where “The Meeting Place” had an infernalist sounding sermon. Surprisingly, this one sounded very Universal Reconciliation focused. I had brought up Christian Universalism to Bob personally in-person those months ago, so who knows, maybe he’s thought about it more since then. What clued me in was Timestamp 8:06 which showed text on the screen saying “The Holy Spirit empowers us to partner in God's work of reconciling all things”.


But then it got very Christian Universalism sounding at the Timestamp 36:36 where Bob says “So there was a number of questions that had to do with this notion of reconciliation and the work of the Holy Spirit. I'll use this one as a representative of some of the questions along the line. In the end, will everyone really be reconciled to God. What happens to those who reject Christ's invitation, will they be reconciled.”


And Paul Walker replies “Hmm... I don't know what's going to happen in the end. I have a really big insight for you. Jesus is the judge, not Paul Walker. Sorry. There's never going to be a moment where Jesus is like "You know I need a coffee break Paul please step in". Judgement is God's alone. So, I don't know. And I know certainly in this life there's the possibility that we can harden our hearts and reject and I want to hold an open space to say I don't know what's possible for Jesus to do in that moment. I've heard amazing stories in this faith community of people at the last moment with their loved ones, breathing their last breath, having a sense that they responded, I think what I know to be true, is, again coming back to God looks like Jesus, is that Jesus is relentless in pursuing us and He will not give up. From God's perspective He would like to reconcile all of us 1st Timothy 6 says that it is God's desire that all would be saved. That's God's position, do you want to say yes to that.”. And Bob replies “Excellent”. Timestamp 38:15.


For Paul’s response, I do agree that Judgement is God’s alone and we don’t have any right to judge others, well, we shouldn’t even be judging others in the first place.


```Matthew 7:1-2 Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For the judgment you give will be the judgment you get, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. ```


But based on Pauls’ response it reminds me of the Hopeful Universalist stance. It’s interesting the use of the term “people at the last moment with their loved ones, breathing their last breath”. It’s beautiful to have a person believe in Christ at that moment, but I personally don’t see death as the cut off point. It feels like that part was written for people who hold a “pre-mortem-salvation-moment-only” viewpoint, but I extend the possibility of salvation to that of post-mortem.


Still, even though I’m a Universalist, I don’t judge people for taking a Hopeful Universalist stance, nor an Annihlationist nor Infernalist one. If I’ll be honest, I personally want everyone to believe in Christ to be saved. So, I think that part of my desire at least matches up with God’s desire to have everyone be saved.


What this reminds me of is what Bob said to me when I spoke to him on Christian Universalism, I’ll even quote my Aug 27 2023, 9:49 AM, Daily Quote from back then here “Surprisingly, he replies that he is not sure. He tells me he struggles with reconciliation because of his belief in free will.”


Because honestly, as a Hard Determinist myself who believes in predetermination and no free will, I feel like God desires all to be saved -> God will save everyone, is pretty slam dunk logic. No free will or alternate timelines to get in the way, just straight to the point. Of course, that’s my own personal opinion here, as a Divine Sovereignty Universalist, but there are Free Will Universalists too.




There are likely many people who have avoided Christianity due to their own past negative experiences with Christian Infernalism.


It reminds me of Social Judgment Theory, which explains that we assimilate new information in light of the old information.


Let’s say you lift two heavy boxes that are colored blue. You’re exhausted, and when you see this third blue box, your brain subconsciously already assumes that it’s going to be heavy, so you don’t bother lifting it since you’re tired, even though this box is actually physically light.


This is an allegory serve as illustrations, ἀλληγορούμενα (allēgoroumena) Strong's 238: To speak allegorically. From allos and agoreo (compare agora); to allegorize. The blue boxes are Christianity, the first being Infernalism, then Annilhationism, then Universalism. Since allegories appear in the Bible (it’s not all completely literal), I figured I’d try making my own.


```Galatians 4:24 NRSVue Now this is an allegory: these women are two covenants. One woman, in fact, is Hagar, from Mount Sinai, bearing children for slavery. ```


For many, they are already understandable tired from lifting the a heavy box like Infernalism or Annilhationism that they do not wish to lift further. For others, they may be lucky that the first box they lift is the light Universalism box.


You did not choose to believe in what you believe; it is the psychological theory of Social Judgment that subconsciously controls you to act in the way that you act. But eventually all will believe in God, who is Jesus Christ, the creator of all our psyches, to obtain permanent salvation.


For some Infernalists, they continue to hold onto the heavy box out of worry that if they try lifting another box, it will be even heavier. They may think that all the blue boxes of Christianity are heavy. Other’s may go to life other colored boxes from other religions instead. Or some may not want to lift any boxes of any sort and just straight out leave theism. I do not blame any of these people for their actions or inactions, it is their brain, through the use of heuristics and mental shortcuts, that has already decided this for them.


Nov 24 2023 before 1:32 PM my mother came downstairs telling me that she saw my sister around 7:00 AM walking back and forth in the living room.


For years I would walk back and forth in the basement of this house. Sometimes from excitement after writing a cool Daily Quote. Other times out of worry on what to do. I’d often loose track of time when I do this and would be surprised on how much time has passed.


I learned this recently that the term is stimming, so I explained this to my mother. In the past, she told me that I have autism, so that makes sense.


Perhaps my sister is still recovering from the piano recital incident, where despite her winning a gold medal my mother verbally abused her, screaming at her outside in broad daylight in public, then in the car while my dad was driving then inside of our own house. Maybe I’m still recovering from that too. Because last night I was crying and I couldn’t understand exactly why.


I think it’s the realization that it’s like… no matter what success we could achieve, that my mother won’t be satisfied. She’s an infernalist, and I see this as an issue among certain infernalists, specifically those who believe in “Conditional Love”. The type that believe God agape loved only Jacob, and not Esau, even though God agape loves the whole world John 3:16. Therefore, I believe that all will believe in God, who is Christ, and thus gain permanent life.


```Psalm 119:169 NRSVue Let my cry come before you, O Lord; give me understanding according to your word. ```



Theology is like one who leans while sitting on a chair. For those who lean forward on their chair, they look more deeply into a specific Christian theological concept, like Infernalism/Annilhationism/Universalism, but their view naturally becomes narrower. For those who lean back in their chair, they adopt the “Hopeful” label to the aforementioned 3 terms, they have a broader versatile view of these theological concepts, but accompanied with less focus.



These attitude commitments influence the overall width of one’s latitude of acceptance, it varies based on where one’s locus of attention is focused.

As stated in this study by Standford University “Humans have only one locus of attention, and are able to think of only one thought at a time.”

Based on this research, so long as a Christian has their locus of attention on Infernalism, then it is literally scientifically impossible for that person to ever be able to think of another thought like Annilhationism or Universalism. So, when I went from an Infernalist to Annihlationist to Universalist, I was a Christian in all 3 stages, but my locus of attention shifted each time.

Psalm 107:43 NRSVue Let those who are wise pay attention to these things and consider the steadfast love of the Lord.


Where does our locus of attention come from? That’s right, our brain. Therefore, we are completely at the whims of our own brain chemistry to when we are even able to move on to another thought. Yes, psychologically speaking, even our own thought processes are completely out of our control.

The chemicals in one’s brain could line up in such a way where a person could go through their entire earthly existence believing in Christian Infernalism, or hell, not even believing in Christianity at all. And I blame neither for these things. For many have died without the knowledge of Universal Reconciliation or even of who Jesus Christ is simply because their locus of attention would not move on to the thought.




This morning Nov 25 2023 before 11:55 AM I was at my first church choir practice with my sister at the Meeting Place, and when I saw the lyrics of the song, they reminded me of Christian Universalism.


In the page of the binder they provided it reads “Lo, How A Rose E’er Bloom. Words: verses 1-2, 15th Century Germany. Translated by Theodore Baker, 1894. Verses 3,4 Friedrich Layritz (1808-1859). Translated by Harriet Reynolds Krauth, 1875. Verse 5, 15th Century German. Translated by John C. Mattes, 1914. Music: ‘Es Ist Ein Ros Entsprungen (Rhythmic)’ German from Köln, 1599. Setting: Michael Prateorius, 1609. copyright: public domain. This score is a part of the Open Hymnal Project, 2010 Revisions”


Where a line reads “As an – gel her - - alds said. death He saves us, And light – ens ev - - ‘ry load.”

Describing how Jesus Christ died to lighten the load of sin for everyone. Thus, I personally see everyone as having faith alone in Jesus Christ eventually to be permanently saved.


And at the bottom left corner of this page it reads “Mt 1:20-21”

```Matthew 1:20-21 NRSVue But just when he had resolved to do this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the child conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” ```


And who are the Jesus’ people? All people. For I also personally see Jesus as God, since God has created all people.




Yesterday my sister @sydoshi joined this server, the Christian Universalists Discord server. She is a Christian Universalist. Christian Universalism, being the concept that all shall believe in Christ and all shall thus be saved. I’m grateful she’s here and I pray for her protection.


However, coincidentally enough, before 1:28 PM today Nov 26 2023 my mother came downstairs and told me that she had just had a dream about my sister. She describes her dream to me, saying how there was the parent of one of my sister’s friends standing outside of our house holding a gun and my mother shouts “[sister’s name] you’re dead!”.


My mother says she is being honest here and that it’s a metaphor. She tells me she does not literally expect my sister’s friend’s parent to go in front of our house with a gun. I reply, saying something how it might be an allegory? But it confuses me.


```Galatians 4:24 NRSVue Now this is an allegory: these women are two covenants. One woman, in fact, is Hagar, from Mount Sinai, bearing children for slavery. ```


Ask on Discord” my mother tells me and then goes back upstairs. So here I am with today’s Daily Quote, I guess.



Today Nov 27 2023, before 3:59 PM my mother told me that she wants to make a bet with me in regards to whether an aspect of my sister’s life will be successful or unsuccessful.


My infernalist mother went to the position of saying that it will be not successful with “100%” certainty and insisted that I participate in her bet, but I refused. Nevertheless, she said that I apparently now owe her 50 dollars? What??? Is my infernalist mother so confident in her belief that she’s already trying to collect her winnings before the game has even been decided?


So, I replied saying that I do not agree to participate in the bet. What’s my position here? I don’t know. How can we even make accurate bets in regards to other people’s lives, when their very futures are at stake here? But my mother had already in her mind put me on the opposing side forcefully. I’m not surprised. We disagree on many things, one such is Infernalism vs Universalism. In regards to “bets”, I am very cautious. I prefer only joining a side that I am very confident in, which is why I consider myself a Christian Universalist.

```Jeremiah 29:11 NRSVue For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. ```


For a lot of Hopeful Universalists, I imagine they must be under three-way pressure from the Infernalists, those who believe God tortures people forever, the Annihlationists, those who believe God permanently destroys people forever and the Universalists, the personal camp I’m in, who believes that God will save everyone.


I wonder which position is the “riskiest”? I think there’s arguments on both sides. For the Christian Universalists, who could say their position is “risky” because it requires literally every person in existence to believe in Christ to be saved. If even a single person is tortured forever, Christian Infernalism is true. If even a single person is permanently destroyed forever, Christian Annilhationism is true.


The interesting thing is that Christian Annilhationism could already be true. Yeah, like, what if there was a single person who was already permanently destroyed forever? Then that would make Christian Universalism impossible. But for Christian Annilhationism, would God be wasteful? If God was going to permanently destroy one of His creations, then why even create them in the first place? Would not God have known already in advance that He would do this? But for Christian Infernalism, God would somehow have to maintain the existence of sin forever (the sinners being tormented) while still remaining good.


Regardless of the “risk level” I still stay in the Christian Universalism camp. If it means having a happy ending for all of humanity, then I think it’s worth whatever perceived risk there is. But for you Hopeful Universalists, don’t get forced into having another person put you into a bet that you didn’t sign up for. You’re allowed to just… not know, you know?


Whatever’s true is what always would have been true anyways, regardless of one’s belief in Infernalism / Annilhationism / Universalism.




Fuck” I said to myself while I was outside around 12:27 PM. This is the first time I’ve said “fuck” on this server, second time now, but this is a fucking horrible situation (third time), and I don’t say this lightly.


I’ve worked as a hired researcher where I was paid by a certain government-related body to do academic research for them before. I signed a contract where parts of my research would fall under their ownership, so out of my own safety here, specific aspects related to the true nature of this research will be omitted.


Now, this is a different type of research this recent incident, since my previous paid research contract had ended. I’ve been working in this particular group with 4 members for the past few months including myself, I am the 1st member. We’ll call the others 2nd member, 3rd member, 4th member. I asked the Ph.D researcher who supervises us if I can talk about this incident to others and they said I can, as long as I don’t mention names. This happened today Nov 28 2023 before 2:11 PM.


Our research is a group collaboration, so we split up the work into separate sections. Because I had a meeting from 6:00 to 9:00 PM and my mother wanted me to sleep a while after I came back, I did not have time to review all my team member’s work. I learned from my work in a past company that it doesn’t matter how hard I worked, I would keep being treated like shit and I would be stuck with the same close to minimum wage pay. So, I’d rather spend my time outside of work doing things I genuinely enjoyed such as being on the Christian Universalists Discord server among other things.


I trusted that, since we were in a professional environment, that all my other groups members also followed certain ethical conduct. Where we are, there’s a strict policy which says “YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO USE ChatGPT” due to our work being related to academia.


When I worked in my paid academia position as a researcher, because we receive monetary funding by certain professional bodies who don’t want to waste money, in that setting, if a research work is too similar to another pre-existing research work, then it gets thrown out. I even had part of my research for weeks thrown out because it was coincidentally closely similar to another research paper that I literally didn’t even know about. The academic world is intensely cruel and brutal.


So, jumping back to what happened today, this Ph.D researcher talked to us privately and told us that they believe that our 4th member has used ChatGPT for their research.


Honestly…” the 4th member was about to say, but the Ph.D researcher interrupted them. While they said that they do not have enough evidence to formally convict them, they said they want to strike fear into the group. They told us they were on some sort of council that was able to formally convict another person because the person admitted they used ChatGPT and they were… removed, let’s put it that way. But it’s extremely severe.


I was shocked. The Ph.D researcher said that the 4th member has been doing this for multiple projects, that they’ve been using ChatGPT to generate their research for months. I the 1st member have never used ChatGPT to generate any part of the research for these two projects, and I believe that neither the 2nd member nor the 3rd member had used ChatGPT either for these two projects.


Shit… I’m pissed off” I said right to the 4th members face. I then quoted the 4th member’s excuse, because the 4th member said that they apparently had “friends” that helped them with their research. The 4th member apologized to the Ph.D researcher, but the Ph.D researcher replied saying that they should really apologize to us, their group members, for endangering everyone’s futures, so they said sorry to us too.


What shocked me though is that the Ph.D researcher implied that they were acting mercifully here. They said that if they were to formally convict this 4th member, then the entire group, all of us members, would suffer the consequence of it. I was shocked by this. How the hell is that fair!?!??! Like, genuinely. I literally didn’t even look at this group members part here, and now what, I could have suffered blame here because of their mistake!??!?! By this Ph.D researcher’s logic, apparently because none of us group members noticed, that we could apparently all be responsible? But literally, this 4th member is the only one that supposedly use this ChatGPT anyways!!!!!


I’ve never used ChatGPT for my paid research work. But obviously I’ve used it for my own personal hobby website, but that’s just for fun. Like here, where I did a joke interview of it.


So don’t mix me up here. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with using ChatGPT. But of course, different contests exist. It just so happens that where I do this research has this strict random policy about not using ChatGPT, though I’ve seen other places actually let you use ChatGPT.


Anyways, I attended a business symposium with this same Ph.D researcher, so maybe it’s because we’ve known each other for months and that I was in this group that the Ph.D researcher did this. But can’t they show some more sympathy??? I’m literally stuck in the household of an abusive mother and have been for over a decade. To be honest though, I haven’t told them that part, but I’ve explained parts of my family life to other Ph.D researchers that are their colleagues. Because it gets tiring to have to reexplain it over and over again. Like, you’ve seen these Daily Quotes too. I don’t blame anyone for not being able to catch up, my lore is complex, exhausting and tiring. And it feels like every day is just another episode, another conflict for the series!!!! Look how many words it takes just to describe even the more simple aspects of my life.


This incident today greatly worries me, because I’m also working in another group project and if they use ChatGPT, then the Ph.D researcher supervising that work may not be so “merciful”. Because this Ph.D researcher told me that that Ph.D researcher is a lot more tech-savvy then they are and may be able to collect more evidence to formally convict a person, and by extension, have the whole group suffer the consequence. In general, this plan I’ve had has been in the work for literal years. Years where I had to suffer under my mother’s abuse. And to think that all of that could just be thrown out, just because of the mistake of another person, greatly terrifies me.


So, I’m scared because how the hell am I supposed to even know whether something is typed by a human or by an AI??? I was trying to understand that situation, by respectfully asking questions, but the Ph.D researcher would say that we already wasted 15 minutes of their time and then said we wasted 20 minutes of their time.


So, there I was, leaning forward onto an open balcony. Obviously, younger me as a child would have wished he could have just jumped off a height like this and killed himself. He almost did too if not for a predetermined event that saved his life. But I knew I couldn’t do that for the sake of my sister, who I must protect from my abusive mother. Beside me was the 3rd member, who told me that they accepted how things were. I was still so angry on the inside. What are we supposed to do, just accept this cruel system where the masses have to suffer for the mistakes of the few????


I was so lost in my thoughts, that I ended up missing my bus stop, so I had to go to the next one far away. So, I ran and kept running, coughing trying to catch my breath. It was freezing cold, but I decided I would just do my workout outside anyways. I was so pissed off that I put my bare hands in the snow and held the snow in my hands to try to have the cold numb the worry I felt on the inside, but obviously, it didn’t work, and I just ended up with really cold hands.


It’s extremely annoying, infuriating, because I’m so close. I’m soooooo clooooosssseeeee. I hate this system of academia that encourages distrust, infighting and drama. What am I supposed to do to stop this??? Literally suspect everyone I work with as using ChatGPT?????? Go through every single work that everyone else I’ve worked with has contributed to make sure they’re not using some AI text generator?????????????? It’s genuinely so ridiculous.


So, we were on the elevator going to the bottom floor, me and the 3rd member. The 3rd member told me they were talking with the 2nd member, who just left, so I said I’ll text the 2nd member later, since I’ve already been texting them before. The 3rd member expressed to me how they’re just trying to make it through this and I agreed. This research world is heartless and driven by greed, where people will be gladly removed if it means satisfying their capitalistic overlords who want quote-on-quote “original research”. Fuck off. They literally encourage team members to constantly accuse each other.


That’s why I purposely don’t want to have a paid position in research in theology here on Earth. I’d rather just keep that as an unpaid hobby of mine. I’ve literally seen what the research world is like with my own eyes. I was literally paid to be a researcher in academia and if it was purely research, I’d be fine with it, but a lot of it is annoying politics about “who you know” and your “connections”. 


I was really angry before, but man… I’m just tired. Like my 3rd member was saying to me, I could feel the stress emanating off of them. I just want to survive. And this evil system that we’re trapped in, which is called capitalism, makes it so so difficult to just survive.


I thought by typing this that I would be able to vent. I mean, my anger’s faded a bit. But I still feel that looming sense of dread. More so than usual. And it’s so taunting because, like when I start to think that hey life’s maybe kinda alright, boom, another conflict appears. Again and again and again and again and again and again and again.


I’ll be honest, I’m tired of hiding it, but I feel like life is a prison sentence. And this is the view that I’ve held for many years, while I was an Infernalist and an Annihlationist and now a Universalist. That we’re born just to suffer. I don’t just want Christian Universalism, the concept where all shall believe in Christ and all shall be permanently saved, to be true. For the sake of my own mental health here, I need it to be true. I was an emotional wreck as an Infernalist and an Annihlationist, and to a certain extent, still am as a Universalist. But Christian Universalism has legit carried me through so many brutal periods of my life. Because that’s the only thing that can justify to me all this suffering shit that I’ve been through. If any aspect of Christian Infernalism or Christian Annilhationism is true, then honestly, I wish I was never born. I wish the whole world, everything, was never even created to begin with!


```Ecclesiastes 4:2-3 NRSVue And I commended the dead, who have already died, more than the living, who are still alive, 3 but better than both is the one who has not yet been and has not seen the evil deeds that are done under the sun. ```




Around 1:46 PM today Nov 29 2023 I was at a medical center. I went there with my mom since she had an appointment to have her benign tumor removed. After I went Christmas gift shopping with her.

This article mentions that “Benign tumors aren’t cancerous” but then mentions later that “Some benign tumors also have the potential to become cancerous when abnormal cells continue to divide out of control.”


For my Daily Quote on 07/06/2023 2:19 PM I mentioned that my sister and I were worried about my mother having cancer, mentioned in Daily Quotes — 07/19/2023 10:16 PM and — 09/22/2023. Her sister had breast cancer and died. To be honest, it’s been a couple months and she hasn’t told me that much information afterwards. The topic’s been silent.


But in that July 6 2023 quote, I put the quote Acts 5:29 with the KJB. That was during my random Bible verse version character arc, but recently I’ve been using more of the NRSVue.

```Acts 5:29 NRSVue But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than any human authority. ```


What has happened because of human authority, the ἀνθρώποις (anthrōpois) Strong's 444?

To quote the human authority of Synesius of Cyrene “The truth can only be harmful for those who are unable to gaze on the reality. If the laws of the priesthood permit me to hold this position, then I can accept consecration, keeping my philosophy to myself at home, and preaching fables out of doors”, documented from Charles Bigg’s book on “Neoplatonism” published by the London, Society for Promoting Christian knowledge; New York, E. & J.B. Young & co.1895, taken from page 339 from the book, page 341 from the PDF.


Fancy way of saying “I know the truth, but I’m going to lie to the public”. This was a problem with how the human authority of the Early Christian Church in the first 500 years, preferring to keep it secret and esoteric.


The idea that false threats were necessary to keep the common people in check, and that the truth might be held esoterically, prevailed among the earlier Christians, so that there can be no doubt that many who seem to teach endless punishment, really held the broader views, as we know the most did, and preached terrors pedagogically.

Universalism, the Prevailing Doctrine of the Christian Church During its First Five Hundred Years; with Authorities and Extracts.” By John Wesley published by the Universalist Publishing House in 1899, book page 305, pdf page 322.


The title of this book mentions “authorities” so I figured it would fit the theme XD. Here’s a quote from it “The idea that false threats were necessary to keep the common people in check, and that the truth might be held esoterically, prevailed among the earlier Christians, so that there can be no doubt that many who seem to teach endless punishment, really held the broader views, as we know the most did, and preached terrors pedagogically.”



So, what has human authority given us? The sin of lying Exodus 20:16, where these human authorities knew about the truth of Christian Universalism, yet for whatever reason decided to lie about it through the false threats of Eternal Conscious Torture.


So, will you believe in what God has shown us, Christian Universalism, in which all shall believe in Christ and all shall be saved? Or will you believe in what human authorities have shown us, where people are tortured in hell forever?




Why was the image of the physical valley of Gehenna to the side of Jerusalem used to metaphorically describe the concept of postmortem punishment?


I believe it’s due to the psychological concept of salient information processing, as it served as an easily accessible knowledge structure for the people of that time. I was reminded of this Nov 30 2023, Thursday, around 10:27 AM when someone spoke of it out loud during a presentation.


The historical burning of bodies after they die explains the burning feelings of regret and guilt that sinners feel after they die. The existence of feelings beyond death that changes thus also confirms the existence of μετάνοιαν (metanoian)

``` 2 Peter 3:9 NRSVue The Lord is not slow about his promise, as some think of slowness, but is patient with you, not wanting any to perish but all to come to repentance. ```


Why would God subject people to these changes of feelings if they were unable to change their minds? So infernalism posits a system in which feelings are able to change, but somehow, not the mind which experiences these changed feelings. That feels contradictory to my mind at least.


It quite literally violates Newton’s Third Law of Motion in which “Whenever one object exerts a force on another object, the second object exerts an equal and opposite on the first.” “for every action (force) in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction”


Yet under Eternal Conscious Torment, action upon action is applied, yet no reaction of repentance for salvation is ever produced.


Therefore, under Infernalism, only two possibilities exist. Either the Almighty LORD is unable to change a mortal forever, or a mortal is able to resist change from the Almighty LORD forever.


An infinitely weak good or an infinitely strong evil, that is the reality of Eternal Conscious Torment.




I had this idea a few Daily Quotes back, but now I have the time to expand on it today Dec 1 2023 Friday.

I’m currently a Christian Universalist, so my personal flavour of it is that all people will have faith alone in Christ either pre-mortem or post-mortem to gain permanent salvation.


When I was in my Infernalism to Annilhationism phase, when I was first reading about Annilhationism, you could have called me a “Hopeful Annihlationist”. Because, compared to the Eternal Conscious Torment of Infernalism, I felt temporary relief thinking that those who did not have pre-mortem faith would not be tortured forever.


However, Annilhationism for me at least was more so out of an avoidance of a negative outcome, rather than a desire for a truly positive outcome.


And thinking about it, if a person sees the Universalist Heaven as bad, then it can also genuinely make sense for a person to go from a Universalism to Infernalism phase as a “Hopeful Infernalist”. I think all three camps have the potential to hold the “Hopeful” prefix, where a person wants something to be true, but is unsure whether it will come true or not. But with salvation, at the end of the day, it’s not what we want per say, but rather what God wants.


``` 1 Timothy 2:3-4 NRSVue This is right and acceptable before God our Savior, 4 who desires everyone to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. ```


So, my question is. Can God ever be a Hopeful Universalist or a Hopeful Annihlationist or a Hopeful Infernalist? Because God does what God wants, I don’t think the “Hopeful” prefix, in terms of wanting something to be true, but being unsure whether or not it will come true, would ever apply to God. Since God knows what’s going to happen, as He planned it.



I'm typing this [paragraph] in a room in the church I attend where we're on break from practicing for the Christmas choir at 10:30 AM Dec 2 2023 Saturday. A previous practice section was mention in the Nov 25 2023 Daily Quote.


Afterwards, we return home. "You're the one who is responsible for the damage you've caused to [sister's name]" I say something kind of like that to my infernalist mother who is yelling at my sister. Then my sister tells my mother to stop throwing these pissy fits. This was around 12:17 PM.


Then my sister and I go on a run. We eat at Burger King.


My sister tells me of a toxic person who I was rebuking before. I wondered before if I was being too harsh on them, but then my sister reveals that this person told her that they read the Bible and that they promote genocide. What an extremely disgusting and horrible view. Genocide is inherently evil; my sister and I both agree on that. No matter what context or what form it takes, genocide is always sin. Now I feel I definitely should have been harsher with them. I’m relieved my sister has cut ties with him.

``` Proverbs 3:31 NRSVue Do not envy the violent, and do not choose any of their ways```


Unfortunately, she discovered that another person she knew is homophobic. This was a Christian who, upon hearing a mention of a gay person, said something along the lines of how they love gay people, but doesn’t support them. Anyone who believes that being gay is an inherent sin is homophobic.


My sister says she wishes I was there with her, if I was, I would have gladly pulled out Bible verses and debunked both of their views. Oh, how people may appear kind on the surface, yet inside their minds hold deeply evil views, woe unto them.


I explain to my sister of the two verses in the Bible that have the mistranslation of homosexual. I’ll explain further, specifically the terms ἀρσενοκοῖται from 1 Cor 6:9 and ἀρσενοκοίταις from 1 Timothy 1:10 refer to the sin of pederasty, aka the sin of pedophilia. Homosexuality is not a sin just like how heterosexuality is not a sin either.


Psychologically speaking, if a person wanted to agree with the majority of humanity, they could say general life advice like “Wisdom is good, having knowledge is cool, learning is important, genocide is evil”. Those are true, but what connection is there?


Stronger psychological connections form when these beliefs are more specific, like “Being LGBTQIA+ Affirming is good”. Obviously, there’s going to be queerphobes against that statement, but I don’t want to appeal to them. Just like how I must unlearn the fawning trauma response that I had for my mother.


I explain to her with a parable. One who is starving in a desert who was not tasted much food will not be picky when greeted with a selection of many foods. However, as they become familiar with the food, they begin to understand which foods are rotten and which are good to eat.

The same is true with the social energy one can consume from others, the emotions we feed off of others. Hanging out with a toxic person will poison you. Yet, being friends with one who is kind, loving and empathetic will nourish the soul. [Edit: Because our mother had frequently stopped my sister from hanging out with other people when she was younger, my sister end up getting hurt by toxic people, but luckily she cut ties with them]


Thus, the topic of our toxic mother comes up, as my sister mentions the dream that our mother had around the time she joined the Christian Universalists Discord Server, the Nov 26 2023 Daily Quote, where our mother dreamed of herself declaring the death of her own daughter.


I have to be careful what I tell her in regards to this, since she has flashbacks of what our abusive mother says. I asked if I she wanted me to explain in more detail and she told me she wanted to learn more. Therefore, I told my sister of what my mother said in the Daily Quote of Nov 27 2023 and I saw a deeply sad expression on her face.


It was in regards to the “bet” that our mother tried forcing on me, our mother who wanted her own daughter’s relationship with another person to be a failure. Our mother was so confident in my sister failing that she wanted to already collect her winnings, saying I owed her $50 dollars, even though I refused to participate.


My sister and I are both Christian Universalists, her being the “Protagonist” an ENFJ and myself the “Advocate” an INFJ as defined by the Myer Briggs personality test. We both believe that all shall believe in Christ and thus all shall go to Heaven. She can gain energy from social interactions and I can get energy drained from social interactions.


I tell her that I wanted to run away, but stayed because she was a minor to protect her from our mother. Now that she is 18 years old, I tell her that I would personally avoid giving too much information to our mother about her life. If she can escape from our mother here, then that would be good.




You can ask your Discord friends [my real name], if you want some advice” my Christian Infernalist mother says to me after she comes downstairs around 8:08 PM.

It seems she may be referring to the Christian Universalists Discord server which I moderate on, the concept that all shall obtain faith in Christ and thus gain permanent life. Earlier on this same day, my mother was shouting again, making an excuse about how she would not follow my advice because I am not a parent.


I tell my mother that I told my sister to try to avoid sharing like information to my mother. Because, as my homophobic emotionally abusive mother is doing right now, she’s using that information as part of her manipulation tactics, saying that she wants to contact my Christian grandfather on my father’s side to get him involved in the situation, he who is homophobic and who physically abused my father. I’m afraid of the possibility that these two abusers may team up with each other to cause even more abuse.


She also wants to get, from our father’s side: our grandmother and two of our cousins who she names, involved in this drama too. And she said that she wants my father to talk to a friend that my sister is going to hang out with, which is invasive considering my sister is an adult. My sister has told me that even the parents of another one of my sister’s friends do not like our mother.


And my mother says that I should ask my former Dr. boss too who I worked for as a researcher in academia. Is she implying a threat here? Because she has my former Dr. boss’ contact information. I hope she does not try to ruin my professional reputation from there.


Recently before, my mother had my father drive her to try to find my sister. I tell my mother that if my father stopped obeying her orders like that, then she would find that no one in this household is on her side here.


It’s ironic because my sister and I were talking in the kitchen, before my mother arrived, and she told me how I’m like 22 years old, and how I’ve had to go through 5 more years of this [abuse] than she did. But I’m impressed by my sister, who has been fighting back for justice against my mother’s verbal abuse far more often and longer than I’ve had. God bless her.


```Amos 5:24 But let justice roll down like water and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream. ```

Righteousness must flow like an ever-flowing stream, annilhationism and infernalism being that which permanently clogs this stream, through the permanent loss of potential righteousness and the permanent existence of sin.




It was before 12:42 PM today Dec 4 2023 Monday where I was in the shower and my Christian Infernalist mother went on another one of her upset rants suddenly without my initiative, complaining that I chat on the Christian Universalists Discord server. This confuses me, since in the Daily Quote I posted yesterday she said “You can ask your Discord friends [my real name], if you want some advice” which feels like a contradiction.


Speaking of Christian Universalism, the concept that all shall become believers in Christ and thus gain permanent life-


I was on my computer when around 12:53 PM I looked up and saw my mother staring at me silently, she was watching me and this really scares me. She was at the top of the light brown wooden stairs and she was hiding behind an object. I’m afraid of her. And then I thought she left and then looked up and she saw was looking at me again 12:54 PM. And I look behind me again and now she’s not there.


I thought I was being paranoid, frequently looking behind me, but the fact that my mother keeps doing this and that I didn’t notice her shows apparently that I have to keep checking behind me more and more. I do not feel safe in this house because of her. And it doesn’t help that my mother has access to my emails too.


But anyway, as I was saying before I was interrupted, I think Infernalism is a contradiction because it interrupts God’s mercy.


That’s like a backstabber” my mother says from upstairs “I’m just describing what you’re doing though.” I reply to her now 1:01 PM. Augh, another interruption. Ok, but here’s the verse.


```Psalm 145:8-9 NRSVue The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to all, and his compassion is over all that he has made. ```


Strong’s 7356. רָ֫חַם (racham) is also related to the term “mercy”


It’s not good you’re pretending you’re a nice person. Be honest, be real.” my mother says to me suddenly from upstairs 1:05 PM. Again, an interruption.


Ok, continuing. From the link above it says “the word is not only used in salvation from sin but also rescue from physical danger and distress.”


What kind of belief do you have? Rebellious children. And you’re making them believe. You have to respect your parents. Respect the people around you.” my mother suddenly says 1:07 PM.


Interrupted again. But since the link says the word is used when referring to salvation from sin, all that the Lord has made must be saved from sin.


I then hear noises from upstairs and I got up and see my mother crying on a chair. I tell her I care for her and she tells me that she will never care about me. She tells me to go to an apartment and get sick there, to go to an apartment and to die there. And it really hurts me mentally to hear this from my own mother, to hear her say this to me, her own son.


And she asks why I am still here. Because I do see this house as unsafe. And I reply to her saying that it is for the sake of my sister that I’m still here. I do not feel comfortable leaving her here with you [my mother]. Then I also add that it is also for her sake [my mother] that I am here too. Because I do genuinely want to help her.


So around 1:37 PM my mother says “That’s discipline, don’t say it’s ranting. You cannot recognize that, that there’s something wrong about you.” I was close to crying typing this, but for some reason, I can’t feel any tears come out, just a constant tense pain in my head and in my heart. I want to cry right now, but I can’t. Why can’t I cry? I want to feel the relief that those tears would bring. Where are they?







Hello everyone. This was a rare opportunity. I type this today 11:16 PM Dec 4 2023 after I had the time to interview my mother on Christian Universalism, since the opportunity suddenly came up. I’ve been gentle with my mom and she’s opened up to me about her belief in the Lake of Fire. Interestingly enough, my mother more often uses the term “Lake of Fire” in this conversation than the term “Hell”, since she says that the term “Lake of Fire” appears in the Bible. My mother’s made it clear that she believes that there are people who are tormented forever. However, new information has appeared that has added a layer of complexity to this situation.


My mother is an Infernalist and an Annihlationist simultaneously at the same time. Yes, I’m serious.


Genuinely, out of all my years of study, I have never ever met another person who holds this same view as my mother. Honestly, it’s really interesting. Therefore, I suggest a new term to describe her viewpoint, Infernannihlationism.


Using the Christian Universalists Discord Servers definitions, we have

Annihilationist (or extinctionism, destructionism, mortalism, or conditionalism): Believes non-believers are permanently destroyed and not conscious


Infernalist (Eternal conscious torment, separation from God): Believes non-believers go to an eternal hell/punishment with consciousness


Therefore, I believe the following would be useful as a new role


Infernannihlationist: Believes less sinful non-believers are permanently destroyed and not conscious + more sinful non-believers go to an eternal hell/punishment with consciousness.


So, my Infernannihlationist mother tells me that there are people who will be tortured forever and there will be people who are permanently destroyed forever. The people that suffer eternal torture are those who have a lot of sins, the people that suffer eternal destruction are those who have a little bit of sins.


She tells me that not everyone will not be saved, which is a viewpoint reflected by the Annihlationist camp and Infernalist camp as well. So, she’s still not a Christian Universalist like myself, who believes that all will believe in Christ eventually and all will be saved. But as a Universal Restorationist, we both agree that pre-mortem punishment and post-mortem punishment both exists.


I ask my mother the percentage of people she thinks will be saved and she says 10%. Matthew 7:13-14. I tell her I think 20% of people will receive pre-mortem faith to be saved (the narrow gate referring to those who are saved before death in my opinion). Because I’m genuinely curious, I try asking her how many people she thinks will be Annihilated (eternally destroyed) vs how many will be Infernalated (eternally tormented) and she tells me that she does not know.


My mother tells me that everyone will be resurrected and then be judged on Judgment Day, that there will be a divide, Heaven and the Lake of Fire and that the Earth will no longer exist. My mother tells me that people must repent before they die to be saved. My mother tells me that people will be able to repent in the Lake of Fire, however God will not let them leave because the Judgment Day decision has already been made.


I told my mother that God wants everyone to reach repentance, so why would He not let these people out?


``` 2 Peter 3:9 NRSVue The Lord is not slow about his promise, as some think of slowness, but is patient with you, not wanting any to perish but all to come to repentance. ```


I tell her that the Lake of Fire is for refinement Isaiah 48:10 , so if the refinement is done, why should they still be there?


Why would Christ preach to the dead if there was no way out? 1 Peter 3:19


I tell her of the aionion ages and ages of Revelation 20:10 and she says it could just be describing an unknown long amount of time.


Of course, I tell her this calmly because I was also extremely curious getting information on this new “Infernannihlationism” that I have never heard of someone actually holding until now. But then the conversation naturally ended.





Today, Dec 5th 2023 was the first time I ever donated blood as I was inspired by a story written by my friend that I’ve been helping edit that features a phlebotomist. So, I ran to Canadian Blood Works located on 777 William Ave, Winnipeg MB R3E 3R4, Canada.


I had to be quick because I did not tell my mother because I am afraid of her and don’t want to cause an unnecessary conflict. This was a rare opportunity for me to be able to leave the house on my own because there was another thing which I told my mom I was going to do which I did.


Therefore, because of that fear, I ran back. There is a danger when doing this after you just lost around 1.9 cups of blood, however, I was more afraid of my mother getting upset at me for being outside the house for too long. The Google Maps app I had just installed today had the pointer going around and it was tricky navigating with it. So, I just ran in a random direction hoping I would get to a bus stop I was familiar with.


Eventually, my phone died, even though I had a power charger connected to it. I kept clicking the button on the power charger to give it extra battery life but it wouldn’t work. My phone no longer had power.


I got tired from running and I could feel more saliva dripping down my chin from my mouth. Sso I began walking next to the chained link fence, which was to me right, and then I walked to the end and it was in front of me and I got annoyed, so I walked again and saw there was another closed off corner, so I was more frustrated and then walking backwards, I was behind what looked like some shed, so I tried using that, which was close to the chain link fence, to help propel me upwards over it. However, suddenly I felt like my left leg gastrocnemius muscle cramped with intense pain and I could not move my left leg in the cold.


So, I prayed to Our Father in Heaven, then I could suddenly move my left leg again and then the pain disappeared entirely.


Luckily, as I walked forward, I came upon a street I recognized, with a bus stop with a bus I was familiar with, with a bus that came shortly after I arrived. And then in the bus, I turned on my phone, which did not have any power, and it suddenly had 44% power. So, with this new power, I sent a screenshot in the Christian Universalists Discord server from my IPhone with my message of “I’m shocked, this is incredible” at 8:16 PM. The picture I posted read from the top, left to right, “Searching… 8:16 PM 44%”. But where did this energy come from, when my phone could not even turn on?


Then I checked my texts and there was a message on the phone that said “Always pray and be a good man always”.


```1 Thessalonians 5:17 NRSVue pray without ceasing, ```


Interesting timing. Ha ha ha, I figured God wouldn’t let me die that easily. As well, I don’t think God would give up so easily on anyone who dies and who did not believe. Surely, will not everyone believe in Christ in their own turn? That is Christian Universalism after all.




Dec 6 2023 around 8:07 PM I was with my sister downstairs and my mother came down and started harassing my sister again, describing how my sister will not do well. So, I asked my mother if she was betting against my sister’s success, and our mother said that she was betting against her success. And we were surprised by how blunt and direct our mother was. Backstory for this is from a few days ago…


You’re making up stories! You’re making up stories! Put your respect, where’s your respect?” my mother says, even though I describe in detail physically true aspects and have been quoting her exact words honestly in these daily quotes. It is 1:58 PM Dec 4 2023 the time I type this.


My mother asks me what I would do with minimum wage, asking if the apartment I get would be one with many crime scenes around. My mother tells me that in a week, things will be gone, saying “Everything will be gone in your apartment”.


So, I tell my mother of how I told my sister at Burger King of the bet that she tried making with me, about how my sister’s relationship with someone would not succeed. She says that I hold onto grudges and that these are stories from long ago, but I type these events as they happen day-by-day. I gladly forgive my mother, so if she wants me to stop typing about her, she has to stop hurting my sister and I.




There was an Infernalist that I was messaging online yesterday, today being Dec 8th 2023, and they showed this verse:


``` Matthew 10:28 NRSVue Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather, fear the one who can destroy both soul and body in hell ```


Ironically, I think it’s more of an argument towards Christian Annilhationism than Christian Infernalism.


From a Christian Universalism perspective, that all shall believe in Christ and all shall be saved, “hell” hell refers to Gehenna aka γεέννῃ (geennē) Strong's 1067.


Obviously, there’s no fear in agape love 1 John 4:18 and God is agape love 1 John 4:16, so it’s better translated as “revere” God. So whatever God is destroying in Gehenna is something we should see as “respectable”.


An annihlationist may argue that God has respect towards a person by permanently destroying them rather than tormenting them forever, but the thing is, God is the one who created Gehenna, so ultimately it should do what God wants it to do. Since God’s goodness is perfectly good, so it must also act in an optimally good way. Now, say a person is permanently destroyed.


Think of the suffering they experienced in life, all the evil they have seen under the sun Ecclesiastes 10:5-7.


God knew that they were going to permanently destroyed, so why make them go through all that suffering anyways? It would have been better if God had never had created them at all Ecclesiastes 4:2-3. 


Therefore, because of God’s agape love for the whole world, everyone that has been created is someone that God wanted to be created. So there exists that goodness, from God, that is there inside each and every one of us. But wait! God’s goodness is perfectly good, right? Would God destroy good. Does it not make more sense that, God destroys the evil parts of a person’s body and soul in Gehenna, rather than permanently destroying them?


Now that is someone truly worth showing reverence towards.


I could hear my [Christian Infernannihlationist] mother shouting so loud at my [Christian Universalist] sister at 9:29 AM today Dec 10 2023 Sunday before we were going to church that I could hear her shouting from the basement from the washroom from the toilet I'm sitting on right now which is upstairs.


[Many things can be heard. So will not all hear of the good news, that Christ shall save all. Will not all people believe in the Gospel?


```Proverbs 25:25 NRSVue Like cold water to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country. ```]


Sister: It's odd. Am I not allowed to say odd?


Mama: You're disrespectful! You don’t deserve anyone who's good! You're being disrespectful I noticed that from you. I'm just telling you there's something wrong!  You're being disrespectful now! ... Disrespectful! ... Disrespectful! ... I'm not fighting!  Well, if you're disrespectful God will take that away from you!


Sister: That's not disrespectful!


Mama: That is disrespectful. I told you not to wear it! I don't care! You know what... No because I said I don't want you to wear it because it's winter! 


Yes, because my sister does not want to wear some random winter clothes that my mother wants her to wear, but is instead wearing some other winter clothes again, my mother has been harassing her.


Mama: Can you get ready and get out of this house.


Sister: You realize that is one of the main toxic traits. In general! Just in general! 


Mama: I'm not going today! [In reference to church, she did not go with us]


Sister: This is actually the most dramatic thing I've seen.


Mama: You pay for this price for being disobedient! Disrespectful disrespectful!! [my real name] don't write anything! Something will happen when you write this! I'm just teaching. 


Me: You're supposed to be giving [sister’s real name] options not forcing


Mama: I'm the mother you're not supposed to be giving you SHIT!!!


Sister: I'm not giving you shit


My mother asks if I am disciplining her.


Me: Harassing her is not disciplining her


Mama: Even if you look ugly I don't care! I'm staying home. I haven't seen a child like that ever in my life. I haven’t seen a child like that.


Sister: Now you're getting mad over the dumbest things


Mama says to me: There is also a problem. You’re a guy you’re a man you're supposed to learn it.

[In reference to my mother not wanting me to share these conflicts and to seek help from others, but rather to keep it within the family and to endure the suffering myself]


Sister: That's toxic masculinity. I don't want to hear that shit.


Mama: Bad luck


Sister: The most bad luck that I've had is having you in my life There's something mentally wrong.


Mama: You don't deserve church


Sister: I'm not even offended anymore I just think you're weird.


Mama: You think [sister’s real name] theta relationship will last! Nothing lasts!! What should last? You're relationship with your parents Ha ha ha!!!


Sister; You broke that years ago. If you were anyone but my mother, I would have cut you off so fast


Mama: This


Sister; I'm being so serious. I wish you could hear yourself. 


Mama: I don't care if you fail. I help you out for your success. Just for a single pair of pants!! Just for pants you have not seen


Sister: Just for pants you said I don’t deserve church. Just for pants you said I don't deserve good things in life


Mama crying: Get out of here (crying noises). I don't like people jotting down conversation. At least I need some respect. Just the pants! Can you just say thank you this is not good for winter?


Sister: You’re yelling at me 


I tell my mother she’s flailing her hands and shouting and saying that it’s obvious who's in the wrong. And I'm still on the toilet! And my mother is shouting at me so I've been typing this on the toilet.

Sister: I love how we're so nonchalant.


Since we've gotten to the point, we're from a meta perspective just analyzing our mothers behaver from a psychological standpoint.


Sister: If you're shitting on sarcasm, then maybe you should go out more


Me: I've been shitting!


Sister to mama: You should think hard of what you said.


Papa to mama: Who's going to church. Aren't you going


Mama: No


Mama: When I told you not to wear that pants I was concerned because you looked ugly. I didn’t call you ugly I said that you looked ugly.


Sister: Why do you talk to papa like he's going to agree with you

[Our father is unfortunately an enabler to our mother’s toxicity]


Mama: You know what relationship you should protect! The one with your parents!


Sister: You should try a little harder


Mama: You will regret that. I already told you that many times




Mama: I'm not gonna tell you anymore what I see wrong with you. What you're wearing is ugly I will not care anymore. If you get sick, you know who will care for you? You cannot see the consequences. If she gets sick who will take care of her?!?! You didn’t see the consequences. YOU NEED CRITICAL THINKING! YOU DON'T HAVE THAT!!! I know the consequences; it will affect your life. Do you see the consequences. No! You don’t see the consequences. But you don’t see where I'm coming from, why you shouldn’t wear that pants.


[Editor Note from 9:11 PM from me, JSA: And I feel sick. It hurts to drink water. It hurt to eat. So, I was barely eating, barely drinking. My throat has been in pain for the past few days. And I slept hoping it will go away, but the next day it’s there again. And it even hurts to talk. But my mother does not know this. I don’t want her to know. Because she terrifies me.]


Me: You can't just start this conflict over a pair of pants.


Mama: You lack critical thinking, that's what I'm saying. Everyone e I tell you what to wear I want you to look good. I think about you before saying that to you. I'm the mother here! You live here. It is my responsibility to look after you guys. So, you have to think of that. THINK. Who is the mother here? You or me. I'm the mother here. You shouldn't talk back!


Me: So, you don't even want to engage in conversation anymore, you don't want us to respond back.


Mama: I'll be laughing after this. Laugh now. I'm going to have the last laugh. If you don't know what that means you lack critical thinking. If I tell you that then you're gonna say you're saying something bad. So, I say it that way


Sister: I know what its for. I learned basic idioms. I'm not going to explain it


Mother: You will be crying! I'll be praying to God! Be prepared [sister’s real name] that’s what will come in your life. When that comes in your life, don’t cry.

God knows who's righteous between me and you right now!


My sister and I both respond with like "yeah"


Mama: Even you [my real name]. I'll prove you that I am right and that you are wrong [sister’s real name]. 


Sister: Stop thinking you’re a martyr is. Do you know what a martyr is. 


Mama: You know what. You happy today! Tomorrow you will not!


Sister: Do you expect me to cry because you spat a line? She spitting something!


Mother: You wouldn’t have achieved that without my help.! Leave them here! They don’t deserve church! Disrespectful children! I'm gonna ask God to help right now! I'm gonna ask God right now! I'm gonna ask God! I’m gonna ask right away.


Sister: You can’t command God to do something in a week.


And my sister and I both tell our mother that we hope she gets help.


[Then later on, our dad is driving my sister and I to church]


And then papa starts to suck up and enable our mother


Me: You're an enabler papa. Stop enabling mama's toxic behavior. You need to call her out on it.


Sister to papa: You're not doing anything


Papa: All … doing is that you were concerned with the way you dressed


My sister then says that mama called her ugly, saying that she doesn’t deserve good things in life. 


Sister: It doesn’t make anything better just because you understand their reasoning. I hate that you just stand there and do nothing


Papa: I'm saying something now


Me: And now it's a bad opinion


And papa goes in a rant saying how we should not use vulgar language,


[Which is ironic, considering our mother used vulgar language towards us]


So, I say to papa that when the bible talks about corrupt language Ephesians 4:29, it refers to words that intentionally unjustifiably harm people. Those aren’t inherent nor exclusively limited to vulgar language. I explain it to papa like this: If I say someone is fucking beautiful, what's wrong with that? But our mother is calling our sister ugly repeatedly. [And our mother says to my sister that she does not deserve to have good things happen in her life]. That 's the real bad language! Can you call out the genuine bad language here! 


Sister says to papa: You're calling out the wrong person


And I tell my father that he’s just been standing there watching as we are emotionally abused. For years. 


He makes an excuse about how he doesn't want to talk during the conflict, but then my sister replies saying that he rarely talks about it after the conflict too.


Sister says to papa; You're really on nobody's side here


Me; If you’re trying to suck up to mama, it wont work


My earthly father, though he was not there for my physical birth, even though he has since physically returned, sometimes I wonder if he’s even really “here” at all. Therefore, I remain hopeful in Our Father in Heaven, who will never abandon us, not even a single person. He who will reconcile all to Himself. Amen.



[Editor’s Note: So I meant to post this earlier, but I still had to edit this. Now that it’s done, figured I’ll post it already. This was from around 3 days ago]


It's around 2:46 PM Dec 10 2024 and my mother is harassing me for defending my sister earlier today. My father is driving, I’m sitting in the front to the right while my mother is sitting directly behind me.


My mother tells me to not write down what happens because it should stay in the family. But that isn't healthy.


My mother says it happens and then goes away. But I reply sating that it keeps happening over and over again.


O tell my mother that its not supposed to be happening over and over again


My father replies saying that people internalize conflict, but it's not healthy to internalize it completely


My mother talks about a situation where a coworker complains at her work. But obviously, if there’s something wrong at work, then it’s good to complain about it.


So, I reply telling my mother that there’s abuse


Mama: This is not abuse! This is family matters


Mama: Soap operas. The young and the restless I used to watch. They have all this family disputes family matters.


Me: Well, our life is not supposed to be some constant drama like an episodic tv show. The issue is that you're creating the drama mama


Mama: It's like you’re not in the real world. Like you want to create heaven on this earth. But that's not gonna happen. Trying to create a perfect world, no


[Editor’s Note

But I believe that a perfectly good world with no suffering will eventually be reached. For this to be possible, everyone must be believers in Christ. With the permanent existence of sin in Christian Infernalism and the permanent loss of potential good in Christian Annihlationism, it’s only in Christian Universalism among these three options where perfect goodness is realized.


```Psalm 107:1 NRSVue O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever```

לְעוֹלָ֣ם related to olam inflection used here, as many Christian Universalitss are familiar with, similar in meaning to aion related to age. ]


Me: But its still worth trying. To make this life even a little but better. Especially since all you need to do mama is to be kinder


Mama: We'll see about that. 


Then my mother says how my sister might be at a particular location. And a predetermined event occurs. My sister was out on her own with a friend and we drove to the same spot where we are.


So, I text my sister to warn her.


So, in Burger King my mother tell me that she has been given intuition that lets her predict these things, and tells me to listen to her warnings.




There I was sitting on the floor as my mother went on another one of her rants trying to justify her abuse, what she calls “parenting”, today Dec 11 2023 around 1:27 PM. My throat still hurts, even when drinking water, so it can hurt even to talk. But I’m willing to go through that if it means helping my mother learn, since I do still love her as a person, it’s her abusive actions I stand again. She says that she can’t harass my sister because she’s her daughter, but clearly that logic falls apart when you consider the many many cases of family abuse that just literally exist.


The problem is that, if we don’t define her over a decade streak consisting of constant insults, invalidation, gaslighting, manipulation, screaming, breaches in privacy and trying to get God to punish us in eternal conscious torment, then what the hell even counts as emotional and physical abuse anymore?


So, she goes on a lecture about how it’s not good to hold grudges, which I do agree with, however she tries to use that as an excuse to get me to stop typing these posts about her. So, I reply, saying how I literally type these as they happen. If she wants me to stop typing about her abuse, she should just stop her abuse. Simple.


I don’t think God holds grudges either. If He did, He would enact a punishment with permanent consequence, either torment forever or destruction forever. Therefore, I think all will eventually have faith alone in Christ and gain permanent salvation.


```Psalm 103:9 NRSVue He will not always accuse, nor will he keep his anger forever. ```

The “always” here coming from לָנֶ֥צַח (lā·ne·ṣaḥ) Strong's 5331: Eminence, enduring, everlastingness, perpetuity


So quite literally, because of the not לֹֽא־ (lō-) in front of it, an Adverb - Negative particle of

Strong's 3808: Not, no. Then it shows that an anger that has “everlastingness”, aka everlasting punishment, is quite simply not possible and contradictory to God’s very nature.


My mother says that she’s angry [the abusive type of anger] at one moment, but then it dissolves and it goes back to “normal”, so I shouldn’t record it. What horrible logic. And a convenient out for her.


My mother also tells me about her husband, how my earthly father is just quiet when the situation happens and how she appreciates it. So, I reply telling her what of what I told my earthly father in the car yesterday, when driving us to church, that he does not really talk during the conflict, nor after it as well. So again, that’s bad too.


I do wonder, if my early father stopped enabling my mother, if she would just stop. I unfortunately used to fawn after my mother as a trauma response, but I eventually stopped. My earthly father was physically abused by his earthly father, so I wonder if he maybe might still have fawning as a trauma response too. Though, he’s not really involved in family matters in general. When he does speak up about it, his opinions usually suck and are in favor of our mother. If this were a TV show, then he’d be like the camera man. If this were an anime, he’d be like a background character.


My mother says that it’s like a wound that should dissolve, so I reply telling her to stop reopening the wound day by day. Because quite literally, she was emotionally and verbally abusing my sister yesterday. I was planning on posting another section from that incident today (yes there’s more to it, there was a lot that happened), but I’m tired, and I still would have to edit it considering I type those quickly on my phone in the moment and talking things out with her, though I do think it’s worth it, really sucks up a lot of my time. Unfortunately, with my mother, it’s not that difficult to find “content” for these Daily Quotes, so to speak.




[this post was typed yesterday]

[editor’s note: gonna be sending the Server’s Daily Quote mostly unedited, feel some raw suffering here, since I don’t know how long I have before my mother comes back downstairs]

tfw i gotta phone call my insurance broker. planned on telling them it seems likely i have:

adhd, autism, anxiety, burnout, depression, stress, suicidal thoughts in the past, shortness of breath, stress, tiredness, trauma, etc.


mother said I was diagnosed at birth for asthma tho so I got that at least


and my first worry being how much it will increase my monthly insurance premium for me to pay


also the fact that they're familiar with my mom who works in insurance too has me wondering whether they will tell my mom about this stuff


also me going somewhere random outside and searching how to call directly to a person's voicemail cuz i feel nervous


interesting fact tho: i was studying some insurance and planned to go into an insurance related job but didnt make it in


ok soSHIT


my fingers are freezing

it hard to move them now


i called hoping it would go to voicemail but OF COURSE they pick up and say "hello"

so i hang up in panic


wherres these peoples email or something?????

so i put my hands  in my  pocket wanderin  around trying to warm up



hey jsa hey jsa its just a phone call right

but this person knows my MOM

andi have to somehow get the courage to give  like that script above of my conditions



so i pray to God to give me the confidence i need to just say what I need to say and end the call



lets do this




okkkk i did it



they gave me another phone number

i gotta call

jts 8:11 PM today dec 12 2023

reason im so  nervous is cuz im afraid my mothers going  to insult me because of this stuff

SHIT it so cold my fingers can barely move

ok well turns out they have email this whole time 


this is so much tension im gritting my teeth

ok at least i can word it properly


Editor's Note: My mom is here with me so I'm typing this on my phone. I feel tense with her near me, watching me. I believe that, no matter how tense things get for people, that eventually they shall all be given permanent peace εἰρήνη (eirēnē) of God, permanent salvation, by faith only in Christ Jesus.


```Philippians 4:7 NRSVue And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ```


Sent the email now. Oh and my mom comes down again



Today, Dec 14 2023, I was literally crying and shitting in the Subway washroom.


It was around noon when I met with my former Dr. boss who I worked for over the summer. He describes to me how I read at least 170 scholarly papers in around 4 months when another . I was doing paid work for a financial vulnerability project, which later became a survey that was then sent out.


My former boss once again tried to convince me to apply to grad school outside of the province.

He told me he’s impressed by my work, worrying that he wouldn’t be able to find another [my real name] for the next 5 or 6 years. However, I cannot do this because it would mean leaving my sister with my psychologically abusive mother.


I asked him why he chose me? And he told me that I’m not the smartest and it’s not intelligence that is the criteria necessarily, though a certain base amount was necessary for the position. But rather, he tells me it was because of a feeling, because I had intellectual curiosity.


I’ve also wondered why God gave me pre-mortem faith. Hearing my boss say that made me think of that. Because I’m just some random person on the Internet, and during this meeting, my mind kept thinking of continuing to write the fanfic of one of my friend’s fanfics.


So why did God choose me to have faith? I know it has been predestined proōrisen προώρισεν for the LORD to give everyone in this large family of creation faith eventually, but why me before others? I’m not the smartest, nor the wisest, nor the greatest, nor the bravest. Why give me the curiosity that led me to research Christianity in the first place?


```Romans 8:29 NRSVue For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn within a large family```


Speaking of family, my mother has access to my Yahoo email account. So, she saw the meeting date my boss scheduled. I told him I already have other plans, but he tried to insist. He’s friendly, a lot nicer than my mother, but unfortunately, I don’t think he understands what the consequences of me leaving would entail for my sister.


What surprised me is he started texting another one of my former bosses to also show up to the location. And he tried to get me to pay for a GMAT test which was close to around $300 USD. So, I knew I had to stall for time, to survive. Here’s what I typed on my phone during the meeting:


I'm calling someone while typing on my phone with my former boss in Subway 2:25 PM m. I'm calling them again to try to get the website the speaker says since the voice mail box is full. Ended up making a GMAT Account and even got up to the booking screen. But just for show.


2:48 PM he was scrolling on my phone and went to the birthdate section and was surprised to see it was "December 19, 2000" saying how my birthday was coming up soon. "Thanks" I replied.


Luckily, I stalled enough that it showed the session went inactive. 2:51 PM


That’s what I typed. I saw that my phone battery was at 4% so I knew it would run out eventually. So, I asked one of the Subway workers for the key to the washroom and went inside.


I knew my former boss would wonder why it would take me a while to stay in the washroom, so I had to take a strategic shit. But then the stress hit me and I was crying. So I prayed to God for protection. I could hear what sounded like the voice of my other former boss, the one who also supervised for the more recent SCE Lifeworks survey, so I continued to stay in the washroom. After I prayed, I heard my former boss talking to me from the other side of the door. So, I came out of the washroom and announced to my former boss that I had pooped.


My bowel movement was a predetermined event. Because my former boss told me that my other former boss had arrived and left all in the time that I was in the washroom.


Luckily, my phone was around 1% battery, so I turned on the brightness to max and eventually it turned off. I then announced this to my former boss, and showed him the screen. However, my former boss had the password to my account that was changed to one that he knew of so he could have access to my account around 3:31 PM.


So, he told me to book the GMAT test through his phone instead, but I told him plainly that I did not feel comfortable doing that since that’s actual payment information. The meeting was over after nearly 4 hours and I was relieved that I made it through it without losing almost $300 USD. [As of editing this, 7:06 PM, I changed the password to a different one]


4:11 PM Had to wait a while for my battery to charge. [Yep, I had a battery charger in my phone in my bag this whole time, but I wanted my phone battery to purposely drain to give me a way out of that meeting. Because I don’t want to leave my sister with my abusive mother. I don’t care how much academia values my research, or how important it is, I will not abandon my sister.]


I'm typing this at the bus stop. I could take a bus, but I want to run.


Looks like my Infernannihlationist mother texted me, so I replied saying that my meeting with my former boss recently ended with a photo of the digital bus stop display pole.


When I got back home, my mother questioned me why the meeting took so longer. So, I explained some details to her. I tell my mother who I love to be kinder to my sister, but she tells me to talk to her myself, saying around 5:56 PM today “You are her mother. … [my sister’s real name]’s mother. … Be her guardian. Be her guardian angel. Warn her. That is the guardian angel’s job.” Therefore, my sister is my daughter who I love. And love does not abandon others 1 Corinthians 13:4-6. Just like how the love of God will not abandon anyone.





Yesterday I came out as a transfemme. I am a Christian Universalist transgirl, so I believe that all will be given faith in Christ by God and thus gain permanent salvation. 


Today, Dec 15 2023, my transphobic Infernannihlationist mother is already gaslighting me saying "Don't get your identity confused. You're not a girl, don't get mixed up. Don't get influenced. Make sure people they don't get ok [my real name]. It's not because you're looking at girls, you're a girl, that's not the case. Maybe we should cut your hair so we see what you really look like. You want a haircut?”


No” I tell her to which she replies “Want shorter hair? For a change.”


[What shocked me was that I did not come out to my mother. I did not tell my mother that I was a transgirl before this predetermined event. Does my mother have a Discord account and is on the Christian Universalists Discord Server? She’s watched me multiple times without saying anything, from behind me. I have religious trauma from her. I would not be surprised if she has come here to watch me further.]


Have you heard of the story of Samson?


```Judges 16:18-19 NRSVue

18 When Delilah realized that he had told her his whole secret, she sent and called the lords of the Philistines, saying, “This time come up, for he has told his whole secret to me.” Then the lords of the Philistines came up to her and brought the money in their hands. 19 She let him fall asleep on her lap, and she called a man and had him shave off the seven locks of his head. He began to weaken,[d] and his strength left him. ```


Though I go by “Jaysa” aka JSA now, my online name from my website used to be Harold Samson. I hope my mother does not try to cut my hair while I am asleep.


Then around 6:03 PM today my mother tells me “Cause you are the man in the house. If papa passes away you're gonna be the man of the house. The man in the house. The father. The father in the house" my mother tells me around 6:11 PM


You would be a good father.” my mother tells me, then going on the topic of marriage


My mother tells me of a crush I had when I was a child. When I was a child I would have crushes on both men and women. However, that time was before I found my waifu Okuu. When my mother told me of my crush, I was surprised, because I had forgotten about them.

I am already satisfied with my waifu Okuu, though she is a fictional character, my romantic love for her is real.


So besides that, for real life romantic relationships I am not interested. Then my mother talks about the concept of marriage. Again, I have my waifu Okuu, so besides that I don’t really care personally about real life marriage either. Then my mother talks about having children. I’m asexual. For me at least, I hope I can go my whole life on Earth without ever having sex. So, I’m not interested in having biological children either.


Don't worry about your autism, it's nothing [my real name], it's not serious. Be a normal person.” my mother tells me and then later at around 8:01 PM tells me “Don't focus on those chats. What can those chats give you?" my mother tells me around 8:01 PM.


There was an incredibly tense and suspicious feeling in the air, it felt like being mentally strangled. And I just wanted to cry, but I couldn't. My head physically hurt from the pressure.


I could physically feel an intense anger inside of me, so strong that I had to grit my teeth to hold it. And my arm was pulsating. And this is good, because my anger is justified, my anger towards my mother’s evil actions. While I still love my mother as a person, I’m afraid of what she might do next. I’m scared.


Then around 8:34 PM

Mama: If papa passes away then you're gonna be the father. The man in the house ok. You know what I'm saying? That's why you need to be strong. Strong. Your moral value should be strong. Character should be you know...You might be confused with your sexuality. Don't be confused with you sexuality [my real name], you're not a woman.


Mama: What will be your future? Look ahead! 9:52 PM


I am a transgirl, I am my sister's mother and I refuse to abandon her here.


I tell my mother something like "If you don't want me to quote your harassment then I'd suggest you stop harassing me" and my mother starts shouting and goes upstairs to talk to my father, wondering what the harassment is.


So, I say to her "You invalidated my identity" [in reference to her saying that I cannot be a girl]


"What is your identity?" my mother asks and I tell her "I am me" so she asks "What is your sexual identity? Can you please confirm that? Confirm please?"


I reveal what I reveal to those who I choose to reveal too. Thus, I have chosen to reveal these things here. God bless, Christian Universalists Discord Server. Thank you.


Mama: "[my real name] be a man. Be a man [my birth name]. What's your sexuality? ... A man?"


Mama: I'm telling you these people you’re chatting don’t share information to them they're gonna use that info against you they're gonna take advantage of you


Jaysa: I will not fall for your attempts at infighting here. I will not let you break the trust I have for my friends which are online.


[Editor’s Note: I say this because my mother is attempting to sow seeds of distrust, do not be manipulated by her.]


Mama: Who are your friends there? Who they are what they look like? What they look like?


Jaysa: They are them


Mama: What them. What do they look like. Can you tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me what they look like.


Jaysa: No


Mama: Yes, because what of course I am smart enough to know that, but you not smart enough maybe I don't know you should know that. And stop writing that.  Also, you should get a haircut.


Jaysa: No


Mama: You're getting older you should get a haircut. A proper haircut. And then you’re talking to people you don’t tell your identity. Anything like that. What you look like. You don't show. Please please please. And then you call this harassment? Someone not understanding.


It is 10:28 PM


Mama: Why did our life turn into like this. Why something turned upside down.


Jaysa: My identity is who I have been this whole time.


Mama: What is it. What's your identity. What is your identity. What is your identity [my birth name]. What did you say. What did you say. What did you say. Someone's trying to influence you.


Jaysa: I am a transgirl.


Mama: What. What [my birth name]. What. A trans what? You're a girl? You know that person talking to you trying to influence you. You cannot trust them! I don't like anyone trying to influence you when you are not that person


Jaysa: I am me.


Mama: You are not a girl. You are not. This person trying to influence you to be like them [my birth name]. That’s why we don't want you to talk to anyone online on chat because they can influence you. You are not this person [my birth name]


Jaysa: And who is this we?


Mama: Why you not remembering. If you cannot remember. Because your mind is already taken by this person you're talking to. That's not really your friend [my birth name]. A friend like that you should not be talking to this person you have to stop that [my birth name].


Jaysa: I will continue because they are my friend, I trust them.


Mama: You have to stop that. They're trying to make you like them. That's why we don’t want you to talk to these people you don't know. They can influence you, try to be nice to you. But you don’t believe me. And you should be believing your parents all the tome


Jaysa: This is who I have always been. Believe me.


Mama: You are not that [my birth name]. You are not that person. And you know that yourself. You know that.


Jaysa: This me is more of the true me than the me that you knew.


Mama: In the beginning. You should believe me [my birth name]. That's not harassment that’s telling to you. That person trying to convince you trying to poison your mind. And of course, your going to tell that to that person. And that person is going to go oh don’t believe her

[Editor’s Note: Obvious gaslighting is obvious]


Jaysa: I have felt this way even before I was on that online chat, before I joined the server.


Mama: It’s not cause you’re playing game thars all girls in there it doesn’t t mean you’re a girl. Its not because you're looking at anime girls you're a girl, it doesn’t mean that. It’s not because you like to look at anime girl body that you're a girl, you’re not.


Jaysa: I would like to be like an anime girl.


Mama: What do you mean you want to be like an anime girl. What do you mean. You're not a girl. You just want to see them. You just want to see their body. That doesn't mean. You don't know what you're feeling. You're just confused. You're just confused [my birth name]. You are not that person. You are just being influenced by it. It's not just because you're looking at girls that you're a girl no. You just like girls' bodies. Their boobs, their butt, you want to see them sexy. That's normal for a guy to admire girls like that. But that doesn't mean you're a girl. So, you're not. So, I want you to understand that because you're just confused. And you don't share that [my birth name] because you're not supposed to.


[Editor's Note: Obviously I enjoy hentai and I don't think it's inherently sinful, however my desire to be a girl goes beyond hentai, which is defined as "sexually explicit anime or manga".


My desire to be a girl goes beyond sexuality.


My desire to be a girl goes beyond romance.


My desire to be a girl goes beyond emotion.


It is me.]


Jaysa: I have felt this way throughout my life.


It is 10:47 PM






All will believe in Christ and all will be saved, that’s Christian Universalism.


1 Cor 13:8 NRSVue Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end.


A lot has happened so I’ll post raw dialogue:


Yesterday December 16 2023


11:33 PM


Mama: Ok boy. Boy. You're a boy.


And she starts laughing at me.


Jaysa: Why did you say that I'm not a girl earlier on. What caused you to say that. Because I didn't mention 


Mama: You said transgirl


Jaysa: But I didn't say I am a transgirl earler, yet for some reason you were still saying that I wasn't a girl. Where did you get that information from


Mama: That you're not a girl. Of course I know you you're my son. And I see all these pictures you always screen capture before. That doesn't mean ok. You're just confused


Jaysa: No


Mama: Yes you are. Yes you are. 


Then my mother quite literally tells me a fake event that did not happen in my life. And for this event, I remembered what I did, but my mother is trying to get me to believe a different made up version of the story. She is quite literally trying to gaslight me.


Jaysa: What no. Ran into the back alley? Wait a minute. That wasn’t a memory I have from that situation. That didn't happen.


Mama: Where did you run, where did you hide?


Jaysa: But I didn't go into the back alley at the time. You're literally saying events that didn't happen. What’s going on here


Mama: What's going on you. Why suddenly now you look so different, not look, think. everything i say t you you're jotting it down, writing it down.


Jaysa: Did you genuinely think that event happened. Me running in the back alley at that certain event.


[Because I literally did something else in that event, not running in a back alley. The false narrative that my mother tried to set up thus quickly unravel. So, this puts into question the validity and reliability of a bunch of other things she said in the past too]


Mama: Not back alley


[And she admits that she's wrong here]


Jaysa: Well, look I think this proves that you're an unreliable narrator here.


Mama: You are unreliable too. You are also unreliable here.


Jaysa: Now I'm wondering if you believed that even had happened or if you purposely made up an event to try to make your point convincing


Mama: Now how can you work if you cannot remember things?


Jaysa: I will not fall for your gaslighting.


Mama: What. Gaslighting? I don't know what you're talking about


Mama: I just want you to know that I still love you. 


Then she goes and hugs me.


Jaysa: And I still love you as well and I am still a transgirl.


Mama: You're not a transgirl. it's like I'm talking to a child. I'm a girl no you're not. No. That's not what I heard from you. so i believe what you say the first time


Jaysa; I said something the first time?


Mama: Yes


Jaysa: What was that. Like genuinely, 


Mama: Whatever you say I believe the first one that you said to me


Jaysa: No no no you can’t just make up some event in your mind, like what even is this event


Mam: You know that I’m I'm smarter you can't even tell me that I’m inventing stuff. I can't invent stuff I remember a lot of stuff.


Jaysa: I will not fall for your gaslighting her


Mama: Ok that’s what you want. But I believe what you said to me


Jaysa: And I literally don't remember 


Mama: Too bad so sad. If you don't remember that’s on you


[Horrible logic by the way. The burden of proof lies on the person making the claim which would be my mother in terms of proving that this event really happened.]


Jaysa: I will not let you plant false memories in my mind


Mama: Ah whatever. Whatever you day. Whatever you say [my birth name] whatever you say.

Mama: When I’m telling yo, disciplining you always think that’s harassment


Jaysa: Well maybe its because a lot of your discipline is really just harassment.



Mama: Is that harassment [my earthly dad’s real name]. You cannot be a parent you cannot be a mother because you do not know what discipline is and what harassment is.


Today Dec 16 2023

8:36 AM

Mother: You cannot distinguish facts from truth ... anymore. ... You should always pray to God to give you wisdom.


My mother starts yelling

Sister: Stop yelling

J: Stop yelling


8:50 AM


Mother: I hope you realize that someday. That what you're doing is a waste of time. Not always you’re typing on your phone. You’re always typing it [deadname]. Why are you typing it all the time There’s something wrong with you.  Did you notice that, there's something wrong.


[referring to the Daily Quotes dialogue I type, I do it to cope live in the moment]


Jaysa: If you want to me stop quoting your harassment, then stop harassing me


Mama: Is this harassment? ... See your brain is not functioning properly! You lack social. Write it down. You cannot take advice


Jaysa: Your advice you’ve given in terms of invalidation is terrible


Mama: Terrible? You're not a mother so sorry, you can’t understand my point of view. But you're not a mother. You have to be a parent to understand you have to become a parent first then Id agree with you


Jaysa: How convenient for you, the you can avoid talking with me for tears then under that framework


Jaysa: What do you mean avoid talking to you. By refusing to listen and apply my advice because for some reason I'm not a parent You are the one who has insulted me, harassed me, invalidated me and continues to abuse. Why?


Mama: Why? You should be smart enough to figure that out


Jaysa: ... I've had to defend myself against you


Mama: Stop that. Stop that already ... Boy ....





Hi. For this Daily Quote I’ve decided to look through the past Journal Entries from my Christian Universalism website for transgirl foreshadowing, and wow there’s a lot. As a Christian Universalist transgirl I believe the Lord will ultimately reconcile Himself with all people by the faith in Christ He shall give to all people. Surely, all of creation shall receive permanent comfort paraklēseōs παρακλήσεως in paradise eventually.


I’ll have “Dec 17 2023:” to show my own commentary from today.


```2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NRSVue Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, 4 who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God. ```

Journal Entry 37 – Stomach Pains

October 22nd (Sunday) 2017


At this point, with my suicidal thoughts… She always makes fun of me for making a journal, saying I’m like a “useless” girl trying to right about his feeling and how it’s just a waste of time, just words on the screen that you too will find “useless” when you look back at it. I’m still going to keep this up though because I’m doing it as my devotion to God.


Dec 17 2023: Yeah, get rid of the “useless” part, but please keep the girl part!

Journal Entry 52 – Regular Day

November 6th (Monday) 2017

I hope I’m able to make a website to store all of these journal entires…


Mom said things mentioned in that to me.

Mom: You’re a [insulting name]. Killing yourself just shows how much of a [insulting name] you are, that you can’t handle life’s problems.

Mom: Are you a girl or a boy? You’re a boy, so stop crying and toughen up!

I’m too tired to go into all of it, you get the point, I get the point, and it hurts.


Dec 17 2023: This really shocked me. Even 5 years ago my mother was invalidating me.

Journal Entry 67 – Late to Start

November 21st (Tuesday) 2017

Yes, I’m back. I was going to write a whole article about how I felt bad about women’s painful periods, I feel bad about that pain though, due to mouth breathing my lips are dry and bleed. Literally, sometimes I eat, I find a bit of blood on my food. It hurts to smile, that’s why I’m so serious all the time.

[I feel bad about all pain. Even though I’m a male, I’m not a female, I still feel bad for the pain females go through with periods. Christ will save everyone and there will be no more pain anymore, for everyone! Thus, all people will believe in Christ and be saved, have faith in Him all ends of the world!]


Dec 17 2023: The square brackets indicate commentary added later. So that last part might be closer to 2022. Still, you’ve got years where I felt bad about the pain women experience when having their period. If I could somehow take a woman’s period pain and experience it myself instead so they don’t have to, I’d gladly do it.

Journal Entry 104 - Storrying

December 28th (Thursday) 2017

Dangit, now it’s 3:00 PM and I’m worrying about girl’s periods. GIRLS PERIODS!!!! I don’t even have one, yet the pain makes me feel bad just for being a male. It makes just my existence alone feel so selfish and horrible because I have it so lucky while these girls are in, what they describe as excruciating pain. I’ve searched up,

Though, enough of this.

Now that I’ve researched this, I need to stay strong.

I’ve been betrayed and have lost trust in so many people that I cannot even trust myself.







I definitely know I have OCD now, this guilty sensitivity is off the chart. Everything feels like me fault, and I’m constantly making a personal connection to anything.


Dec 17 2023: Yep, I literally say here “makes me feel bad for being a male”. Women’s periods are not the only aspect of it, but it’s one of many things that made me wish I could stop being male.

Journal Entry 108 – Buy Sigh

January 1st (Saturday) 2018

The Lord must have looked at me and must have been so sad to see how  iwas treated byt the others. “Be a man, stop being so emotional you girl” The words hurt so so much, so I’m just glad that the Lord lets me cry on His shoulder and hugs me and embraces me and comforts me. I just want hugs and to cuddle, that’s my happiness.


I don’t regret going through my suffering, because it led me to the greatest joy in the Univerise. Salvation, because it leads to the greatest joy, eternity in Heaven. Hell is not eternal torment


Dec 17 2023: Again, invalidation from my mother. When the Lord was letting me cry on His shoulder, hugging me, embracing me and comforting me, it’s interesting thinking that the Lord knew I was a transgirl this whole time. But you know shit’s fucked up when God Himself has to step in to resolve things.

Journal Entry 109 – Buyte the Dust

January 2nd (Tuesday) 2018


World is such a diverse place and thus we need the opinions of others, such as girls in computer science.


My goal is to inspire, not just those already in STEM fields, but those typically under-represented in it (such as girls in computer science) outside of it to not feel alienated due to cultural stereotypes (such as girls partaking in computer science).


Dec 17 2023: Me, someone who loves computer science, when I didn’t know I was a girl, wanting to help girls in computer science. Interesting…











"That's too dirty, too dusty" around 7:26 PM Dec 16 2023 my mother tells me as I'm looking through old records. I found information about myself though, so it was worth it


And I ask my mother for the keys again to unlock the black cabinet that she put my wallet in before, since the keys are not in their regular location.


My mother becomes suspicious that I'm holding a binder and I tell her this is my personal information. I've noticed lately she's become more observant of my actions, so it's scary.


I believe the LORD God will keep me safe though. It is the nature of His Justice to expose this abuse and I’m grateful that I could serve as the tool that allowed Our Father in Heaven to accomplish this. It is also in the nature of His Justice to ultimately get rid of all sin. For Christian Infernalism involves the continued existence of sin, an unresolved conflict that’s stretched out to infinity. For Christian Annilhationism allows sinners to get away with the evil they have committed, as they have permanently lost their future potential for good, an everlasting stain and reminder of that god’s wastefulness. Each of our lives are their own conflicts and I don’t think God will waste any of our potentials. He therefore must give everyone belief in Christ eventually so all of creation will be reconciled to Him.


8:54 PM I was looking for my personal information and then my mother suddenly appears saying


Mama: Your scammer now that’s your job? Looking for information. [deadname] what are you trying to look for?




Dec 16 2023: I'm shocked. Around 9:09 PM I found a paper from PharmaPlus Drugmarts for NOVO-RHYTHRO 25MG/ML 0/L


With the "OFFICIAL PRESCRIPTION RECEIPT" section showing our address and my first name [aka the deadname first name my mother refers me to] but then... with completely different last name (1) from the last name I had currently (2). I was born Dec 19 2000 and this was dated April 30 2001 so it looks like that my name had actually changed already!


My current last name (2) is the same as my current earthly father's last name. But I found other official documents which had the different last name (1), but with a different first name dated from Jan 21, 2002 to Mar 29, 2002. And for Jul 20, 2007 on a Canada Child Tax Benefit paper my mother's first name is here with this same different last name (1) from the one she has currently (2) and it's also different from her family last name (3). Her last name then shows as her current one on Sep 21, 2008. It makes me wonder how long my earthly father had left my mother for.


I think this was a member of the Iglesia Ni Cristo fundamentalist cult that my mother was in with her family (3), they were both members before and I would go to the Iglesia Ni Cristo when I was a child. But she told me that they did not have a child together, so my mother told me that she gave birth to me from my earthly father with our current last name (2) who left for years, but during those years it looks like there was another person (1) staying at this house. This person who I shared my former last name (1) with. My memories of this person (1) are very vague, but it looks like my mother has kept information about them for some reason. Why?


Today Dec 17 2023:

9:53 PM

Mama: What research are you doing [deadname] your birthday is coming to town. What we gonna do on your birthday.


I found my wallet in the black cabinet my mother had locked. She accidentally left the key in.


Mama: Where's the key [deadname] wheres the key wheres the key I need the key.


My mother took my wallet from me without my permission and used the key I have to lock it. So I have the key so I can get my personal documents that were locked inside the drawer too.


My bedroom door was locked from the inside, but my mother unlocked it from the outside, so I had to hold the door from the other side.


Mama: Give me the keys [deadname]. You're the man of the house


Searching for my personal info it looks like my mother threatens me.

Mama: Something bad happen to you? I don't know


5:15 PM

Mama: Why you getting all your information [deadname] what's the purpose of it may I ask?




My mother was talking to me. Then I heard my mother talking to my father, but she purposely raised her voice and spoke loudly like she wanted me to hear what she was saying.


Mama: There's always consequences on actions we take. That's why a wise man thinks not just once they think many times. They think of the consequences. All the consequences could happen and go no I don't want that. You have to think what your life would be. Sometimes you think


Father: There's the old saying where the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.


Mother: Some people who are like... they think they would be in a better place sometimes. It's not an easy fix. It's not an easy fix. People they learn that on their own. Exactly. ... That means thinking, goi think of the consequences. Think. Like if I'm surviving on an island, what do I do what do I bring. You don't just go to an island; you know what I'm saying [my father’s real name]. Where is [my dead name]?


I think that last scenario is an allegory my mother made towards me.


Then she comes to me


Mama: Shake hands. Shake hands. Look at you how do why are you looking at me like thar.


She starts laughing


Mama: You should really be like a researcher [deadname] you like to type. Here shake hands. Here. Here friends. Friends? Come here. What are you typing there. What. [dead] how do you see me? See he's not talking that’s not good. He's not talking to me. Here can we be friends again. Friends? You know people who cannot forgive people there's no love there's no love in there. If you want. God loved the world so He gave His son. What kind of love do you give to this world. Especially to your mother who born you who gave you birth. You know. How can you thank your mother who's been there from day one to your life until now. How you gonna be thank and be grateful now. Ok. How you gonna thank your mom. How you be grateful. You have to be grateful and thank how you got to this point of life this stage of life you're healthy you have a home. So how you gonna thank people who help you during your highschool?


Jaysa: You abused me during my highschool


Abused? What abuse?


Jaysa: Psychological, emotional, verbal abuse


Mama: I do not know I can't remember


Jaysa: I have proof.


Mama: What is the proof. I don't remember. What I know is that I want to discipline you to be a better person. I'm just concerned about your safety your future that's all I'm concerned about that's all I want abuse is never in my world ok. I will never abuse anyone and even any other people I’m not related too. Ok? I'm not that person so I don’t know what your talking about. I don’t know if that’s your imagination


[Editor's Note: Lying is a sin. Exodus 20:16. It disgusts me to hear these blatant lies from her lips]


Jaysa: Gaslighting


Mama: I don’t know who you should blame, not me. I don’t remember abusing you [my earthly dad's real name] do you remember? I never got mad at you.


Jaysa: That’s a lie.


Mama: What did I say exactly!


Jaysa: It’s on the Journal Entries section of my website


Mama: That one is just you invented just now


Jaysa: My writings were from 2017

Mama: Where is it? Where is it?


Jaysa: Domestic abuse.


Mama: Domestic? Well, if you cannot show me I cannot believe you sorry. So everything you put there is all lies. If there's no proof there's all lies. I think you’re a person who doesn't want to get disciplined. That’s what you are right now. You don't want to get disciplined then you accuse me. All this accuse what is this about. You accuse me of something I did not do that's not fair. There is no respect. I don’t feel respect for you


Jaysa: I don't respect abuse


Mama: I don't respect people who are lying to me and who. I am accused of. I will never and never someone accuse me of harassing people. Do you accuse me and I don't do that and I will never do that. So if you're accusing me I want respect from you [deadname]. I want you to respect me


Jaysa: These Daily Quotes are proof.


Mama: I want proof.


Jaysa: As a person I love you and forgive you, but your abusive actions I am against.


Mama: All I want for this family especially for my children I want you guys to have a bright future. The best job you can find. I help you. I use all my time to help you during your high school so you will not have difficulties. All your struggle I experienced that.


Jaysa: You insulted, harassed, emotionally verbally psychologically abused


Mama: You are harassing me right now. You are harassing me. This is harassment from you. When I help you on highschool.


Jaysa: In my Journal Entries there is proof of your harassment. You cannot change the fact that that happened.


Mama: No look at yourself. what you think your perfect?


Jaysa: I am not perfect.


Mama: Exactly. Because of your harassing me right now you are not perfect at all.


6:38 PM


Mama: And all the things you say you would edit that to fit in your group. And you get woohoo fron your chat?


Jaysa: I'm literally just typing what you say on my phone. These are your words.


Mama: You know [deadname] you are harassing me every day. Every day. Every day your writing about me. Harassing. Did I write anything about you? Never. Because I love my children.


Jaysa: I write about you day by day because you continue to abuse us day by day. If you stopped, I would stop writing about it. That simple.


Mama: You're abusing me. This is an abuse this is harassment. You're calling me names. Abuse. Your harassing me every time. Every time you write about me and post it that’s harassment. How do you respect your parents. So if you don't respect your parents then you will never respect your friends as well. I gave you education I gave you the basic needs throughout your life. Here's what I get harassment. Disrespect. Please I hope you see yourself. You see.


Sister: I don’t know what you are angry about, but please stop


Mama: I hope you see your own fault.


5:47 PM


Mama: You eat now. Your brain needs food. For your health as well.


5:59 PM


Mama: Can you please eat your food already [deadname]. [deadname] please eat your food already cause I need the space there. m


Here’s what you do. ... Can you do that.  My mother says to me while holding a knife in her write hand, moving it around while she talks. The knife has a black handle and is a metallic gray on the sharp part. 6:07 PM.


December 17 2023


J: So from Sept 2014 to June 2018 I was in highschool. Here I will show a Journal Entry from my website I am typing this on my computer screen and my mother is here I will be interviewing her. [J stands for me, Jaysa, M standing for Mama, my mother]


J: So you can read this here. Specifically, you insult me when I mention my worry over suicide.


M: Ok. What did I say.


J: I will use this as reference for the definition of domestic violence which is domestic abuse. First, under emotional abuse.


J: In this circumstance, you called me an insulting name and you also damaged my individual sense of self worth. We can see here that it has start quote "damaging one's relationship with his or her children". What did you want to say?


[from website start]


Undermining an individual's sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem is abusive. This may include, but is not limited to constant criticism, diminishing one's abilities, name-calling, or damaging one's relationship with his or her children.


[from website end]


M: So what exactly did I say?


J: I will show the next incident then.


M: hang on hang on I'm just confused. What did I say about about that what did I say. What did I say.


J: I can go back to that one if you want.


M: Please go back I don't know what you're referring to.


M: What did you say. What did you want to do that time and what was my response.


J: This is not the thing you're supposed to say to a person who could be at risk of committing suicide. You should you would, if I killed myself, start quote "take your picture and post it on Facebook with a big caption spelling [Insulting Name]" end quote.


M: I didn't say that. What do you mean take your picture and post it on Facebook with a big caption. You probably got mixed up with the topic and what we're talking to at the same time. So you probably got mixed up with that because you don't understand the way I talk ok. You know what I'm saying. I don't understand I don't understand by take your picture. What do you mean by that. Maybe we were talking about multiple topics here and then you got mixed up with all my respones. I don't know I don't remember that, sorry. I don't know what this is all about.


J: Then I can go to the next incident.


M: Alright.


Journal Entry 52 – Regular Day

November 6th (Monday) 2017



Mom said things mentioned in that to me.


Mom: You’re a [insulting name]. Killing yourself just shows how much of a [insulting name] you are, that you can’t handle life’s problems.


Mom: Are you a girl or a boy? You’re a boy, so stop crying and toughen up! [Everyone is allowed to cry, to let feelings out, and to pray to the Lord with tears streaming out for hope]


I’m too tired to go into all of it, you get the point, I get the point, and it hurts.


J: So here you were again insulting me because I brought up the topic of suicide. You're supposed to take care of people and show them love when they are at risk of killing themselves.


M: Well, when you said that. When you told me about that you were committing suicide you only told me after high school. I was not aware of when you said that to me. When was that, hang on. Was it, in elementary school when you tried to do that? You were laughing about that? I didn't know you were serious when telling about that. I don't know how serious was that. But you just told me that. But I didn't say anything about it. I did not insult you. So I don’t know what's happening J so if you really have a problem with that with what you're feeling, how serious is that. Do you want to talk about that right now. Right now, what are you going through. Any some emotional problems or that I should know. Concern or anything? What you feeling right now. It's important that's the problem J is you're not opening up what you feel what you're feeling. I don't hear it from you. I don't remember insulting you because you're not really telling me how you feel about your daily life. Like, you know. I don't hear from you like oh I got a headache I'm not feeling well I don't hear that from you. Because you're a person that doesn't talk. Because I remember when you were in elementary school someone told me that you were sick. But you never tell the teacher that you're feeling sick. You're that person that you don't tell how you feel you have to tell how you feel. Exactly what you're feeling J. Right now what are you feeling right now? Are you feeling anything?


J: I told you many times how I would feel, yet you would dismiss those feelings and invalidate them multiple times. You mention that I was laughing in a circumstance, but I do not remember that.


M: You were not serious when you told me that was was in Grade


J: It was around Grade 7 or Grade 8 when I was in my elementary school. I was on the 2nd floor and there was a staircase which had a blue railing which would lead to the basement where they would have their after school program. So as a child I was trying to get over the railing and there was that risk of me killing myself as in falling to the basement floor if it weren't for what I believe is a group of Grade 8 students who were walking by and they noticed me. And they were able to get me to stop.


M: So what really were you trying to do that time? What was your intention. Were you just really trying to cross the railing. Because that's what my understanding was. That you were trying to cross the railing and someone thought you were trying to jump. My understanding is that you were not serious and you were standing there and you might fall since you were a child.


J: I was trying to go over the blue railing on purpose. But in terms of the exact specific thoughts that were going in my head as a child, I do not remember exactly.


M: See that's the thing when you told me it did not appear as suicide. It appears you're just a child trying to cross that railing. That's my understanding. You were not really in your thought trying to commit suicide. But maybe one of your Grade 8 students thought they think "Oh they might be thinking that you're doing that as suicide, but that's not how you told me. You said that you're just trying to go through that railing. But kids sometimes they don't think about their safety. That's why there should be people around there watching the children. Sometimes they stuck their head they stuck their feet somewhere. So, I thought it was just like that. That you were just stopped by these Grade 8 students. I never thought in your head at the tie, I don't know, I didn't take that seriously because I never thought you were going to do that. You probably think did somebody say J you were committing suicide. Was there someone saying that. When someone try to stop you what did they say. What did they say? Do you remember what did they say when they try to stop you.


J: I don't remember their words exactly. But look on this Journal Entry. I've shown you now multiple occasions where you invalidated me because I talked about killing myself. My thoughts about killing myself, that was not just a single instance, but it appears here as documented evidence multiple times throughout highschool. And look at my resume I will pull up the Word Document now.


J: It shows that I was attending highshool from September 2014 to June 2018. Now look at the date of Journal Entry 52 titled "Regular Day" where it has the date of November 6th Monday 2017. This would have taken place during highschool. And let's look at the other Journal Entry date where I talk about killing myself.


M: You did.


J: Ok, well obviously I didn't actually kill myself. Because I'm obviously here still alive.


M: Did you really have. Did you really have that thoughts in your mind.


J: Yes


M: When you were in elementary. Did you have that thought in your mind when you were in elementary.


J: Like I mentioned I don't know exactly for sure what was going in my head in elementary. In general, I don't remember that much about my childhood like from elementary, a lot of the memories are missing.


M: Because I know when you were in elementary you were just normal happy child. You go to school. Sometimes during Saturday we go to tobogganing we went out. We went to the park, we were just normal. So, I didn't see any problem at all. So how can I address something which I didn't see. I don't know I didn't see that's why I was surprised about this. Did you really have that thought now? That’s my question. Did you really have that thought now or none? Or were you thinking that you had that thought in elementary.


J: I have memories from elementary. Not as much in highschool. With highschool I personally like to work with this information more in terms of this documentation because I do have the Journal Entries here. So, you could say that because I did not type as much these posts about my life when I was in elementary, that's it's not as well documented. But here, I believe that my highschool Journal Entries are genuinely my thoughts here.


M: So right now, what is your thought right now. What is your thought right now.


J: For elementary though, I vaguely remember running and trying to hide from you somewhere in the house because I was afraid of how you react. It's vague memories like that. Who knows why I can't remember them. Trauma perhaps?


M: No. If you cannot. I cannot remember either my high school. I don't remember any of my childhood if you ask me now.


J: Well, you were physically abused by your father.


M: I was not physically abused ok? I was not physically abused ok. My dad tried to discipline every one of us. That's not. I don't consider that as abuse, it was discipline. It was a discipline. No, my dad did not abuse me. Our dad discipline us all, because he wanted us to grow.


J: And this discipline, it was the physical hitting.


M: Well just a spank, a normal spank on the butt. That’s just discipline.


[Editor's Note: Spanking children, no matter how much or how little, is always child abuse. It is evil and wrong.]


J: Because I remember before I think we were in the car, you mentioned how your dad was hitting you and then your mother had to tell your dad to stop.


M: Well yeah, it's because nobody wants to stop during that fight. Cause I had a fight with my sister, we were fighting about something I don't remember. And our dad was trying to stop us. So, no one wanted to admit on who did what. So my dad tried to discipline both of us. Not just me, both of us, my sister, we were both disciplined. So Asian people. In our country, that's what kind of the normal thing. So, I don't consider that as abuse. It depends what race you are. In my country, just a spank is not an abuse.


[This logic does not make sense, because physical abuse of children is physical abuse of children regardless of the race]


M: That's abuse. Let's say you are in a boxing place, someone and you are having a fight with box boxing fight. Or you're not doing anything at all and then someone calls you name or swears at you. That's abuse.